Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning everyone.

I don't know to what extent or any that our ES was influenced by social media Spring; any influence would have come from his wife.

I don't know if 13.5 years ago estrangement was being discussed on social media as much as it is now, if at all. It's not something we and I suspect any of us, would have looked into if not for our own estrangements.

I think we'll all experience triggers from time to time, I know we do even though I'm not sure I love our ES anymore. As you say how can you love someone who is now a stranger. On the rare occasions I do think about him, it's like looking back on a life and relationship that because it no longer exists, I find myself questioning if it ever was real.

How can something so wonderful which it was, turn into something so awful, which is what it's become.

Not wanting anything to do with our ES isn't about forgiveness or anger Whiff, it's about fear. The fear of being in a position to be hurt again because I honestly don't think I'd recover of it happened again, and don't think Mr. S. would either.

Hope you enjoyed the Phil.

We arrived at Alnwick yesterday, back to the cottage we stayed in last year and unlike last year, have swimming costumes so we can make use of the hot tub which we didn't know was here, which we'll do later.

Had Poppy's bed in our room last night as we weren't sure how she'd be without Pip. Keeping her with us today but hope to venture out this evening for a meal. Everything's within walking distance so we wont be out for long and we'll hang around for 5 minutes to make sure she's OK. If she's crying, it will be takeaways for the duration of our stay so fingers crossed.

Spring your last sentence is so true. I love the son I had for 32 years. Who he he is now no idea. But I am also a stranger to him . I have changed a lot in 6 years since the estrangement but had already started that change the moment I move here 7 years next month.

I feel love for my 3 grandsons but because they are part of my husband they are strangers to. Where as the love I feel for my other 2 grandsons is strong as I know them both and would kill for them.

I know some have reconciled with estranged adult children and have a relationship with their grandchildren . But I am not the sort to forgive or forget . Still haven't forgiven my brother over what I now know was estrangement for 2 years over 35 years ago and never will. All caused by his 2nd wife's lies. I can never forgive how much he hurt our parents and my husband . We have always been close as there is only 16 months between us. And I had 3 witnesses to what I asked. She did want I needed as it was a medical problem but lied and said I forced her. I never liked her and my husband couldn't stand the sight of her. But she was family.

But family doesn't have to mean blood relatives. We can choose friends to become family ,those with pets they are family. I am glad I am the age I am now. I would hate missing out being brought up with a horde of family .members without the distraction of all the technology. Every pavement had hopscotch chalked on it ,children could play out without parents watching knowing other parents would help them if your child had an accident or needed the loo.

Of course things were different when my children where born but kids could still go to the park and playing field ,out on their bikes without parental supervision. But for my grandsons that's not the case anymore. Its not just having to worry about strangers in person but what they can see online .

At least when I grew up and my children you knew who the bullies where as they faced you . But now children and adults are bullied by people hiding behind a screen .

Here on GN there are bullies who take pleasure in hurting people because they are hiding behind a username. Thankfully others fight them and protect the vulnerable.

On a lighter note found myself instead of talking to myself in Sainsburys yesterday singing Ordinary a song we have learnt at choir what bits I could remember. Then walking from the bus stop Son of a Preacher man . Smiles I can understand why you loved singing in a choir . The 4 songs we will be recording are Earth song ,Because of you,Ordinary and Son of a preacher man . Then have 4 more new songs to learn by April we will have 12 to perform at a concert . Its not compulsory to go too the recording or do the concert but wild horses wouldn't stop me doing both.

At the Phil today for the year 4& 5 string orchestra, wind band and choir . Lot of proud parents and other relatives in the audience. Luckily my friend who had the bike accident is able to come but we are in a box so will be more comfortable for her.
And on that note with shut up . 😁

Marg75 - another person estranged 13/14 years now. At a time when estrangement was scarcely recognised/talked about. I often wonder if our EC was influenced by what they read on social media. Maybe I’m wrong but we were so naive about it at the time.
Not sure what love for an EC means now…..as Smiles said, our spirit gets broken and it’s so hard to recover. I too find myself rarely thinking about our EC now…..but it doesn’t stop me from being triggered every so often.
Overwhelming feeling is just one of sadness though, more than any love. How can you love someone who is now a stranger.

This thread saved me as there was no one I could talk to about my son as they wouldn't have understood. Unless you live through an experience like estrangement, bereavement, moving house etc then no one understands what its like . My best friend was a family counsellor for over 20 years . But they couldn't have children and when I told her about my son she put that voice on and told her to knock it off . I don't need a counsellor I need my friend . I never spoke to her about him since.

