Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Hi Smiles

Nice to read you had a lovely BBQ with lots of Prosecco, naughty but nice.

I wore the dress & jacket I wore for my DD wedding, so only second time of wearing it, I bought a new fascinator which was quite big, between a small hat and fascinator. My new shoes I ordered online still haven't arrived, even though they were promised to be delivered before the big day. We had our picnic once we got off the coach with some prosecco and finished it off before we left for home. We sang at the bandstand at the end with all the celebs. It was a great day.

Whiff & Allsorts I had a lovely time at The Royal Ascot, we were in the Queen Ann enclosure [I thought it Princess].
I was picked up at 8.30 and didn't get dropped off until 11.30pm, so very long, but great day out. We had a couple of bets, my DD won, I didn't . So expensive; 1 glass of Pimms was £15, small portion of chips £10 .

My DD txt me the night before, saying she had fallen down the stairs, hurt her foot but was OK, only couldn't wear her new shoes as could only get on a flat pair. When I saw her the next day, on the coach, her foot was so bad! the other not as much, but by the end of the day both were worst. I got her a seat on the terrace and did all the running around. Midway we went to the medical tent, useless!

Next day my DD sent me a pic; both her feet had gone black with blood blisters, her ankles too. She didn't want to sit in A&E for 11hrs on a Sunday, so waited & saw the doctor Monday. He said she had an infection in her feet, booked her for an Xay at the hospital [still waiting but at home]. She ordered a foot & ankle support and some special cream & tabs to help with the bruising & swelling. She just sent me another pic and they still look very bad! I'm very worried and feel very sorry for her, being a mum she finds it hard to stay off her feet.

Very hot morning all

Whiff how awful for your neighbour to be treated so abominable by her Ds, shocking! I would do the same as your neighbour re; stopping treatment and just enjoying what's left of her life. How can her Ds be so heartless at such a bad time in their mum's life.

Good luck with your choir recordings, I could do with some singing lessons, when I sing along with Sunday's 'Songs of Praise', it's not good

Morning everyone. I hope you're all prepared for the very hot weather we'll be having and stay safe.

I said to Mr. S. at the weekend isn't it lovely when you don't have to work anymore, especially when the weather's like this Allsorts.

We had friends over for a BBQ Saturday evening and really enjoyed making the most of the weather by sitting outside. Our neighbours A & L popped over Sunday afternoon and we enjoyed several bottles of Prosecco between the four of us.

They're off work this week but their plans have been scuppered because A managed to break a toe on Sunday and is hobbling around with one of her mum's walking sticks. We're going over there later this afternoon for something to eat and might stay on to watch England play.

They have been very foolish Whiff, we should always be careful about what we put in writing and have laid themselves wide open to a perfectly valid claim of discrimination.

Tell us all about Ascot Yogin, what your dress was like and of course your hat, assuming you wore one.

Please take care in this heat everyone xx

Allsorts I will not write to the Wombles but if they don't leave me alone . I will get the Brain Charity in on the act. They came to my home 10th May I officially left the Wombles on the 14th May. What they did on the 10th I have been told by an expert its called passive bullying .
They have shot themselves in the foot delivering the letter on Tuesday. They can't gag me as I decide what is private in my own home not them. What made me so mad was suggesting I need a carer or support buddy. How dare they .

Plus they said a member had dementia which in telling a non Womble her private information is a big no no . Don't think if she is able to understand she and her relatives won't be happy telling me.

The letter is harassment. The other 3 groups I am a member of checked with the leaders of the groups and they where appalled. Plus same people sit by me every week . And I have been asked how to get the card and lanyard not just for them but those who have disabled children or grandchildren.

