Sharing something a friend told me

Sorry, it’s gone completely over my head 😵‍💫

Also, I think it's extremely telling that you kept details vague in your post.

This post, is not a profound revelation—it’s a rationalization. She’s using pseudo-deep reflections to protect herself from emotional growth. Instead of grappling with her own possible toxicity or immaturity, she reframes painful outcomes (like estrangement) as tragic consequences of other people’s boundaries, not her behavior. That “profound” quote feels like clarity to her, but it’s really a mirror of her emotional avoidance.

“Someone gets their feelings hurt, and the other no longer exists.”

She calls this “profound,” but it's actually emotionally immature and fatalistic. It implies that boundaries = destruction, and that hurt feelings automatically justify someone being “erased.” But again—she sees this as deep, because it absolves her from self-reflection and reframes all emotional pain as betrayal by others.

In toxic dynamics, this line of thinking is common:
- “If I hurt, someone must have done something wrong.”
- “If they left, it’s because they’re cold, not because of how I acted.”

“What if one person's boundaries crosses over into another's?”

She’s not asking in curiosity—she’s likely setting up a justification for why other people’s boundaries are invalid if they hurt her feelings. This is a manipulative or self-serving interpretation of boundaries—she sees them as oppressive or unfair when applied to her. In a healthy context, that question would lead to negotiation or mutual respect. But for her, it reads more like:

“If your boundary makes me feel rejected, then you're wrong for having it.”

This suggests emotional enmeshment—where she can’t differentiate her feelings from others’, and sees healthy individuation as abandonment or attack.

Honestly I find it a bit confusing. Which one gets their feelings hurt? The overstepper who feels rejected or the overstepped who feels dominated?

Who ceases to exist?

Obviously it had a deep resonance for you but didn’t make sense to me I’m afraid.