Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Yogin a hard day for you . I have a friend my youngest friend she will be 16 in a couple of weeks and have seen her change from 13 year old into the confidence young woman she has become..She has battle health problems and starting a good college in September. Seeing her bloom into this young woman has been a joy . Her whole family are lovely .

Your granddaughter will eventually find out about her past especially once 18 . Plus kids are so computer literate they can access anything .

My son cut all his side of the family out of their lives . My grandsons will be 10,8&6 this year. Last time I saw the eldest 2 they where 4&2. Wouldn't recognise them now . I have always thought if they asked about family they have been told I am either dead or I don't care about them.

We are strangers and I would rather keep it that way .Sounds awful but I have moved on and my life is full. I love all the things I do . My daughter laughs that my grandsons and me have a better social life than she does .She always checks in advance if I am free for things . Usually see them once a fortnight.. But she checks on me everyday . Only days free this week is Sunday and Friday.

Seeing Babs and Mr B in August but like I told them don't expect to see them everyday . But I am looking forward to going to that area and exploring . When I change trains in London they I will need to go in a wheelchair as I won't be able to cope with the crowds and it will be the quickest way to get me to my next train.

Smiles I let Babs know about you quoting her. She has a virus at the moment just hope Mr B doesn't get it . But they are settling into their bungalow and happy they moved.

Anyway bedtime . Sweet dreams everyone.

Well today is my GD Laila's 16th birthday. I wonder when she will find out the truth of her past, that her dad is actually her stepdad, that made sure everyone that loved and adored her, and she us, her birth family, were cut out of her life in order to make sure he's son was the top dog in their family.

My estD will never understand the enormity of the pain she caused me, her mum that loved and adored her and her C.

Thanks for tip Madgran sorry to hear about your flowerbeds being eaten!

I get starlings too Birdey

Hello Jaffacake Good to hear you've managed to get your head around this estrangement journey we are all on and that your health is improved. Like you I bought up my 3 children without any help or financial from when they were 3,6,9. My 2 eldest AC are behind me 100% but the estD, who always only referred to her dad as the sperm donner has him in her life now as the best dad ever!!

Allsorts CrazyH & Hilltop xxx

Thanks for update on Babs Whiff you'll be seeing her shortly for your little holiday with her, hope you have a great time together, catching up.

Lovely to see Madgran and Bridey still here.

Jaffacake glad you got the help you needed and still have contact with your grandchildren. At least your estranged daughter realises how much they need you and you them . Smiles and other long timers are always here for those you need them . Not just over estrangement but life in general. While estrangement can dominate our lives at first it doesn't define us. Well that's my take . Like you I don't like my son he is now a stranger to me . But I am no longer the mom he knew. I will always love him but the kind loving son I had for 32 years . He will be 39 this year . May sound hard hearted but I don't want to see him again. Yes I have 3 grandson's with him and daughter in law if they want to find when older it's up to them . But I don't think I could trust them . I do love them even the youngest who I don't even know his name or exact date of birth. But if they did find me then I will note hold back about their parents . My tolerance for their behaviour in 2020 was very low but after my final text to my son only the third contact in 2023 and abuse I got back sealed any tolerance I have for either of them. Once I make my mind up about something I stick to it. I will never forgive or forget the hurt my son and daughter in law have caused me ,and my brother and his family. My daughter was already done with the pair of them years before the estrangement but would never hurt me by telling me .

We all reach a point went we have to put ourselves first and give up on those who estranged us. I reached that point in 2023. I will never deny I have a son and 3 other grandsons. I don't regret having him . But if I had my HPX diagnosis before getting pregnant with him I wouldn't have had him . As I have found out via my HPX group that's what triggered my limb jerks for 32 years and the 4 bad seizures. Before my wonderful neurologist put me on Clonazepam and changed my life for the better by stopping them .

Thankfully the increase in the tablet he knew would control my arms he didn't know if it would help with my speech which thankfully it did. So back to my usual chatterbox self . After 14 months of not being my usual self. Didn't stop me doing things but just made life harder all because the stupid stroke neurologist told me it was a migraine when my cardiologist and my own neurologist said TIA.

crazyH sorry you are back to walking on egg shells . But lovely to hear from you . 11 years takes its toll on your health and can effect your self esteem. And like you said still makes your heart ache . But those who estrange it's their choice not ours. You didn't choose this path they did.

Hilltop 7 years sorry you are still hurting . Glad to hear from you . Been 6 years for me but it doesn't hurt me anymore not since 2023. My husband dieing hurts far worse than anything my son and daughter in law said or wrote.

The grief I still feel and it is getting worse as years go by over my husband dieing 22 years ago in February. I don't grieve over my son . My son choose his path. My husband didn't choose to die but he had to the cancer was to advance and he was in agony and couldn't breath even on full oxygen. So I had to tell him stop struggling we would be ok . He died few minutes after I always believe he was waiting for me to let him go . He was unconscious but nurses always said hearing is the last thing to go and to keep talking to him .