Aren't having my cleaner on Thursday a friend of mine is an active member of the church where my groups are held they hire a room ,and asked me I wanted to go its for 3 hours a talk about Palestine embroidery and the teacher is bring everything and teaching us. But I know some of the members of the Wombles will be there as they attend that church. If they say hello I will reply. I am always early so will sit down and see if any of them sit by me . But my friend and other non Wombles will there. Knowing me if a Womble sits by me I will ask if they aren't afraid of getting into trouble. Evil laugh 😂.

My disability only effects me I am no danger to anyone . They are making it out to be a problem. Which makes me laugh as they where other people with disabilities which could be a danger to others .

But I am no push over and sending that letter have written proof . For so called intelligent people they have been very stupid. Enough about them .

Yogin how was Ascot ? I have an imagine of you in a beautiful dress sipping champagne and having canapés. Hope you won on some of the races.

Try and keep cool . 😎 27° in my living room with my fan on and curtains shut. 🥵 🥵.

Whiff, been reading about the upsetting contents of the letter you received from Wombles. Can understand how gutting it must have been for you after that dreadful conversation. I do think that they felt they couldn't handle responsibility should something have happened to you. Whilst you know what you feel comfortable with within the group, they didn't and could and should should have handled it better in a caring and friendly way, they were confrontational and it was harrassment. . I would write a letter back, saying that and legally they have no right to object to you wearing the Lanyard, that you wouldn't be joining any groups if you didn't feel up to it, that you have a mind of your own and didn't ask for their assessment of what you can or cannot do or say. No one knows what people have to cope with, many confusions are visibly hidden. That their actions have caused hurt at the injustice of it all and you deserve an apology. Then I would leave it at that. You are outgoing and friendly and will soon find another group you feel at home with. You have two nice holidays not far away to look forward to. The choir too.
Yoga it is my idea of heaven living by the sea, plus you have family and friends near bye. I like being where I am because I am near my family and friends but miss the sea so much, it's my happy place. If I win a lot of cash I will buy a little flat overlooking the sea. Just a dream.
I don't know about all of you but I am all ready for the heatwave , will be in side catching up on my reading, eating my favourite things and no doubt putting on the weight I have lost a lot quicker than I lost it. Glad I don't have to work anymore. So take care all of you and stay safe.

Allsorts my neighbour is getting very good heathcare. But has decided no more operations ,chemo or radiotherapy. She wants to spend whatever time she has left at home and she has someone doing her shopping and cleaning and will pay for carers . I will visit her . She was the first person who welcomed me here . I have the time as no more Wombles. She's like me a chatterbox . Her daughters are both healthy and don't work and drive . Both husbands have very good jobs. Her eldest daughter has just moved into a massive house in a very up market area. But told her mom she will never set foot in it.

My daughter said about the letter its called harassment. I said I know but they had better leave it there. I am no push over my tolerance for shit is zero.

Very hot here this morning but clouded over now Yogin . Royal Ascot in the Princess Ann enclosure very posh. Hope you have a bet and your horse wins. Enjoy people watching and see if you spot any one famous.

Joey will be feeling lot better after his hair cut.

Don't know if I said the 4 contemporary choirs will be going into a recording studio either 12th or 19th September they are Saturday's so I will beable to go. Its going to be fun . Be great meeting the other choirs. I have to laugh me in a choir . Our choir director was lovely and told me my singing is getting better. But my daughter does ask how many stray cats follow me home. Cheeky kid 😜

Morning all

Sizzler today! I was on the beach with Joey by 7am, walking in the just departing shoreline waters, it was heaven. In all day now. Will give Joey a haircut so he keeps cool. Bought one of those bladeless fans, so that will be on all day, good it's silent.

Need to shower after cutting Joey's hair and do my nails, ready for tomorrows day at the Royal Ascot, we are in the Princess Ann enclosure, leaving at 8.15am so need to get everything ready to go today. Bought some beautiful but comfortably shoes, 2 pairs, to where at Ascot, but don't think they will get here in time now .

