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A not so surprising article

(11 Posts)
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Smarter Tue 27-May-25 05:42:05

Not estranged entirely but increasing time limits, and grandkids acting differntly towards me. Lots of critisizing of my own mothering and grandmothering coming from her.

This has been slowly happening since a divorce of my daughter. I just ran across an article today,and it rang so many bells. Will post the link at the end of this post.

I get that sometimes, parents can mess up. Or they are abusers. Or they have no consideration. Or butt in too much. It happens. Everyone talks about that. But this is something I didn't think of......

I mean, building one's self esteem after a horrible divorce is natural, but could that go too far and also create a narcissitic personality?

That could explain why suddenly a good parent relationship turns bad and the grandkids used as weapons.

How many parents here have been baffled by estrangement? They wrack their brain trying to figure out what they did and come up empty.

Then others think, no way, it had to be something you did.

But what if it isn't? What if an adult child goes through a trauma like a marriage breakup and that shatters their self esteem in an extreme way.

Then they make huge efforts for their self esteem, which is good for self preservation btw......... only they go too far and end up so awesome in their own minds they become these narcissistic machines, bent on controlling the ones left of their old life (their children) so they can make sure nobody else will ever leave them. They lost control of their marriage; kids are something they can control.

I think this has happened in my daughters case. I wonder how many others who have no clue that this is what is going on..

It's a good read. Lots of advice at the end too, but sadly, that advice may be too late for some grandparents.

I'm gonna post the link here, hoping this will ring bells with others. Will it help to know this may be what is really happening in many of these estrangements?

I don't know, but at least it's possibly an answer.

www.carlacorelli.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery/narcissist-and-grandparent-alienation/

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Grams2five Tue 27-May-25 05:48:13

Eugenia is that you?

In short to answer your question. No I don’t think divorce or building one’s self esteem creates a narcissistic personality disorder. I do think that people will often go to great lengths however to avoid any self reflection whatsoever.

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Whiff Tue 27-May-25 06:42:09

I do hate links on estrangement threads.

Grams2five good question.

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Allsorts Tue 27-May-25 06:59:27

I do think the term narcissist is used too freely. I now know what changed my d, I will not elaborate as all members of both sides of family were excluded .. Some times they just outgrow us and move on particularly if money is involved. I was her past.
Couldn't read the article I'm afraid but if you think that fits your d, like me you can't stop it. It's been a very long road for me, the hurt and love is inside me but I now recognise it's in the past and can only hope she is happy and well. If you can't figure it out and they are not saying or talking what else can you do but carry on.

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BoopBeep Tue 27-May-25 07:14:37

Grams2five

Eugenia is that you?

In short to answer your question. No I don’t think divorce or building one’s self esteem creates a narcissistic personality disorder. I do think that people will often go to great lengths however to avoid any self reflection whatsoever.

It definitely is Eugenia. Both are partially estranged, upset with their daughter after a nasty divorce, and complains about her grandchildren viewing her differently. Both also love to mention that this forum is a support forum.

This is all too funny.

If you're behaving this immaturely, then I wouldn't be 5 Google pages deep looking for online articles to explain the change in your daughter.

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Allsorts Tue 27-May-25 07:37:58

I never realised. Well done for spotting it. Glad I never looked at article.

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BoopBeep Tue 27-May-25 08:16:24

One of Smarter's first posts is

"After my post I tried to contact her [Eugenia] privately and it will not let me."

If she's willing to play mind-games in an online forum, I imagine she's willing to play them with her daughter as well.

Please get help. No-one wants to see dysfunction.

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Luminance Tue 27-May-25 18:17:28

No, divorce doesn't lead to narcissistic personality disorder, most literature points environmental issues in childhood with a possible genetic predisposition, which generally needs a trigger. For NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder I would look for trauma, neglect, causes for unhealthy defence mechanisms and learning by example. Unless of course they grew up in a country where they were in danger due to war, severe poverty, starvation etc.

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bellwetherblue Wed 28-May-25 05:48:50

Yes, I noticed that Smarter first appeared pages deep in one of Eugenia’s most dramatic threads. Definitely the same person, and not really Smarter at all.

No, of course gaining one’s self-esteem cannot turn one into a narcissist. However, it can give one a new perspective on the parent/adult child relationship and open one’s eyes to the toxicity there.

Eugenia/Smarter, you’d be wise to stop reading ragebait articles and turn those wiles to reflecting inward.

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Allsorts Wed 28-May-25 06:22:15

She/he must be very unwell, very difficult for families.

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M0nica Wed 28-May-25 06:27:18

I feel that we are facing an attempt to manipulate us, until we give the answer she wants. Perhaps this explains the 'unexplained' estrangement.

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