I only post about things I have experienced or in the case of the BHF site about heart problem I have ,those of my brother and dad. Because I know what my dad went through he talked to me as he didn't want to upset mom . And I know things my brother has and is going through.

We all have a lot tee shirts of various experiences that we can share with others and then they don't feel alone . I am a chatterbox bet you didn't guess 🤪. I am amazed at the people who have talked to me as they had no one who would understand.
Like those in the Wombles who confided in me things they never told anyone and those who asked me where to go for help with PIP ,equipment etc. I could if I wanted to be mean and destroy the repution of the Wombles and destroy there goody goody imagine of community spirit. But I won't as there a lot of them I like. But if the leader and admin try contacting me again I will destroy them not the everyday members. They picked on the wrong person .

My HPX group was a lifeline as finally understand why my body has done and does what it does now . I am not weird but them again my daughter would say yes you are mom 🤣 .

Our teacher at move it or lose it this week asked what we where glad of . Lot of answers about this that the other not basic things . Mine was breathing that got a laugh.

Here it's good friends ,support not just about estrangement but life in general ,understanding and not being criticised for my view on things .

Well my cleaner will ge here soon. ❤️ to you all.

Yes Smiles thank goodness for this thread. I remember when I first found it, it was and still is a lifeline in this unfathomable nightmare. I loved my estD with all of my heart & soul, I would do anything for her and now to this, I would never have imagined that I could say that I no longer love her.

Allsorts I feel for you, sure, like me, you didn't do anything to deserve being estranged from you D&GC. If I get a sudden sadness wash over me, about it all, I quickly push it out of my brain, no point in getting upset, nothing to be done. Hope your tummy is better today, maybe something you ate or drunk? If it happens again, best to visit the doctors.

Bridey & Marg I wonder how they will think when they become GP, will they finally realise the enormity of what they have done to their mum, I hope so.

Whiff xxx

Morning everyone.

Yes, I feel like that too Whiff. It's weird isn't it; not something any of us would ever have expected to feel and thank goodness for this thread because without it, would we have found somewhere where we could talk so openly.

I very rarely think about him now, not even on his birthday and it was sometime ago that I posted here that I loved him but was no longer 'in love' with him. As if that love was purely biological and existed because I'm his mother and would always exist.

Now like you, I'm no longer sure if I love him at all and that had never really occurred to me until we saw him in Lidl a few weeks ago, because I suppose I'd not really thought about it.

I didn't think about just walking past not making eye contact, because there wasn't time to make a conscious decision; maybe it was instinctive.

It was as you say a different time Bridey, a different time and another life which as time goes by when I look back, I sometimes struggle to believe that that life ever existed.

It's not just our hearts they break, they break our spirit. They undermine our sense of self and the dark and menacing cloud they cast over our lives tarnishes everything; the past, the present and the future.

I have become quite numb when it comes to feeling anything for him maybe that's what it is Marg rather than no longer loving them the numbness prevents us from feeling anything at all.

It's not that we want our AC to look after us in our old age, or to be responsible for us in any way, we just want them to care whether we live or die and the stark reality for us is they don't.

I love friends even if we never meet. It's how you are with each other and words can show love and caring absolutely Whiff .

💐Marge, I don't understand it either, thank goodness you still have DH. On your own after a while people forget you have a AC you don't see, there is no one to talk to as it's old news, I come on here, know it's not just me.

My son thinks he broken my heart but that broke when my husband died and hasn't be whole since.

Bridey and Marg sounds weird saying glad to see your names but I am . You echo how we feel. I look at this way if I was on fire my daughter,son in law and 2 grandsons would run in to save me. My son and daughter in law would pour petrol on me to burn quicker. My 3 grandsons wouldn't have a clue who I was.

My son will never know when I die as there is no need. He will not benefit from my death or my 3 grandsons.

I never deny he exists or my 3 grandsons. But love them have can you love someone you don't know.

I love friends even if we never meet . Its how you are with eachother and words can show love and caring . But that's how I feel. Others will disagree but its how I feel and think.

I don't come on here very often but have written about our estrangement from our son. It's been 13 years now, and I have become quite numb when it comes to feeling anything for him. I love the memories I have of his childhood but I feel no love just a bewilderment at how he can live his life knowing he has two parents in their 80s and obviously not caring if we live or die.

