Not fully estranged but gaining depth into what it is

Everyone’s situation is their own.

Trying to find blanket, generalised reasons for deeply personal individual issues just seems like avoidance of taking a good hard look at one’s own self, choices, and relationships.

I think that whether you want to believe it or not, some parents do not love their children unconditionally, and therefore don’t deserve love in return
I think it’s wrong to make assumptions about other family dynamics, I’m not saying she did, but the sad story of the young woman who died, may have had a dreadful relationship with her parents, and her friends may have loved and supported throughout her illness, we can never really know.

Teazel2

spottybook

An elderly aunt of DH once told me that parents love their children more than the children love them. In some cases this is probably true.

Fathers love their wives, the wife/mother loves her children and the children love their hamster.

😀😀

spottybook

An elderly aunt of DH once told me that parents love their children more than the children love them. In some cases this is probably true.

Fathers love their wives, the wife/mother loves her children and the children love their hamster.

An elderly aunt of DH once told me that parents love their children more than the children love them. In some cases this is probably true.

Sadly I suppose for some, friends really are their tribe. The ‘family’ they choose over relatives. 🤷‍♀️

You mean publications?

I went to a funeral of sadly, a young lady who died at about 30 of cancer.
I dont think she was extranged from her parents, but her mum was more or less estranged from her own mum.

The funeral was all about "friends".
Never been to a funeral like it.
The word family was barely mentioned.
Not even sure the young lady's siblings had a mention[I couldnt hear every word as the venue was full and I was near the back].

People are told today to do what's best for themselves and dump anyone inconvienient

Who says that?

Eugenia... not sure where you are getting therapy at 250.
That's an extraordinary fee!

I believe there are some cases where an adult child estranges their parent but, because they've always had unconditional love from that parent, deep down they assume that one day they will be able to resume the relationship.
We went to a funeral of a friend who died unexpectedly. He had been estranged from his elder son and that son was at the funeral and was absolutely distraught.
It's an extension of a stroppy teenager saying "I hate you" when they know the parent will continue to love them no matter what they say

M0nica

While I understand your post Eugenia, I think the reasons for estrangement are far more complex than you lay out.

Some times, however much a parent may love a child, they have a child whose needs they do not understand or meet, or the parents are driven by demons of their own that lead them to behave unhelpfully.

In other cases parents love not wisely but too well. We regularly get posts from parents who have done everything for their children, given them everything, made them all and everything in their lives - and they have ended up with cuckoos in their nest - demanding adult children, who define parental love in terms of what their parents do for them and give them - because that is there lifetime experience and who turn on them when age, infirmity or reduced finances mean they can no longer serve their children hand and foot, because they see in the failure to meet their needs a withdrawal of love.

It is a tragedy when families are estranged, especially as the estranged person can often not see, accept or understand the cause of the estrangement.

But there are also many adult children, loving caring and keeping in contact with parents, who may love their children (or not) but are unreasonable and demanding. We have one such thread running at the moment.

Complex indeed. People are told today to do what's best for themselves and dump anyone inconvienient..."toxic people" sounds more convincing and justifiable than dear old mom and dad. At around 250.00 for an hour session, people get to feel better about it though.

I have good relationships with my children but there have been times when I have not liked what they did. I have always told them I will always love them even if they turn into mad axe murderers. I think estrangements always have faults on both sides. We all get it wrong sometimes. Maybe we expect love to be enough. We don’t always treat nearest and dearest with the respect and effort we put into other relationships such as friendships. Forgiveness, a little space and and always open door can heal rifts. Never give up

And the unreasonable and demanding people just never stop.

While I understand your post Eugenia, I think the reasons for estrangement are far more complex than you lay out.

Some times, however much a parent may love a child, they have a child whose needs they do not understand or meet, or the parents are driven by demons of their own that lead them to behave unhelpfully.

In other cases parents love not wisely but too well. We regularly get posts from parents who have done everything for their children, given them everything, made them all and everything in their lives - and they have ended up with cuckoos in their nest - demanding adult children, who define parental love in terms of what their parents do for them and give them - because that is there lifetime experience and who turn on them when age, infirmity or reduced finances mean they can no longer serve their children hand and foot, because they see in the failure to meet their needs a withdrawal of love.

It is a tragedy when families are estranged, especially as the estranged person can often not see, accept or understand the cause of the estrangement.

But there are also many adult children, loving caring and keeping in contact with parents, who may love their children (or not) but are unreasonable and demanding. We have one such thread running at the moment.