Not seeing grandkids

Almost half of American states also have filial laws that force adult children to take care of their elderly parents. Financially if not physically.

And don't even get me started on the child marriage laws that allow parents to legally give away their pre-teen daughters to pdf-files.

America is a country founded by abusers and made for abusers. Obviously, abusers love this fact.

NotSpaghetti

Surely though Starfire57 - whether here or in America it still had to be in the child's best interests?

I certainly would hope so!

Of course! Nobody would just hand over kids to a nasty grandparent....except usually those don't want them anyway.

Yes, it varies state to state. But mainly, if the child is receiving a loving, beneficial relationship from grandparents, usually they do get some visitation.

www.grfcpa.com/resource/do-i-have-to-allow-grandparent-visits-after-my-divorce/?hl=en-GB

This talks about a case in Washington state.

I have just looked up Grandparent Visitation abd rights.

It is massively different state by state! 😱

Surely though Starfire57 - whether here or in America it still had to be in the child's best interests?

I certainly would hope so!

imaround

I am sorry, why should suing ones children for rights over their children be cheap?

And while the US does allow rights by Grandparents, one can't just rock up to court with all that money it costs and demand rights.

In most US states, grandparents I only have rights in very limited circumstances such as the death of a parent. In all cases, the burden of proof is on the person bringing the case. As it should be.

No, courts here look at the benefits, if the grandparents have been a big part of their lives and have given a lot of time to the grandkids, if they visited often. It's not necessary "rights" per se as it is an ability to have court ordered visitation.

Can't get too hung up on the word "rights". Father's have rights to joint custody, but some of them still have to go to court for those "rights". I think that's where we fail here in this country, making a father go to court, shouldn't be...

NotSpaghetti

I would have thought that a grandparent taking legal action -basically against their adult child - is not a good way to go... I'd expect that to make everything much much worse.

Well, again, I was referring to a worse case scenario where the relationship is over and there are no visits anymore, ever.

I would have thought that a grandparent taking legal action -basically against their adult child - is not a good way to go... I'd expect that to make everything much much worse.

Starfire57

petra

Starfire
You have no legal right to see your grandchildren in England and wales.
Read this. It explains what other routes you can take.
But be aware that if you go down this route you will destroy any relationship you have with your son.

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/what-rights-do-grandparents-have-to-see-their-grandchildren/

I'm in America. Things are different here and thank god...

"I'm in America."

That explains a lot....

I am sorry, why should suing ones children for rights over their children be cheap?

And while the US does allow rights by Grandparents, one can't just rock up to court with all that money it costs and demand rights.

In most US states, grandparents I only have rights in very limited circumstances such as the death of a parent. In all cases, the burden of proof is on the person bringing the case. As it should be.

Norah

Starfire57 I'm in America. Things are different here and thank god

Oh my...

Sorry, I did not mean to offend. But despite our issues, we do have much better legal system here. Problem is, like anything good, it does cost. I could afford it but that's not always the case for many people.

Ran into a nice young man having problems with parental alienation with his son and he's also had to pay plenty just to get his parental rights for his own son!

So even though a good system, it has yet to provide less costly ways of doing things. It still boggles my mind he had to go to court even though legally it's his son and he's responsible for him legally as well.

But still, I remeber as a child, men never used to have any rights....in a divorce, the wife automatically got the kids and the house.

At least things are more balanced these days, it's just the problem of having to go to court over things they shouldn't have to.

DubAngel

*Focus on becoming more likeable instead.*
Wow talking about kicking someone when they're down @Llortl38563.

Yeah, also mentioned in another post that you were doing the right thing, but then called you petty for it! What a joke.

So either this person is completely illogical with an agenda or is a complete troll, which I never understood trolls, what a collossal waste of time.

Thankfully I have grown up children who make their own decisions but I have always found the US version terrifying because in some places it is "Third party rights" which doesn't even have to be a relative to get access to children.

Llortl38562

DubAngel

I wrote the post last night because I was upset.

1.i don't expect to see them every Sunday for lunch
2.nor would I go down everyday.
3.i know they are busy.
4.i just want to be included sometime.
5.
I'm in Ireland and I wouldn't bring them to court.
6.i brought my own dm in to show that I understand boundaries.
7.im allowed to feel annoyed and have my feelings hurt over being cancelled.
8.
I've decided to leave it and let them contact me.

I'm glad you're doing the right thing.

Now instead of focusing on how upset you are (I don't know the full story behind the cancellation, but if they are completely in the wrong than I'm sure a respectful, adult-to-adult conversation will suffice).

Focus on becoming more likeable instead. Since you can't make him like you or spend time with you. He's not a little kid under your total control anymore. He's actually so grown that he has a child of his own, so his parent's feelings shouldn't really be a priority for him right now.

Once again, glad you aren't making it his problem.

Though I have the fear that your comment:

"I've decided to leave it and let them contact me."

Means you're going to go the petty route and give them the silent treatment.

If that is the case, than your silence will be a true gift to them, not a curse.

So, you tell her she's doing the right thing, but it's petty?? Do you even hear yourself?

Starfire57 I'm in America. Things are different here and thank god

Oh my...

Oh, and I forgot. Makes a big difference too if the couple is separated; I guess this is not the OP's case. It is in mine. Actually my ex in law could provide the court with reason to grant rights, and since we had a good relationship, that wouldn't be too hard.

Now I feel bad advising the OP since I realize she may not have the same advantages due to where she lives and the situation.

I am so sorry about that DubAngel!! I wish you luck, I hope your son grows a pair and makes sure his children get to have both sides of grandparents, not just one.

petra

Starfire
You have no legal right to see your grandchildren in England and wales.
Read this. It explains what other routes you can take.
But be aware that if you go down this route you will destroy any relationship you have with your son.

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/what-rights-do-grandparents-have-to-see-their-grandchildren/

I'm in America. Things are different here and thank god...

Thanks

DubAngel please don't worry, there are some people here that are causing problems but we know that's not you

I agree Lathyrus but I don't think that applies to DubAngel and I don't think it was her you meant.

If you don't think this conversation serves the OP's needs then why continue with it NiceDream?

I and others can see you were just looking for advice DubAngel and I hope you've found some of the responses helpful.

Lathyrus3

Writing styles are not easily disguised are they! Even when someone really tries to make them different😬

This is my first post on Gransnet in a while.
So whoever you think I am,I'm not that person.

Writing styles are not easily disguised are they! Even when someone really tries to make them different😬

This post is like double Dutch! I haven’t a clue what it’s all about, so I shall leave you all to it!
Good uck!

DubAngel

I think I out it in this category as it seemed to fit.
I was just after some advice.
And just vent before I had a chat withy son.

It's such a good idea to vent here and go to the conversation calm and prepared, I hope some of the comments helped you.

I think I out it in this category as it seemed to fit.
I was just after some advice.
And just vent before I had a chat withy son.