I miss my babyboy so much.

I am not so clear about whether to make a new post each time or add comments to this older thread but from the time ive been here it seems though that making new posts all the time isnt the trend here so i will add my future thoughts to this very thread.

While contrary to the perceptions that some have on this forum I am not perpetually sad or depressed but it comes by like waves on a sandy beach. Some stronger than the other but they are always there. I suppose i feel guilt because i call myself a highly sensitive person, i really am.

I find myself unable to snap out of other people's pain. I put myself in other people's shoes at times a bit too much. Things on the news can bother me for days and sometimes even weeks. While I was a people pleaser who was very vigilant to make sure that I hurt no one and made myself acutely conscious of other people's pain and at times went out of my way to help them, yet I was unaware of my own child's pain, pain i had caused him.

I keep thinking about things that transpired and i dont understand why I couldnt read the room better. Why i was so blinded by whatever I was blinded by. I vividly remember my last interactions with him. At times I get vague dreams about incidents that transpired between us months before estrangement. I dream about my son often. I think about him often. Wherever he is I hope he is happy. He was an angel who has a heart of gold. I was blessed to have him in my life and I am sure he has people around him who recognize him for what he is.

He was bright and brilliant. I always knew he was capable of amazing things. He was so smart and talented I'd joke to myself that its a miracle that such bright boy was born to someone who was dumber than a bowl of soup. I am sure he must have accomplished wonderful things in his life by now and he is probably not done yet. I'd give anything to just be around him and watch him do his magic and experience the joy he brings to everyone. Things will hopefully get better and someday the universe will reunite us.

nor harridens, sadly

avitorl

Someone posting as youngMan seems a bit out of place on a Gransnet Forum

This forum is for discussing estrangement, and Gransnet posters are not limited to Grans, parents, or women.

BlueBelle

It’s not clear to me who you are talking about, a baby you lost at birth or afterwards, a grown child who has left home, a boyfriend walking away, a husband who’s left you !!
Whatever it is I m sorry you are so sad, ten years is a long time to carry such sadness

If you're going to comment, at least do her the courtesy of reading her post which makes her situation perfectly clear

I think we can all see the situation from the son's point of view, his mum can too, and she's very sorry about it. Let's not kick the woman when she's down. She needs lifting up.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

A missed opportunity Allira.

Smileless2012

It's a shame 'he' wasn't able to express the good points he did make without being offensive. A clear case of projection IMO.

That's right.
If he had presented his point of view calmly and rationally, it might have been productive to think about the son's point of view.

It's a shame 'he' wasn't able to express the good points he did make without being offensive. A clear case of projection IMO.

I do hope though, your therapy goes well op.

young|Man did have some points though.

A son would be mortified, embarassed, ashamed, the talk of college or whereever.

And although I can fully understand the term babyboy, and this is a place to vent, it does perhaps show a glimpse of things?

Smileless2012

I see they've been deleted.

I reported one, but see they have all been deleted.
Good. They were toxic.

But not the OP.

I see they've been deleted.

I haven't discounted someone's entire point of view because they estranged their parent User, the posts are unnecessarily unpleasant and would be had they come from an EP.

Could be Allira.

Smileless2012

And there it is, the real reason for the nature of your posts youngMan; you're estranged from your own mother.

Who may well be the OP.

Seems a little weird to discount someone's entire point of view because they estranged their parent. Estranged adult children have just as much right to be here and share their opinion. And yes, our experiences have colored our perspective, just as estranged parent's experiences color theirs.

Some here seem rather threatened by that and it makes me wonder what they are denying about themselves. It hard to keep up so much denial and I can understand the urge to control the narrative to protect yourself.

OP did something really messed up. People mess up all the time. Maybe it's time to accept the consequences and move on. Forgiveness is not guaranteed and it's best to remember that BEFORE sleeping with your son's friend.

avitorl

Someone posting as youngMan seems a bit out of place on a Gransnet Forum

I dont see why.

Helps for everyone to see lots of perspectives in life.

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Someone posting as youngMan seems a bit out of place on a Gransnet Forum

Posts are motivated by many different reasons that's true, and some like yours are motivated by projecting anger and bitterness onto others.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

And there it is, the real reason for the nature of your posts youngMan; you're estranged from your own mother.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Do you believe in forgiveness at all?