Welcome Jduffy. It's so sad isn't it. I've missed my precious GD growing up, we were so close, she and her mum lived with me, I chose her name, there-after she had my full name/surname, taken from her by her stepdad. I have the original birth certificate, which one day she will get to see.
Missed my little GS too growing up, who wasn't born whilst living with me though.

Whiff best of luck with the Wombles group. How sad for your neighbour, nice of you to sit and chat with her for 2.5hrs, sure she felt better afterwards. I hope Karma does some payback to all our heartless AC.

Keep cool Smiles & Allsorts xxx

I found Whiff comment funny too Smiles .

Whiff, I feel so sorry for your neighbour, how can two daughters pull away from her when she is so ill? It is beyond me. I do hope she is getting all the help she can, you often say how good the Health Care is where you live and surely they won’t leave her stranded. If her daughters have distanced now she is so vulnerable and ill I can understand her not wanting to go on, I really can. Physically they may be unable to help as but a visit and talking to her or a trip out would help so much and its just time.

Allsorts she has know the leader of the Wombles since the children were small and she is going through a hard time at the moment. Pointed out.most people are me included had another diagnosis but its treatable but like my HPX and heart lifelong treatment.

Also what makes me laugh is they are committed Christians as if that makes the 3 who started all this good people. If that's their form of Christianity glad I am an atheist at least I am not a hypocrite.

Jduffy we understand what you are going through. Seems like its a sport our estranged kids love kicking the boot in. They know the best way to hurt you. The longevity of this thread shows how much it is need and always will be . Two years everything is still very raw and hard to bare. I gave my son 3 years then decided enough . Its been 6 years and I never want to see him again. But that's me once I decide to do something I do. My 3 grandsons are strangers and probably been told I don't want them or I am dead.

I have my daughter ,son in law and 2 grandsons. We see each other once a fortnight they live 10 mins away but like my daughter says the boys and me have a better social life than she does. She always checks if I going to be in or not. But does check I am ok daily.

One of my neighbours who I spent 2.5 hours with yesterday didn't intend to but I can't not talk to someone if they need it. Since her cancer and shes going blind her 2 daughters both have pulled away from her saying don't expect us to look after you. She's 89. She told me she has had enough and doesn't see the point of living. Hence my staying and talking her she needed someone who understood.

This thread is like that . Talk about what ever you want this is a safe place . Just a group of friend chatting . Especially the one who rambles 🤪 . Yeah mean me.
You are not alone nor is estrangement the taboo subject it once was.

Celieanne, I echo what Smileless has said. Please do not be hurt if your nephew wants to meet your son, why shouldn't he? It is not his problem so welcome him and do not mention your son,. No one knows why your son has done what he has. You have enough coping with your health limitations and at your age looking after your terminally ill husband. I do not think anyone can understand the betrayal of your own child turning on you. It's a lonely place to be with your thoughts and it affected my self worth and confidence. All my friends have children that bother with them so I often think why me.
Whiff, why did your friend support them, did she give reasons?

Hello Jduffy. It's surprising how comforting it can be to know that you're not the only one and I'm glad that simply reading these threads have provided some support .

wish my ticks had the swear words and inappropriate language oh Whiff that did make me . You are naughty which is why we love you.

Thank you all - you’ve given me support and it’s helped to proportion how being barred from seeing my grandchildren- 2 years now - for no reason I can see, is sadly not uncommon and suffered by many others too - with thanks and feeling for all those in my same situation

Should have said wish my ticks had the swear words and inappropriate language.

Yogin I won't do that as I really like a lot of the people there. They don't know what is going on. They will be tarred with the same brush. I have something even better I will set the Brain Charity on them. My HPX I can have ticks like some with tourettes only have but dont have the the verbal swear words and inappropriate words. A friend has that form of tourettes just the ticks .

Oh dear Whiff What about the local paper, makes for a good story.

Well its seems I am the villain as I won't bend as far as the Wombles are concerned. Meet who I thought was a good friend the mother of my youngest friend. And she defended the women involved who came 10th May and the letter I received Tuesday.

