New to forum

more than one or as I think it is in this case DL, the same one using different names.

Smileless2012

There's always one isn't there Crossstitchfan.

There's often more than one, and they all, curiously, clamber onto the same threads 🤷‍♀️🙄

There's always one isn't there Crossstitchfan.

As someone else already mentioned.

It's really not hard to see why estrangements occur in their personal life.

It's like trying to explain macroeconomics to a child.

They won't understand a single thing and simply think it was all just drivel.

Never learning a thing.

It's why permanent estrangement is so crucial for some unfortunate kids.

Every child deserves good parents. But not every parent deserves children.

It would do you a lot of good to remember that.

fancythat

Cam I ask people on this thread please, or others, what is the etiquette on threads like this?
I can still feel like a bit of a newbie on here sometimes.

If an op has stopped writing, should others carry on anyway?

Welcome!
Posting on here is a way to help you, and sometimes to help others.
I have learned over time that, whilst most people are reasonable and kind to others, there are some who just need to shout about what they think and who always have to have the last word.
There is a poster on here who isn’t even satisfied with one post about something that’s got up her nose! No, she needs 4 consecutive posts before she shuts up.one else’s opinion s accepted, it’s always contradicted, ridiculed and dismissed. Sometimes when I read her posts, I wonder about her state of mind. Surely no normal person could come out with such drivel?
She has, apparently been reported many times to GN but is still spouting on here. I would skip her posts but I am always too curious to see what she will come up with next.
I digress! You asked about etiquette. I think that if you are always polite and kind, you can’t go far wrong. That’s not to say you can’t disagree with posters, but if you do, don’t humiliate them. (There are exceptions to that rule, which you can guess from the content of the start of my post).
Don’t give away personal information about you or your family and friends. Be vague enough that people can’t guess who you are.
You asked if you should carry on if people have stopped writing about something. That’s up to you. If you do, you might find it revives the thread, but if there is no response, I would accept that the thread is finished with.
Don’t take all the posts as gospel. People lie for effect.
I don’t advise getting into arguments with people. Sometimes this is difficult to avoid (again, see the start of my post).
That said, I love it on here, and in the main, people are lovely, especially if something is worrying you.
Enjoy it!

Good pickup Delila. There have been concerns about BoopBeep expressed to GNHQ so maybe that account was closed and the poster chose a slightly different name to come back on. I've asked GNHQ just in case.

Oh for goodness sake!!! Does every thread have to end up exactly the same??!!
If you don’t agree, how about just not retaliating, & thinking about the poor OP who you have now put off coming back by your pointless INCESSANT arguing!!!
Please come back Pinkpeony1 and just try to ignore the ones who only come on here to argue and talk about themselves, and always want to have the last word. And then they wonder why they are estranged….!!

BoopBeep, your name has changed??

Her (toxic) mom spent way more time and had much more influence on me than her new husband ever did.

As in, my maternal grandma.

Awful people all around.

Glad to be free from the one and only mom I got.
God knows I wouldn't have survived two of them.

Allsorts

Boopeep, no father you mention its all your mother's fault, Google is responsible for your views. I rest my case, except this an example of too much time looking at a screen

What is a Single Mother.

If you must know, they divorced before I was 1 and remarried shortly after, but kept moving me for selfish reasons and even to dodge authorities (her abuse was so severe you would need to be blind and deaf not to notice) while her new husband slaved away at our home (base). Effectively functioning only as a wallet for me (and occasionally aiding and abetting her abuse, the few times he was present in the same room as me).

But by and large I was under only my mother's care. Her (toxic) mom spent way more time and had much more influence than her new husband ever did.

Your ignorance is showing.

