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Everyday Ageism

every day ageism

(18 Posts)
madeleine45 Sat 17-Apr-21 13:29:15

ageism is insulting and is also poor business practise . we are all individuals and have our good and bad points . Lumping us all as the elderly or being seen as a group of similar people just because of our age is ridiculous. It is often combined with sexism too,I am a widow and live alone, but when my husband was alive we went to look at a new vehicle. I asked the salesman a question and he looked directly at my husband and spoke to him. He did the same thing on a second question and so I said to my husband come on we will go elsewhere. The man said "I didnt think you would be interested in the engine" to me and when I told him that I was driving 3 days a week long distances doing hospital car work, was the main driver of the car and would therefore be making more of the decision on the car , he suddenly wanted to start talking to me. I told him that we would not be buying from him now or at any time in the future and that I would pass on to my friends of similar age exactly how he had behaved. I have not been back there since. It is perfectly acceptable to ask if someone needs help. I have a bad back and there are times when I would be happy to accept some help but to be asked politely and not talked down to. I have travelled all over the world under my own steam and I will never accept being spoken to as an idiot. The best role model to watch is Stephanie Cole in waiting for god. I think she copied some of my ideas! I wont be called dear by some one in a shop or whatever and intend to do things my way, so long as i dont hurt anyone else. whether you like or dislike me is of no consequence. I just expect the same civility as anyone else of whatever age.

EllanVannin Sat 17-Apr-21 13:56:26

I think my friend was worse. On one of our many coach trips and on getting back on the coach after a lunch stop, a gentleman held her elbow to help her up the steps of the coach-----he shouldn't have done that grin as although in her 80's at the time, she was probably fitter than he was. I never heard the last of it.
She had turned 98 when she sadly died. I miss her so but learned a lot from her.

Redhead56 Sat 17-Apr-21 14:10:10

When I learnt to drive I went to college to do a car maintenance course. I thought it would be useful to learn the basics. As it happened I could only afford bangers so often had problems. I could sort out some but not all of them. I would walk into a garage work shop to ask advice. I would first of all tell the mechanic I had tried this that and the other. To eliminate what could be wrong I was often met with a frowning mechanic. I don’t think they appreciated me being quite knowledgeable about the car engine. I thought it was sexist I was only young but very capable of brushing off any chauvinistic remarks.
I agree about waiting for god and keeping up with appearances were my favourite series.

Redhead56 Sat 17-Apr-21 14:44:55

I forgot to mention the fact that most of the mechanics were probably a lot older than me. I considered at the time they had problems with me because I was young and female.

Tea3 Sat 17-Apr-21 14:58:41

Once upon a lifetime I knew a lot about the workings of a car engine plus how to change a wheel. My Father and various early boyfriends thought it important. At 23 I joined the AA and can thankfully say I’ve not given life under a bonnet a thought since. I would have thought that these days there are few men who could fix a modern car anyway.

keepingquiet Sat 17-Apr-21 16:10:35

When I bought my present car about four years ago my partner came with me but it was clear I was buying the car and therefore he had very little to do. We did discuss the options together afterwards but it was always my decision.
When we went to collect the car my partner made some really silly remarks to the salesman, as if he had to say something. I felt really embarrassed when after the sale was complete my partner insisted on taking the showroom mug with him! As if he needed a trophy!
Looking back I think this is when the relationship was beginning to fall apart. We split a couple of years later. I wonder if he still has that mug!

AGAA4 Sat 17-Apr-21 16:24:59

None of us like to be patronised just because we are female and older. Assumptions made about our abilities is very annoying. Most of the people I know around my age are very capable and can manage to buy a car or in my case a house on their own.

nanna8 Sat 24-Apr-21 12:34:24

We had to get some hospital services organised for one of my children. I tried and tried but nothing beyond platitudes so I persuaded my husband to ring them. Instant success! I was absolutely mortified. Sexism and ageism is alive and well, sadly.

Fernbergien Sat 24-Apr-21 12:45:25

Ageism and sexism. Well ref the last two cars bought I negotiated and got big discounts. My husband tried negotiating once and antagonised the salesman and got nowhere so now leaves it to me!!

Charleygirl5 Sat 24-Apr-21 14:02:11

When I first moved to this house many years ago I needed double glazed windows. The salesman asked me if I had discussed it with my husband. I was recently divorced, he was living in Spain but I said, no, it would be a tad difficult as he was 6 feet under. That shut him up.

Puzzled Tue 18-May-21 17:42:17

Many byears ago, our neighbours car came back from a service not set to the manufacturer's settings, so twice I corrceted it.
Then third time, we told his wife exactly what to say, and she drove into the main dealer workshop and asked for the Service Manager, She told him exactly what had been done incorrectly, what was needed to put it right and how long it would take while she waited.
Apparently, the clang as everyone's jaw hit the floor was deafening!
But they put things right! Needless to say the last time that they serviced the car.

H1954 Tue 18-May-21 17:51:44

Some years ago I wanted to upgrade my car. I went to a Ford main dealer in town where I knew I could look at the particular model that I wanted. There was the perfect car in the showroom and I asked if I could arrange a test drive. I knew it would take a while to get it out and told them I was in no rush. The salesman refused to arrange the test drive unless I guaranteed to buy the car. Despite it being the one I wanted I had no intention of being put under such pressure and took myself off to another dealership.

Eternaloptimist Mon 24-May-21 23:42:53

When we were thinking of changing our car, my husband and I decided to do the rounds of the car showrooms on our local industrial estate. We decided to try the Volvo showroom first as that was top of our list. The salesman came over and asked if we’d had a Volvo before. When we said ‘no’ he turned round and walked away and we never saw him again. We were cash buyers of a new car. His loss! We just walked out snd went elsewhere.

mokryna Tue 25-May-21 00:16:20

When I was looking to buy my present car, I went to several garages to test drive. Three different showrooms Renault, Peugeot and Seat wanted me to buy a less powerful cars than I wanted. They wouldn’t listen to me. I am very happy driving to the UK with my VW.

Grannycool52 Tue 25-May-21 08:21:35

When I went to buy my first brand new car, the salesman in one dealership said I was a very lucky girl and must have a rich daddy! - Sexism AND Ageism. I was 25, a post-grad student and had worked and saved hard for the car, for which I was paying cash, & told him so!

Grannycool52 Tue 25-May-21 08:24:01

Nowadays, I find I am sometimes spoken to as though I am an idiot because I am retirement age and don't hear very well.

Sara1954 Tue 25-May-21 08:36:26

We recently replaced some windows, when I contacted one company, they would only come out if my husband was there.
Well, did they think I was a complete idiot, or maybe they thought their rep wouldn’t be safe alone with me?
The fact being, it was my decision to change some windows, and my decision which ones we chose, and I would be writing the cheque didn’t seem to occur to them.
Also, it does raise the question, if you don’t have a husband, can you not buy windows?

M0nica Tue 25-May-21 08:41:56

Like Redhead56 I did a car maintenance after I passed my test, as I have always run elderly cars. In the early days I owned couple of SAABs with two stroke engines and regularly caused consternation at petrol stations when I poured a can of oil into the petrol tank before adding precisely 4 gallons of petrol.

We have been fortunate, whenever we move we immediately look for a good reliable back street garage - and we have always found one - we have always found that, while some of these garages are cowboys, a good back street garage, is far more reliable than a main dealer, who generally has an absolute contempt for anyone with a car more than 5 years old - regardless of the sex or age of the owner.