I did tell her if they do anything else what I do they are going to regret messing with me. I left the Wombles 2 days after they came it should have been the end if it. And told her what was said in my home I decide if its private or not no one is telling me it was a private conversation. They tried to gag me way to late as I have posted about it on sites I trust.
Watch this space 😤 .

Welcome Celieanne

Very good advice from Smiles & Whiff

Yes, our EAC do gather together to share terminologies which will hurt us, their parents, the most. They gather on Reddit, Mumsnet and the like. Stick with us now and you will get all the help, advise, kindness and support to help you through these difficult times .

Whiff contact your local paper and give them the story.

You have every right to be angry Whiff. Least you should do is write back and tell them what you've said above. You could take it even further but then it would be equally unpleasant and time consuming for you but definitely write a letter back and put them straight. What a rotten club, you're best out of it.

Hello Celieanne.

I realise that what I'm about to say is 'easier said than done' but do try not to take your nephew's decision to meet up with his cousin, the son whose estranged you, personally.

He's coming over to meet family who he has no memory of ever seeing or has never seen so they are essentially strangers to him, as he is a stranger to you.

You say that none of your family are bothered about seeing him and I'm assuming this means that they are prepared to attend a family get together for the benefit of your nephew, with your estranged son in attendance.

It may help to re frame this as your family doing what they can to accommodate your nephew, rather than behaving in a way which understandably for you, looks as if they lack any understanding of or concern for the way your ES has behaved.

If this has not already been arranged/addressed, it is perfectly reasonable for you to meet with your nephew, with or without other family but definitely without your ES being present.

Every single one of us who lives with the pain of being estranged by their own child, knows how difficult it can be when family or even friends have contact with the AC whose estranged us. It can feel at worse like a betrayal and at best a complete lack of understanding of the pain we've endure.

Only those who have been estranged by their AC can begin to understand what that is like and even then, only you know what it's like for you and only you can know how much it took to get through all of that pain at the worse time in your life, when you lost your DH.

You will be seeing the nephew who you last saw when he was a baby; enjoy it. Enjoy learning about the life he has in Australia and that he'll have come all this way to meet the family he has never known which includes his 89 year old aunt.

When our AC estrange us they don't just destroy our relationship, they destroy our dreams. They prevent us in many cases from having the life we thought we would have; from being GP's.

You have the opportunity to meet up with the nephew you probably never expected to see again. Don't let anything or anyone spoil it for you x

Thanks for that Whiff I find it odd how the doctor said I should be 10 for my age [3more than you] but that I was 12.
Strangely I had to visit the doctor for something else, thought I'd be given some cream to clear up an 'infection' but when I collected it, it was the same as what you have; Atrovastatin 20mg. I've taken 2 so far at lunch time, once cleared up, I'll stop, no side-effects so far. Hiding from my son as he would be august.

Good to read you enjoyed your theatre trip. My sister has just asked if I want to see 'Tony Hadley's Christmas Big Band in Nov. It wouldn't have been my choice but I'm sure it will be a great night out.

I'm posting, then back soon to finish reading your post Whiff..........

Well Whiff, they have chosen the wrong person to bully , stand firm, and as Smileless says show them your forum
Disgraceful discrimination!

Celieanne86 you have come to the right place. I am sorry about your husband and know you feel half of you is missing . I am glad my husband was long dead before my son estranged not just me but what is left of our side of the family. He hurt my brother very much and my nephew as they where close.

I had a kind loving son for 32 years . The realisation he is a cruel coward as he did it via email and follow up letter was hard. You are right all the things you say your son is so is my son. He knew at the time he sent the email they had found a problem with my heart showed just how little he cared. He called me vindictive and manipulative in his follow up letter.

