I desperately need advice

May I ask what is worth more to you moving forward, a relationship with your daughter, distance with your ex snd his family, or insert your goal here?

I am afraid you cannot tell her she cannot associate with them.

^ with my eldest daughter although as she lives abroad it's difficul and she made it very plain that she would only discuss the present and the future.^

I would do that with her. Personally.

Well GranGran 07, I too think you should just discuss the here and now with your daughter just for the time being.What you know to be lies that have been said about you,your daughter has thought of as truth for a long time.However there must be seeds of doubt in her mind to want to begin a reconciliation/relationship with you again. Be led by her, take it very slowly and eventually I think she may start to question the past a little more and you can gently begin to put your side , but ONLY if she asks.Otherwise just build on the relationship you have now, it's better than the nothing you have had for so long.Sorry I just re read and saw you said she began this reconciliation with you seven years ago.
I think ignore the ex's family in photos and just comment nicely on them like for instance 'Ooh everyone looks happy, it looks a great time' or similar. Don't give them any ammunition to use against you.That's the best way forward.

I think this is very good advice.

I still love both my daughters. No matter how I try my eldest daughter seems to want to keep me at arms length. She says the divorce ruined her life but she was already living abroad when that happened. The youngest says I made her homeless and she will never forgive me. I did hear through my friends children that she wasn't homeless but stayed with my ex's aunt until she finished uni.

I don't know of a way I can improve it as I always send money for Christmas and Birthdays although I have to ask if they've received it.. I would love to send a parcel but Im told there is too much theft with their postal system.

Thank you it just feels as if I'm not getting anywhere at the moment. But thank you that's good advice

You cannot change the past GranGran and there is nothing you can do about the lies that have been told. All you can do is concentrate on the present and look to the future which I hope will include you seeing your GC .

I wouldn't cut her off. you never know when you might regret it in the future. But I would keep it very low key and without any expectation.

Think that there is great advice here.

Forget the past, cannot change it and we all have our own versions of the past.

Try and make the best of the here and now.

Know it’s not fair, but that’s life.

Good luck

It's often said that it's the children who suffer from a divorce, but it was a long time ago and your girls are adults now and responsible for their own happiness going forward. You are in a happy marriage now, I'm pleased for you that you've found happiness after an unhappy marriage. Now you need to rebuild your relationship with your daughters, the three of you have things to sort out if you're to enjoy a happy and loving relationship with them. Try not to bring their dad into the conversation, it's not fair to expect children (even adult children) to hear criticism of either parent, far better if they can have a good relationship with their dad and their mum, albeit separately. It's unfair to talk about the bad times, they're in the past, your daughter has made it clear that she only wants to talk about the present and the future, respecting her wishes will be a good start in getting close to her again. Keep conversations light-hearted, loving and show interest in what she's up to, nothing too heavy, definitely no criticism or judgement. I really hope that you can build a strong, loving, happy relationship with your girls, you have a happy marriage and having your girls back in your life will be the icing on the cake. Good luck 💐.

What has happened has happened. You are now in a happy marriage, make the most of that. Nurture the relationship you do have with your daughters,

You cannot forget the past, I do appreciate that, but do not let it taint what you do have.

Another cruel man

Please be careful. It is already having an emotional cost on you