Pinkpeony1 welcome, & I shall ignore all the posts which don’t address your issue……
I’m so sorry that you are experiencing estrangement, it is indeed a heartbreaking situation to be in. Right from the outset of ours, my husband said that we needed to be patient and “play the long game”, and although I didn’t want to believe it at the time, he was absolutely right.
For your own mental health, I would suggest that you take a break from trying to re-establish contact with your child, as the constant knock-backs and rejections are so hard to bear. We are now very happily reunited and that happened when we took the time to step back, stop trying so hard, and decided to take advice and work on any aspects of ourselves & our personalities which could have contributed to the situation.
Have faith, I’m sure it will happen xx

I can understand the appeal Smileless2012 being whether something "speaks" to you personally. However, life is full of mistakes and hard lessons. If we go along the route of seeking out nothing that does not agree with us there is little room for understanding and growth. Instead I would recommend a back to the drawing board approach and to learn about healthy relationships instead. The problems in relationships are least easily solved by those inside it. Support groups in and of themselves are wonderful things of course and even can be considered group counselling but those supportive groups should always be ones that can listen to where you acknowledge mistakes and talk of educating yourself on how a relationship is when healthy. I must admit to you I would be rather disinclined to trust someone who could not listen to someone on a journey of putting right their own mistakes and would argue against them or try to convince them otherwise, they did nothing wrong. Health is truly listening to others needs amd perspectives and trying to understand them, not blindly arguing for arguments sake or because that is not how we did it.

BoopBeep

I've learned from a very young age that toxic people don't take kindly to having their dysfunctions called out. Nothing constructive can ever be communicated with them because they confuse uncomfortable truths with hostility (since it takes maturity to be able to differentiate the nuanced feeling).

Immature people hear uncomfortable statements, feel bad inside, then think they're being attacked, then promptly shut it down.

Either by closing their ears and going lalala or hurling insults at the person (they perceive to be) "attacking" them.

I take back that your indignation means nothing to me. It actually means a whole great deal of pride to me to be hated by bad people.

I was the only one encouraging Pink to do the healthiest thing, because I genuinely care about her and her child.

Continuing to send cards and gifts will only damage her chances at reconciliation and damage her child's peace. I even offered a viable alternative outlet for her feelings because I understand how difficult her (deserved or not) position is.

While others had made the same mistake prior and aren't mature enough to admit it was a mistake. So instead they double down on the terrible advice so that they can continue to pretend that they're not dysfunctional, toxic people.

Luminance has a point. If what I'm saying is completely unfounded and baseless, a healthy mature person can pick up what I'm putting down without getting upset and crying about what was said.

Much like my younger adult stepchildren did then. . They really hated their dysfunctions called out. 🤷‍♀️

Immature behaviour and defensive attitudes can affect people of any age, and being younger and reared on Google info (🙄) gives you no more wisdom or insight than anyone else on here.

Boopeep, no father you mention its all your mother's fault, Google is responsible for your views. I rest my case, except this an example of too much time looking at a screen

I disagree Luminance. It doesn't just depend who has written a book or an article and whether or not they have any formal training as a family therapist for example. It's whether or not what you've read 'speaks' to you personally.

For me, 3 books by the same author helped me immensely and I was made aware of her first book because it was shared here on GN. My first real source of help and support was found here on GN. The original thread 'cut out of their lives' which was started by an estranged mother was a life saver, and I know that over the years many have found subsequent support threads equally beneficial and like me, were emotionally and mentally 'saved'.

It's a shame for the OP denbylover. I'm sure if the first thread I ever posted on had been monopolised in this way, I'd have been put off too, but hopefully Pinkpeony is still reading because there have been some kind and thoughtful responses.

If you are Pinkpeony and you haven't done so already, maybe take a look at the support thread where thankfully this happens very rarely.

I understand the argument against sending cards and gifts Sara but as an EP I also understand the need for some to try and keep a link to their EAC and/or GC, regardless of how tenuous.

For a time we needed that tenuous link to our only GC so that's what we did.

I agree with BoopBeep, no presents, no cards, i am an estranged child, though my circumstances are no where near as painful as BoopBeeps, I think the only hope is to step right back, it wouldn’t have worked for me, because my mind was made up. But every time she hassled my husband, or children and even grandchildren about me, I hardened my heart a bit more.
I’m sure the temptation is to keep trying, but I think your best hope is to withdraw with dignity, I’m not saying that will work, but the opposite will just annoy.

