Forums for estranged adult children

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IA you must really have a hard on for me .
My daughter in laws parents abandoned her when she was 18 and buggered off to the country or hers and dad's birth taking her siblings with them . I was the one whose held when she cried for her mom and siblings . I was always there for both couples .
My daughter in law trolled on GN and posed as nan and said her grandson read something on Reddit that sounded like me daughter in law. There was a link . I was very ill at the time and staying with my daughter and family while work was done on my bungalow. Normally I never press links but the physical pain I was in clouded my judgement. She has been writing for over a year .

After my husband died not only did I have my grief and that of my children. Plus my own disabilities. Had both parents and mother in law to look after. When my son brought her home to met me I was happy he found someone. As the years when by I treated her as my own . But my daughter and her hated eachother on sight.

I had put up with crap from my daughter in law for years and my son letting me down but I put up with it as I lived over 100 miles away and couldn't move until my mom died.
Both couples wanted me to live closer .

You have a warped mind when parents say they don't know why we get estranged you choose not to believe us. You must be so🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆 unhappy in your life you find sport in trying to hurt others .
But you have failed time and time again on this thread. You are the saddo loser here. Shows how your are only happy when you want to hurt others.

Need to try harder with me. Like many I have all tee shirts but am still living my life to the full without estranged children in it .

The truth is no one really knows what goes on in a marriage, it's how you feel being in their company that matters, there are ways of doing things. I got on with both my mil's and dil and sil and was still estranged. Only my daughter knows why.
If I had felt I couldn't be round that person I think I would have gone low contact but not have expected others to follow suit.

How could she possibly know IA, she never met Whiff's husband so has no idea what he and his marriage to Whiff was like and if she was told anything by Whiff's son, that would be hear say wouldn't it and not even true.

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IssendaiAcolyte

DiamondLily

IssendaiAcolyte

Whiff

I feel like a wiser, more mature approach would be to take those situations as an opportunity to self-reflect, since children don't really cut off their parents or make such jokes for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Instead of choosing to focus on the fact they didn't know your husband or that the joke was vile, maybe ask yourself "Am I so horrible to be around that they would even think such things?" (since they may not have known your husband, but they did know you I'm guessing).

Instead of choosing to think that your son is a coward, maybe ask yourself "Am I so difficult to talk to that my own son couldn't tell me this in person?"

I have an inkling of a feeling that you don't consider your brother's suggestion to "bitch slap the wife and set your [adult] son straight" was totally out of line. That may be your first clue as to why they chose to cut contact over text rather than in person.

I don't know you as well your son and daughter in law do, but I can already tell they had their reasons.

So, you seriously think that posting those things, to a widow, was acceptable by the DIL involved?

That says all we need up know about this thread. 🙄

Ok, the daughter-in-law didn't post those things TO the widow, she posted those things ABOUT the widow.

It's worth wondering why the daughter-in-law felt that way about her recently widowed mother-in-law. I don't think she would say such a joke if their relationship was purely sunshine & rainbows.

Maybe, but anyone understanding spousal bereavement, and the trauma it causes, might have found it a nicer thing not to behave that way.

Kindness, like good manners, costs nothing. 🙄

All any of us non abusive parents can hope for is to be good enough.

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It is so reassuring that the victims of cruel, vile parents are unscathed and ready to be that perfect parent, do hope in another 20 years their children feel they were.
Honestly why does anyone even bother to engage with them, they are best talking to others in the same position to celebrate their survival.

Whether it's a parent or an AC, the advise I always give and is given by others is to do what is right for you.

People support each other here valdavi and I have read people being supported to estrange a child or parent so is this forum the same apart from swearing? I've seen insults towards the other party here too.

They don't have the individual's best interest at heart, but have their own agenda, in so many cases one of the most concerning aspects of social media valdavi.

InRainbows

No one here would be very happy were they saying the same about us. I find it a little unsettling that we can't treat people as individuals who deserve a space to be supported too. How is it anyone's business but theirs?

That includes someone who's suicide curious being supported in their compulsion by people who tell them the best way & why it's a good idea?
Sorry that's a bit extreme, but in this world of connections with strangers, I think sometimes it is the business of significant others who care to ascertain just what these people are saying. They don't have the individual's best interests at heart, but have their own agenda, in so many cases.

Of course it does Maremia.

Each case has its own story.

Estrangement happens for a myriad of reasons and it's not always the EP's who are to blame.

What do you expect IA? Do you honestly think you will ever see an EP on an EP's forum saying they've been estranged because they abused their child?

Do you honestly think you will ever see an EAC on a forum for EAC saying they had a loving childhood but estranged their parent(s) because they've been coercively controlled or they didn't get the financial support or free child care they wanted?

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BlessedArt

I’ve been up close and personal to a belligerent relative not wanting to “hear” the other party speak their mind, so face to face talks turned to shouting matches with one much louder than the other. I wouldn’t sweepingly generalise by calling people “cowards” for avoiding such interactions and opting for calls/texts/emails without having firsthand knowledge that both parties can behave maturely and rationally in an emotional discussion. But that’s the core of the issue. Everyone in every situation has specific personalities and each dynamic is specific to the parties involved.

Yes I agree with you there.

I've never been one to shout and have noticed that sometimes even if you are calm it can make the other person angrier.

I'm not talking about issues on that forum InRainbows. I haven't read it because I don't read forums for EAC. I'm talking about what I've seen here on GN so I don't think there's anything to be gained from continuing this conversation.

Smileless2012

No InRainbows these quarrels aren't just over childhood and I thought you knew that AC = adult children.

The issues on the forum, a lot of them are from childhood. You didn't read it so you couldn't know that. I think if you did read them that might help because we are not on the same level to discuss it.

No InRainbows these quarrels aren't just over childhood and I thought you knew that AC = adult children.

Smileless2012

^All parents go into parenting blind^ of course they do DL. You can study a book from cover to cover about how to drive a car, but you'll have no idea what that will be like until you get behind the wheel.

Accountability works both ways InRainbows and it isn't only/always parents who need to be accountable; sometimes AC need to be too.

Applied to children? Aren't these quarrels over childhood? What would we hold children accountable for?

All parents go into parenting blind of course they do DL. You can study a book from cover to cover about how to drive a car, but you'll have no idea what that will be like until you get behind the wheel.

Accountability works both ways InRainbows and it isn't only/always parents who need to be accountable; sometimes AC need to be too.