They apply to him and my daughter in law . I had horrible in laws we hated each other on sight from 1975. My father in law died in 1988 not long after I had been in hospital for 3 weeks. I was born disabled he told me I was defective but at least he had the guts to say it to my face. I hated my mother in law for 40 years but I looked after for 11 years after my husband died she was 91 .

My son and daughter in law have turned into my in laws. Only difference at least my in laws said horrible things to our face . But I don't hate them but I decided after being estranged for 3 years in 2023 I never want to see my son ever again . We are strangers I am no longer the mom he knew and he is definitely not the son I knew. I have 3 grandsons with them don't know the name or date of birth of the youngest only he was due July 2020. If they decide to find me I won't hold back about their parents as I put up with a lot from them .

I totally understand why you feel as you do. I don't understand why after 60 years your nephew wants to meet . You are strangers as he was a baby when you last saw him what would you talk about .

Your carers should be more understanding. Are they from a private carer agency or NHS ? My cleaner is from a private care agency . Because of my disability and my need for planning and routine in my life. I know I will have a cleaner come every Thursday. They are trained in all forms of care as the agency offers what ever their clients need. They where recommended to me by someone I did a course last year as they help her shower.

When I told them about my son's estrangement they told me it has happened to clients they help. When one of their clients died and his siblings told him he said good but at least he didn't attend the funeral . So they could grieve in peace their mom had died years ago before the estrangement.

I cut my son out of my will in 2020 and took out both powers of attorney and my daughter and son in law are my attorneys . I trust my son in law the same way I trust my daughter. I never saw the estrangement coming but my lovely son in law said he knew things weren't right for years but didn't want to hurt me.

That's the difference between the couples one has done nothing but hurt me and the other nothing but love and caring .

My son will never know when I die as there is no need he nor my grandsons are in my will. Everything is left to my daughter and if she decides to give my grandsons anything its her choice. My husband and me always agreed children can inherit from their parents and grandchildren can inherit front their parents.

Does your other son and daughter have anything to do with their brother? And are they bothered about seeing your nephew in September?

Because I talk about my estrangement from my son his choice. I am amazed how many people are estranged from family members . One of my cousins wife her dad estranged her when she was a teenager when he left her and his wife for another woman and started a new famiky. She died when she was 53 theu had been together since they where 14. We got on like a house on fire. Somehow her dad found out she had died and came to the funeral luckily my other 2 cousins saw him before their brother did and threw him out. Infact the youngest of the brothers punched him as he tried to stay.

Keep posting how you feel we understand. This is a safe thread and thanks to Smiles and other long term estranged any horrors or trolls are soon sent packing . Safest thread on the estrangement forum.
🫂

I’ve been reading through all the posts today, I wonder do these estranged sons and daughters gather together to work out which phrases and comments and barbs will hurt their parents the most.
Well I’ve got some as well, loathsome, vindictive, ungrateful, spiteful and evil minded being just a few I can think of at the moment, and cruel, yes cruel when he knows his dad is dying of cancer,it could have been at any time.
It’s four years since my spoilt selfish brat of a son put the phone down on me because I was looking after my husband and it wasn’t possible to speak to him just at that moment.
Well I don’t want to speak to him now, he destroyed me at the funeral, he didn’t even speak to me or his brother and sister, or anybody as far as I know. I’ve stayed calm up until now, prayed he would understand and come back but it’s over, a switch has been clicked. I don’t know why, apart from I can’t understand. I don’t understand, he doesn’t want to know us.
My nephew who lives in Australia and who I last saw 60 years ago when he was a baby is coming over on holiday for a month to meet us all, he’s a year older than his cousin, knows the situation but wants to meet up with him. It’s affecting me badly as none of the family knowing how much he hurt his dad and me are bothered about seeing him. Help please, suggestions gratefully read and considered. I’m very old, 89 next month, totally disabled and looked after by carers who can’t understand why I’m not looking forward to
September and yes you have read about my whinging, moaning, never satisfied son before. I’m so glad I’ve got gransnet thank you 🥰