Forums for estranged adult children

Hirlain, at least now you are free and your children have had the upbringing you deserved.

I am an adult child of parents who were early 20's when I was born. Tried their best, but have asked me questions before to find out what I think of my childhood. My replies consisted of "These things were good (95%), these things are questionable to me (3%), a and XYZ things (2%) were right out.

With every single item of that last 5 percent, they argued. For example, I stated my grandfather had been drinking wine while driving my sister and I places, and DM responded, "My father wouldn't do that!" until my DF said he'd seen it and been offered a snort several times himself. DM then said she couldn't tell her father what to do!

DF's mother was mentally ill and abusive. DF insisted we be left alone with his mother for a week at a time so we could bond with our grandmother, even when she was the sole caretaker for her diabetic husband, who was on dialysis. (to be fair, I think that was not fair to DGM!) I refused to be left there with no adults present after I got heatstroke and she refused to contact our parents or let us do so. I had 101.5 fever and was dehydrated. DF refused to say a word to his mother about it, and tried to make me go back the next summer. This was the least bad thing she did to me.

Sometimes it really is that clear cut. Even if someone apologizes for their behavior and admits fault, it cannot ever go back to the way it was. My grandparents are all dead now, and I did not leave my children unsupervised with my parents until my children were both over 12 and my parents apologized. I did not estrange my parents, but I made it clear why I was supervising them closely.

Oh dear, you really should have at least familiarised yourself with what's been posted here and by whom because I've never read anything on Reddit Beautyschooldropout.

Smileless2012

It depends on the language used InRainbows. It's possible to talk about estrangement without the use of expletives; without mocking and using derogatory words.

Someone may know or suspect who a poster is because they recognise the false allegations and the language used by the one who estranged them. Recognising the poster doesn't necessarily mean that what they are saying is true.

I'm sorry but you read something on Reddit which is similar to your supposed situation and immediately jump to the conclusion that it is about (general) you??

Sounds very self-absorbed to me. There's a shit-ton of people who have experienced both sides of this equation but can differentiate "My Lived Experience" from "Other Lived Experience".

Oh, sorry, that was in reply to a post which has been deleted now 🤦🏻‍♀️

OK thank you - although actually I don’t need or expect an apology, I know that my intentions were kind and that’s all that ever matters to me really.

Well you're wasting your time because this one is going to be removed too.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

To whoever is ‘hijacking’ my username, I don’t know your story but I’m so sorry that you are hurting so much and feel so unheard. Your trauma from whatever has happened to you is obvious and I really hope that you can find some peace and happiness in your life soon.

Thank you 👍🏻

Thank you GN .

Ooops just realised that your name has been hijacked again stillawipp so I've reported it and asked for my reply to be deleted.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

That's OK InRainbows we can agree to disagree.

Thank you InRainbows, that’s all I was trying to do! But I appreciate that others who are still estranged may interpret it differently

My understanding of virtue signalling doesn't work in this context. It's not virtue signalling to use your lived experience to help and support someone else. Especially in a situation that is incredibly painful and emotional which can make it hard to look at it from different angles.

No I haven't apologised User because I stand by what I said then and have said today.

I am glad there is support for everyone who needs it. Lots of perspectives are helpful.

OK, well let’s just agree to disagree on that & move on…!

You beat me to it stillawipp as I've also found that post .

I'm pleased you reprinted it as my opinion was more kindly expressed than your post @ 16.10 suggested.

So that is why I mostly stopped posting about my own experiences and trying to help people as someone who had had a successful reconciliation, as ‘virtue signalling’ was the last thing I intended.

Just to show that I am not making it up! But no wish to continue on the subject…

It looks from your post @ 16.24 that you have a good grasp of how narcissists behave and their motivation InRainbows.

I'm as certain as I can be stillawipp that I did no such thing.

I did sometime ago suggest that perhaps you weren't aware at how your posts can come across to those who have not been able to reconcile, that it can look as if they remain estranged because they haven't done as you did which is why saying both 'sides' must be willing is IMO so important.