Ditto Allsorts,
They broke my heart and some of my spirit, To cut me off the way they did was and is cruel, how can they continue to do this to somebody they profess to love?

Whiff, that's a lot of money raised at the Pakestinian Embroidery. Your walk on the beach sounds lovely, just you and your daughter. I know you made up your mind very early on that you wouldn't reconcile, with me it was more it became impossible to reconcile as it had gone on so long I don't know her so couldn't. I am used to it and have my moments, will never understand how she did such cruel things, she really did break my heart. I have periods when I think it must be me, some thing I did or didn't do and was not aware of, she must hate me very much for her to be like that.
Bridie I know just how you feel.
Smileless, glad little Poppy is now ready for more hot weather after your fraught trip to get her groomed. Good job she always has you and Mr S there as s he must miss her companion so much and it's not like a person, you can't explain.
Last night for some reason, I had such an upset stomach, felt fuzzy and sick, hardly 3 hours sleep, up and down and felt as if I had been in the sun too long but there wasn't any here, very odd. Just had breakfast and all ok fingers crossed.

Sorry to read about your traffic probs Smiles we had bad delays on our trip to R.Ascot, took us 4.5hrs! Always seem to be temp traffic lights around here, taking ages to get to my yoga class Monday good job I always allow plenty of time to get there. Poor little Poppy, nice of you to give up your church on Sunday.

Sounds lovely Whiff your walk on the beach, I love walking by the sea, but not been for weeks, as too hot even before 7am! Like you, I think the love for my once beloved, now estD, has gone, what she has done is truly wicked & cruel and no reason for it either.

Bridey xx

Pleased you still enjoying your wanderings Whiff, you and i were estranged around the same time, i recently realised that those i miss were from a different time in my life, we have all moved on, so much has happened to all of us in those estranged years, ive changed, and they will have to, my feelings for them are based on memories.
I still miss them so much, but cant imagine how we would interact if reconciled.

Glad Poppy has a new fur cut. There is a lady I see regularly on her way to the park she has a lovely little terrier. When it was at its hottest didn't take her out for 3 days just riggered up a shelter in the garden for her. She did make me smile when out walking always takes a bowl and water for the dog. Even when she is panting she wouldn't drink out of the bowl only at home. So ends up pouring the water over her back and rubbing some into her face. Like one of my neighbours dog they had her from a puppy and lived 12 years but she was funny she would never turn left to got too the park so always had to walk further to get her get there. If they picked her up to turn left she fought them 🤣. Dogs are so funny . Be seeing Aggie next week she never forgets me and gets excited that's why I have to greet her on the drive and she lies on her back for a tummy rub and always wees on my hand. I think is she is marking me as hers.

Yogin glad your daughter hasn't any broken bones . Hopefully no muscle,ligament or tendon damage as they can take longer to heal than a break. The antibiotics while dealing with the infection depending how long the course is can make some people feel low . Problem with anything to do with feet and legs its not as if you can rest them for long.

Will see my friend on Friday the concert starts at 1pm. She is still in pain but walking further. Says she will stick to walking and swimming .

My friend who I meet at sit fit when I first joined the class 3.5 years ago said they raised over £800 in donations from the Palestinian embroidery afternoon and talk on the evening. Saw her on Monday but wouldn't see her until August as she is off on her travels. She is an amazing woman you think she is like an absent minded professor if you saw her. But she is highly intelligent never blows her own trumpet just a joy to be with . Mr W dieing when he did never did all the things we wanted so I love hearing all about the places people go and their adventures. Places I can never go to. But I still have my adventures.

Last choir for me this week as they break up until September next week. Still practicing every day while using my static pedals. Should have 2 lessons in September before we record the songs . Already told them I need to be on the end of a row and need a chair incase I can't stand up the whole time .

Smiles can understand why singing brought you so much joy . I am not a good singer but think I am getting better.

Get my case packed today as I always have to get it done long before I go.

Had a lovely walk on the beach with my daughter Monday morning. Beach here are sandy but the one nearest to us there are patches of quick sand even though marked people still get stuck.

