Resources for advice on giving up

Hi. My journey to being completely estranged has been over a decade long. My son let us know last year that this is final and will not change. I will not be able to see him and his wife and children again. My husband is still welcome but I am not. I have had three periods of counselling over the years but they were focused on working towards reconciliation, learning about estrangement, and coping with profound grief and distress. I now have to learn how to rebuild myself and my life and marriage, and how to give up hope. I’ve made some progress but still get flashbacks and can’t seem to stop hoping and wishing. Reading about other people’s experiences helped me initially but now causes me more pain. Reading other forums such as Mumsnet has been damaging and upsetting. I am on the very long waiting list for specialist counselling now but would like to find some self help in the meantime, aimed at giving up hope and rebuilding my life. Any suggestions? Actually as well as asking for suggestions, posting here feels like another baby step towards learning how to give up hope. I don’t think we as parents are programmed to let go of hope and stop thinking about our children and loving them even when we know we must respect their decision to cut us off. Thank you 🍀