Any of you experienced similar situation?

At times I think we just have to accept people as they are even if part of that is mental illness. There is very little point to arguing against what she feels rather, simply show that is not the case with you actions. I do think perhaps it is possible that some of your feelings have come across in regards to your in devastating loss. You really must try to keep that away from this relationship. It's quite common for mothers to endure post partum depression. Try to simply be patient and understanding. It must all be very hard for you having such close relationships but actually a little distance is healthy for you and your sons. Perhaps fill your free time with things you enjoy and make sure you have a fulfilling life for yourself.

I've responded to you on your other thread SilverLady.

When I was a mother, with four young children I never expected my mother to agree with my parenting style or share my political or religious beliefs or to censor herself. Everyone has a right to set boundaries and limits ...but for every action there is a reaction. My daughter told me that in order to be around my grandchildren that I would have to read the book "Attachment Parenting." She has every right to make this a condition of my being able to be involved with my grandchildren. I refused... which is also my right. I found this to be insulting and it is my right to be offended and to tell her that I refuse. She was desperate for free daycare... so she never enforced this boundary. Eventually we became estranged... because I could not live up to what I thought were ridiculous expectations. Sometimes you just have to let go and let live. I was not so desperate to see my grandchildren that I would accept jumping through hoops. I am sad and disappointed and grieve the loss ...but I am happy that I don't have to deal with all the drama anymore and join her on her rollercoaster ride through hell.

I would suggest, again, that you back off and leave your son to arrange, with his partner, how much involvement you have in your granddaughter's life. And keep your opinions about childrearing to yourself.

Sometimes you just have to let go and let live it's the only thing you can do alienthought, or you'll never see that there is life after estrangement .

Just go with the flow. Don’t criticise their lives or their parenting, tbh Frank it’s really none of your business and can cause much angst.

Good luck

Silver lady, the mother is obviously not well. The baby should be on solids, there is nothing you can do as she has shut you out. He will have to bring her to see you.

Yes I have experienced something similar without the partner being abusive. My DIL has issues with her parents. She had a very chaotic childhood. When my first grandchild was born she kept us at arm's length. She once brought the baby over with a blanket over her head, telling us we couldn't lift the blanket to see her face because we would wake her up. Months later I was holding the baby, took a few steps and momma was there at my side obviously worried I would drop the baby. My husband and I are very responsible people so there should not have been so much concern. Every holiday was reserved for her family.

Now I have three grandchildren born to my son and his wife. Things have changed dramatically. My DIL calls my son daily to chat. He is the father figure she chooses after a childhood spent with a drug using biological father and her mother's boyfriends. She has gone no contact with her family on and off. She's once again no contact with them.

All we did was give space, give time, keep our mouths shut and be there when they did want us around. The way we looked at it was that my DIL was in charge, she would decide if she liked and trusted us. There was nothing we could do to rush that process or prove to her we were reliable and good people. She needed to come to that conclusion herself. I think it took about 4 years for her to come around. We accept the relationship is on her terms.

That's really all you can do. If you are in their lives you can monitor the situation, gently counsel your son (if he does not rat you out to his wife) and hopefully your son's partner will gain maturity and trust and some confidence in her own parenting abilities. Or be there when your son has had enough of the abuse and leaves her. She has obviously projected a lot of her emotional baggage and insecurities onto you. I know that hurts and it feels unfair.

Allsorts

Silver lady, the mother is obviously not well. The baby should be on solids, there is nothing you can do as she has shut you out. He will have to bring her to see you.

This is such a leap to take with so little information from a source who isn’t very involved in the child’s day to day life to know enough.

Blessed, yes it is. I just know that interfering in the mothers parenting would be wrong. By all means see grandchild if the son brings her. Unless the child looks malnourished and unwell I would say nothing. I doubt any child will be content with just breast milk for too long. After just three months together and getting pregnant, family life was thrust on them. It's the biggest step you take in life being a parent. Who knows if the couple would have stayed together if not for the oregnancy.pregnancy particularly thus aggression sobs partner has. He should have run a mile. There is a lot going on here, one thing I know, I would support my son 100 per cent about not being abused. Whatever her problems he is not her emotional or physical punch bag. Maybe they need to separate.

We simply don’t know enough to conclude all of that. Her son was an equal party in his choice. Of course the aggrieved mother of the son is going to paint the worst picture of the woman she can’t get to hand over her baby. The baby’s health is up to baby’s parents and doctor. There are no indications that anyone is concerned about the child’s growth outside of the OP who is clear in her agenda. My youngest was breastfed up until 14 months. He went to Stanford, a very prestigious university in the states. I did extended breastfeed with two children and I thankfully was an ocean away from know-it-alls in our families who didn’t even breastfeed their own children. A simple post on the internet from someone uninvolved in this child’s day to day life isn’t remotely close to being sufficient to declare this woman is mentally ill, the young man is a victim, and the baby’s life is at risk. Sexist nonsense. We really need to reprogram our thinking with these situations.

Of course the aggrieved mother of the son is going to paint the worst picture of the woman she can't get to hand over her baby really BlessedArt!!! But we simply don't know enough to conclude that do we.

We will have to issue medals for those that breast feed, especially those that extend it. Lots of mother's can’t or won’t and that is no indication if they get into University.

That's very true Allsorts, neither of ours were and one did go to Uni.