Good for you Boopbeep. I admire your strength of character. Sometimes we just have to make our own family with the friends we love. Saying no to abuse is admirable and correct.

I've learned from a very young age that toxic people don't take kindly to having their dysfunctions called out. Nothing constructive can ever be communicated with them because they confuse uncomfortable truths with hostility (since it takes maturity to be able to differentiate the nuanced feeling).

Immature people hear uncomfortable statements, feel bad inside, then think they're being attacked, then promptly shut it down.

Either by closing their ears and going lalala or hurling insults at the person (they perceive to be) "attacking" them.

I take back that your indignation means nothing to me. It actually means a whole great deal of pride to me to be hated by bad people.

I was the only one encouraging Pink to do the healthiest thing, because I genuinely care about her and her child.

Continuing to send cards and gifts will only damage her chances at reconciliation and damage her child's peace. I even offered a viable alternative outlet for her feelings because I understand how difficult her (deserved or not) position is.

While others had made the same mistake prior and aren't mature enough to admit it was a mistake. So instead they double down on the terrible advice so that they can continue to pretend that they're not dysfunctional, toxic people.

Luminance has a point. If what I'm saying is completely unfounded and baseless, a healthy mature person can pick up what I'm putting down without getting upset and crying about what was said.

Wrong thread

The internet is a wonderful tool that was ruined by tech billionaires.

Young people are worse off not because of the internet but because of billionaires unfettered control over the internet.

The same will apply to AI. A wonderful tool that could have made life so much better for everyone will instead ruin entire generations (because billionaires will end up exploiting it only for themselves).

Personally, if my only input was my mother and I didn't have Google growing up, I would be completely screwed as a human.

Allsorts

Once again a new poster or let me say an old poster under a different name, has taken over this thread withe unpleasantness. She will go the way her other posts did eventually. I replied not realising at first which is just what they want. so no more input from me. I will look in a week and she should be gone, if not the week after.

Let’s hope so! She’s insufferable!

BoopBeep

"In that case, who truly ended the relationship by making a choice?"

The child obviously, for laying out that boundary in the first place.

But in all seriousness. When reading anything, you should always view with a critical lens.

NYT is a part of a dying, legacy media. Thus, those that are left reading it tend to be much older. Therefore, they have a monetary incentive to publish articles that appeal to their bases biases.

I wouldn't treat their articles as gospel, especially on such a subjective topic.

Who is deciding what is unfair and what is not?

Maybe it’s me but I didn’t understand a word of the above reply!

denbylover

Well done BoopBeep for monopolizing PinkPeony1’s thread.
You have purposely diverted attention from PinkPeony1’s opening thoughts towards your own situation. Not cool.

Instead of taking over another posters thread, start your own.

Welcome PinkPeony this Board gives wonderful support by pretty much all posters for those in your situation, I wish you well.

Well said!

Delila

Someone has taken one of BoopBeep’s comments from this thread to start a spinoff thread with it, entitled “Family versus individuality”. So a double dose for those interested in that particular topic.

It would be perfect if BoopBeep would see fit to follow the new thread and get off this one! A more opinionated, intrusive, unfeeling and arrogant poster I have yet to meet on here. She has totally swamped PinkPeony1’s post and has probably put her off Gransnet for life!
It’s a shame we can’t shut someone up when they are being insufferable!
Apologies PinkPeony1. The usual posters on here ARE listening to you and, given the chance by posters who love the sound of their own voices, we will respond!

Allsorts it's always a choice isn't it? We all can decide not to receive things from others. I tend to feel that very sensible people go along those lines and think "I do not receive that" and simply move on with their day. If something doesn't apply to me, I choose not to receive it. If it does apply I may listen but otherwise no, that's not for me, it can be let go and moved past.