I know the old timers will still keep the support thread going and hope it will continue to help others and give people a safe haven for their estrangement. And no doubt we will be fighting trolls now the new thread has started. But they never win .

Back to my usual rambling self 🤣.

Take good care of yourselves.

Smiles thanks for starting the new thread while grieving for Pippin. Hopefully you and Mr S will remember all the silly ,funny things he did. But if he is like my brother and sister in law's dog he knew when you needed extra attention or just need to sit or lie by you . Aggie always knows when my sister in law is going to have a MS episode and goes by her and looks at her and even herded her to sit down before she falls.

You and Mr S will have lots of Pippin stories which will make you smile and laugh . My daughter's eldest has a photo of Aggie in his bedroom. The boys only meet her once when they came to stay for a few days . My youngest grandson terrified her so she hid under my sister in law's legs but he was a toddler and got over excited. While his brother took Aggie for a walk with his great uncle and held Aggie's lead all the way.

I have never wanted to be a pet owner but do love meeting friends dogs and strangers . If a dog comes to me I always ask the owner if I can stroke it. Funny enough I got over my fear of dogs after being attacked twice as a child for my son and daughter in law as they had 2 dogs . Glad I did over come my fear and even very big dogs don't frightened me .

Pippin and his sister gave you and Mr S everything you needed at the time of your estrangement. They and now his sister she gives you what your son can't not unconditional love ,comfort and understanding in a doggy way . Dogs and cats can give people what they need without strings attached that's why assistance dogs are so important for children and adults well being . The Brain Charity has several that help out at various groups they have . And I have friends with assistance dogs who help with practical things and moral support.

In a way Pippin and his sister assisted you both through your estrangement and think Joey does the same for Yogin . I know some have cats but they probably do the same thing. Funny enough none of my friends have cats just dogs .

As a none pet owner this is my take on pets which may be way off but it's how I see things.

I will let Babs now about your tribune to her Smiles. They are settling into their bungalow and very glad they moved . Even though it means not seeing Yogin and Joey who she misses . Mr B has more problems but he is still with her and she is coping with her families support. Her estranged daughter doesn't know they have moved as no need.

Jaffa I remember your posts from ghat difficult time 2 years ago. I am so glad you have found a way through for you and that you still see your grandchildren.

Thank you, Smileless, for starting the new thread. I mostly lurk on here but l do appreciate the chats very much.
Seven years now that l have been estranged from my son. It will hurt for ever but will live my life as enjoyably as l can. I know the relationship will never get any better now.
With very best wishes to all on here.

Thankyou Allsorts

Jaffacake, how lovely you came back and let us know how you are. I am so glad you received the help you needed and you have emerged stronger, long may it continue.
Crazy, glad you have got to a manageable period in your lufe after all the heartache.
I was estranged at that time, it was so painful and I could never trust my daughter again, she did damage that affected so many people. She is better living the life with her adopted family in it . ie.friends because as she said she chose them.

Thankyou Smileless and everyone else for their kind words and sound advice, over the years.
I came here 11 years ago, I think🤔 when I was struggling with family relationships. My heart aches even now, when I remember that horrible time. Things are ok but not perfect. As recently as February of this year , there were issues, not surprisingly with the same branch of the family.
Walking on eggshells is the name of the game.
Thankyou all xx

I would like to thank everyone on this thread who supported me 2 years ago. I was very ill with an inoperable brain condition and was subjected to abuse and threats of estrangement from my oldest daughter. It reached the point of me being seriously suicidal. I was referred to mental health and have been in therapy which has just finished.
Through this I have managed to distance myself from this daughter emotionally but still have contact due to the bond I have with my grandchildren.She recognises this and realised that they want me in their lives. I no longer feel that I need her validation for my life or that I should feel guilt for anything which she has deemed neglectful parenting. I am satisfied that throughout her life she has had unconditional love and care from me. Her father left when she was young and I have raised her and her younger sister alone.
I love her but don't like her due to the abuse I have received from her when I was at my most vulnerable in medical care.
Thank you ladies for your support through that difficult time. You are all special who deserve peace in your lives. Xx

Thank you for the new thread Smileless, its a lifeline to many of us.
Anybody know how to deter hoards of starlings pinching my blackbirds food? 😬!!!

Hi Everyone! Squirrels - chilli flakes (big bags in Sainsburys) sprinkled on my raised beds and pots seem to be putting them off. I literally lost every tulip bulb last year to the local Squirrel Nutkins! 🙄

Well done again Smiles in opening the new thread, how many are we at now?

Enjoy your friends coming for lunch Smiles it will take your mind off your loss and cheer you up a bit.

Allsorts Had all the feral pigeons in my garden this morning as I put out some bird food, I put it out for 'snow white' the white pigeon that I love and her babies. Still put it down, asking where SW was, felt bad not to as they seemed very hungry.

I have 2 regular squirrels in my garden; onenut & twonut, called this as this is how many monkey nuts they can get in their little mouths .

Have a nice day everyone. Voting day today, so I have the evening off.