Sand is hard packed so easy to walk on . By the sea wall the sand is loose. Saw lot of dead jellyfish some had beautiful patterns . It was lovely just the 2 of us. They have a new car on order . Its electric had the charger fitted . But she said I will need a step to get into it. But I have a spare toddler step which will do the job. At least my son in law won't be squashed driving in future. They have had the VW Golf since their oldest was a baby . Both my grandsons are tall. Finally told my daughter I don't want to see her brother evet again as we are strangers and I can never forgive him and that I decided that 3 years ago. We never talk about him as the boys are with us. She said she is glad as he has hurt me to much.

Thinking him about I loved the son I had for 32 years but now not sure I love him this last 6 years . Do others feel like this. We are now strangers and I am not the same mom he knew have no tolerance for bad behaviour.

not allow an hour and 45 minutes to get there; an hour and 15 minutes

I can't remember the last time we had such a stressful day .

It should take about 50 minutes to get to the groomers so we always allow an hour and 45 minutes, just in case and it took an hour and a half!!!

First set of roadworks; not too bad but then a second and third set only about 200 meters apart so there was total grid lock as the traffic on both sides couldn't move.

Then stuck behind an idiot doing 30 in a 50 and we couldn't get past him for ages grrrr.

Got to R 15 minutes late and as we'd both forgotten our 'phones we couldn't call to say we were on our way but she knows we have further to travel, and I'd have let her know if we couldn't make it.

On our way back from lunch to get Poppy, there was a van parked up on a footpath who decided to pull onto the road just as we were passing him. I put my hands over my face and thanks to what Mr. S. calls his 'cat like reflexes', which makes me laugh as bless him he's 73 in November, we got past safely.

R did as requested and gave Poppy a closer cut and she looks beautiful and will hopefully be able to be a bit cooler if it gets hot again.

I'm not nearly as addicted to Wimbledon as I used to be because most of the players I loved to watch over the years, no longer play but I will be glued to the tv when Serena makes her come back on Centre Court and just hope she doesn't go out in the first round.

Morning everyone.

Good news that your DD hasn't broken anything Yogin but I'm sorry that her feet are still sore; pass these on from me.

When we were moving here, we did get rid of quite a few LP's but I'm so glad that we kept the ones we did. When we moved originally, we treated ourselves to a music system with a turn table and CD player as a house warming pressie and I kept a small sideboard to bring here, so we had somewhere to put the sound system and store our CD's and records.

I 'up cycled' it when we moved here by painting it blue. It looks great but was one of those jobs that you wish you'd never started but was definitely worth it.

Sounds like you had a fabulous day at Ascot; a day to remember .

There was a second hand music shop where we were living before Allsorts and we got a few £'s for the LP's we didn't want to keep and bought a couple that we spotted before we left.

The Palestinian embroidery sounds interesting Whiff and what a compliment to be asked to teach others how to cross stitch. I hope your friend is recovering. My electric bike is one that folds so is quite light, but Mr. S.'s weighs a ton and I struggle to move it!!!

We're also going away on the 6th, back to Alnwick for 4 nights where we went last year but I'm a bit worried about Poppy settling there without Pip when we want to go out for a few hours to do things she can't join in with.

If it's an issue we'll cut it short. She's still up and down and there was just something about her Sunday morning, more clingy than usual and literally following me every where so I decided to stay with her rather than going to church.

Must get ready to go out now as she's being groomed today and I'll ask R to keep her head, face and tail the same length but shorter on her body as I think it's set to get hotter again next week.

Have a good day everyone xx

Morning all, thank goodness it's cooler today.

Thanks for asking Whiff DD's feet are much better, Xray came back; no broken bones' she is having another week off work as cannot do her job with sore feet. Hope you enjoy your concert on Friday and wish your friend better.

Thank you Allsorts I have a case of LP...somewhere. So many things I don't know where they are stored since I moved .

Yoga, glad your daughters feet are now on the mend, thank goodness for NHS. Your Pink Floyd concert sounds good. Don'
I gave about 100 different LP's away, one of them Hole In The Wall and I do miss them, I was trying to downsize.
Whiff glad it wasn't last week you were on your travels in all that heat. I was knocked off my feet by it. You will enjoy your walk on the beach tomorrow with your daughter. Also your concert on Fruday, your life is certainly full.

Yogin glad you enjoyed the concert . Pink Floyd was one of our favourite bands. Until I moved had all the albums but sent them to charity shop. We had a lot of various artists including some old 78's . But no record dealer would come to the house to look if any where worth anything .

