Absolutely Broken Mum

Oh so very sad Strugglingmum - I don’t have any real advice except to say, mothers get a bad deal, as you will see if you through the ‘estrangement’ forum. It’s most of often, us, mothers. In my case it certainly is.
I am not estranged, but dealing with children, d.I.ls and their inter-relationships, is so tough on me.
But my issues are nothing compared to yours.
I hope someone will come along with some good advice.
In the meanwhile, take care, you and your DH.

Thank you for your kind words of advise. The court issued a restraining order so he cannot come near me (this also kills me as there are days when I just want to go and speak to him or at least try then my family say not to do it) I wish I could beg him to get the help he needs but he will not take any responsibility at all and thinks he has done nothing wrong! It’s though he completely believes his own lies. Everyone said to me having him arrested would give him the shock he needed - that didn’t work! Then finally deciding enough was enough and supporting prosecution (which broke my heart) - that didn’t work, then finally him pleading guilty at the last minute before I was due to give evidence (thank god) but even that didn’t work as within an hour I was being told that he was still denying any responsibility to his Probation Officer despite just pleading guilty! I love him so much but he just cannot see how much he is hurting people.

My heart goes out to you Strugglingmum. Like the vast majority of mum's your love for your son is unconditional, and the pain you're going through is so immense, that it's no wonder you're feeling the way you do .

Taking care of you, is not turning your back on him but having him in your life in his current state wont help him and will only be bad for you.

I'm so sorry that despite your best efforts, you were unable to get him the diagnosis and help that it sounds he needs because now he's 19, there's nothing you can do.

As DianneAngel has said looking into PDA could help you, because I think you need to know that this is entirely out of your control and has nothing to do with the way you parented. It may also provide you with information you could pass onto him that may help him to understand why he behaves as he does, and could also give him the impetus he needs to seek help for himself.

I have no advice to give you but I couldn’t just say nothing. I’m so sorry for you, I think I’d feel the same but I do think you must look after yourself. You feel so let down I know but could you try for some help for yourself now? Please take care of yourself in whatever way you can. I’m sorry to have nothing more helpful to say.

I have an adult daughter who now no longer speaks to him because of the way he treats people and the lies he tells. It’s just horrible

Strugglingmum86, do you have other children? If so, do they see your DS? Perhaps his siblings could let you know how he's doing?

PDA, Pathological Demand Avoidance, if you tell him to do something it sets up so much anxiety that he would have a meltdown, kicking, throwing and screaming. My Grandson has it and he is 14 years. Luckily, he is in a special school that deals with this disorder. It might be worth looking into for your Son. It may not help him but if this is the problem then it would help you. I am in U.K. Good luck for your future with him. hugs

He was going through CYPS for possible ADHD but they dropped him when he stopped going to appointments. I genuinly think he has some sort of disorder that is undiagnosed but no professionals want to know. We have been so let down as a family.

Welcome to GN. So sorry you are experiencing this it sounds absolutely dreadful, sounds like your son has behavioural problems that started years ago, but am no expert, sadly any agencies involved have seriously let you down.
But right now you need to put your own well-being first and keep your distance, heartbreaking though it is, the episode with the knife is a warning that this could be very dangerous for yourself and your DH.
And if he breaks the restraining order ring the police straight away.
I imagine he is behaving violently towards any girlfriends as well so I imagine he will be on the police radar, and I fear for the girls he becomes involved with.
Please don’t take him back in or you could be enabling his abuse, unless he agrees to seek help with anger management and other behavioural issues before returning.
My heart goes out to you.
Take care and do keep us updated
🌹❤️

Not excusing anything, but were there mental health issues?