Poor Joey . Notice lot of walks out 5-6am and dogs not normally who had fur cuts had them. Hope people with white dogs remember to put sunscreen on the their ears and and any thin patches of skin. My brother with his 2nd wife had a white terrier who was deaf from a pup had to apply it. They had a German Shepherd to act as hearing dog for the white one.I promise you that's true.

How is your daughter hope the antibiotics are working ?

'Ain't it hot' in the words of nan ( Catherine Tate) while sitting in a woolen cardi . Just like my nan cardi all year round and in the winter a hat on indoors . Hanky under her watch wrist band and man's hanky up the leg of her everyday bloomers. Don't know why I am thinking of my nan this morning. She had everyday bloomers and going out ones closer fit with lace round the leg holes. Didn't have a hanky up those.

Go to visit my brother and sister in law on the 6th. Staying in Travellodge they don't have AC so asked for a fan in my room. Don't have meals at the hotel as they feed me.

Then Lewes in August and Dundee in September. Both staying in Primier Inn's .

My friend who had the accident on her bike weeks ago says she is still coming on Friday lunchtime with me to see the Harmony orchestra which is the youth orchestra at the Phil. Good job we are in a box as she still hasn't healed and in pain. But having a 20kg electric bike fall on your leg would . She fell down some stone steps late last year ,of course it would be the same leg.

Was out tending my tomatoes in the greenhouse at 7 yesterday morning before the heat got worse hit 33° yesterday . Going to hot this week and next week in Lincolnshire 🥵 .

Last choir for me this week until September as they finish on the 8th July. But will practice the 4 songs everyday like I have been doing since I started . Makes my pedalling easier but yesterday ended up doing 1,000 rotations no wonder I fell asleep after my breakfast.

My daughters birthday day today seeing her tomorrow for an early morning walk on the beach.

Keep cool everyone 😎 .

Morning all

Hot,hot,hot again. Poor Joey hasn't had his walkies, I really needed to shower & so hot once I was out.

Went to a 'Pink Floyd concert in Chelmsford yesterday, it was great. We decided to get a bus there, first time for me since getting my pass. Waited just 5mins, but bus stopped just round the corner as traffic light malfunction up ahead, waited 20mins, melting without aircon, and finally left, once on the rd it was fast as a special service bus. Whilst waiting my friend said, 'let's have our drink to cool off', I said 'we can't do that, their alcohol' [the little G&T cans] She opened them and put one in my hand...lovely , we then started on our nibbles .

Coming back we had to wait 35mins, so not sure the bus was such a good idea. .

Yogin hope your daughter is feeling bit better today. 32° in my living room curtains shut and fan on. Left my bedroom curtains shut yesterday and am today.

Went to learn Palestinian embroidery turned out to be cross stitch but was interesting to learn what the different patterns meant and how each area has different pattern for the same meaning. I ended up teaching others to cross stitch . Felt flattered they asked me. Only 2 Wombles they avoided me . Spoke to the vicar abd asked why had she been dragged into this. She said some of the Wombles not the admin lot . But others who attend the church asked if I was ok as they missed me. The vicar hadn't been given the facts of what happened she knows now . Said she was sorry but I pointed out I left 14th May its the leader and admin team who can't let it go. I am just angry they treatment me this way. She said you help people. But she will tell people I am fine but left the Wombles. Some have my number if they want to know why then they can get in touch if they want to. Hopefully this is the end of it.

Hope you are taking care in this heat 🥵

Morning all

Whiff thanks for asking about my DD. Her feet are better today, on antibiotics, had an Xray this morning, results in 2 days. My DD same age as yours! and yes, you still worry even with them in their 40s.

Out early, early again, really alters the day. Got some washing in and get on the line soon, be dry in an hour I think.

Take care, stay cool all.

Yogin hope your daughter is feeling bit better .If its an infection then she will need antibiotics. Hopefully they rule out cellulitis. Had that twice very painful and first time I didn't realise it was dangerous until it spread round my leg ..At least the second time I knew what it was and got the antibiotics quickly.
Had a mysterious infection early this year back of my leg so had antibiotics to clear it up. Mind you it was fun trying to photo the back of my leg mainly took pictures of my bum. I wanted to know if it was spreading .

No matter how old our children get we never stop worrying about them . And its worse if they have an accident or illness . They are still our babies. My daughter will be 43 on Sunday . We are going for a walk on the beach early Monday morning. Will take a bag incase we find any sea glass.

You must have looked beautiful and glad we had a good day and singing with celebs what an ending to the day.