Patronising references to being elderly

I am 78 , still live alone, drive , swim and do all the things that others do, making only the minimum adjustments for age and health. I do find the mirrors round here very poor as they seem to show someone hobbling about with white hair and I know I am about 26 with long copper hair and am rushing about, but I just ignore them and carry on. I can see it could be annoying but I am involved in lots of various campaigns from keeping the ticket office at the railway station open and hassling the local council about the uneven pavements, and potholes etc. Find these things more worth my energy , and hardly notice anyone "blessing " or "dearing" me. Plan to keep being a campaigner as long as I have breath and can get to meetings.

Totally agree with you. Im 68 and like you don't look anywhere near my age and not 1 wrinkle,good genes! Had to get antibiotics and nurse practioner,around my daughter's age, said 'given your age, we better err on caution!' I would have said something but had lost my voice..and she only knew my age as my dob obviously on my notes! Could have punched her! It's also the patronising attitude...grr

I wonder what people are calling their real loved ones when the throw all these endearments about to anyone. "An endearment is a loving or affectionate word or phrase that you say to someone you love"

i don't mind as long as they don't mind it back, dad's neighbour in england shouted morning darling, my reply great day sweatheart. being from glasgow one that i hate is hen, a few junior doctors said this and i said my name is above the bed or on my notes, people that say oh you poor wee thing get the usual, i was just thinking that about you too. i get more bothered about people not saying my first name properly, it is easy when they are reading it from a note or form in front of them.

I must confess I loathe awww bless. People used to say it when I was telling them about my Mum in her later years. It conjures some vision of the stereotypical white haired, sweet and gentle old lady. Mum was none of those things - apart from old - she was sharp as a tack, feisty and fiercely independent to the end. She was outraged if anyone said awww bless about her and thought it was patronising. I dont mind all the other terms - duck, darling, sweetheart, love etc because I recognise in some parts of the country they are used to everyone.

You must all get sick of me saying I am 89! I am so amazed i have lived to this age it has become something i cannot stop thinking about. I keep hoping i will get to 90 and I will be over the moon. I am still very curious about so many things and am in charge of all things technical in the house here. I read lots of newspapers, am active on X and on FB ( trying to save dogs under thread of euthanising) and I shout at Politivians on the TV. I do not like to be patronised but most people are kind and I love being taken for someone who is much younger than 89.

There I’ve said it again.

Why do none of you take these things up with the people who say them?

None of us? I'm sure that many people do just that . Others may not because they are introverted or can't be bothered. Again, it is the lumping people together which is irritating. We are all different and deal with things in different ways.

Why do none of you take these things up with the people who say them?

If you feel they are being patronising or rude, tell them so.

Probably they did not mean it as you seem to think, but whether they did or not is beside the point.

You were offended, so say so! Otherwise they will just continue to do and say these things.

Some people say 'Aww bless' to everyone. I don't take much notice. I'm skipping about, doing an almost full time job, coping with household etc. I'm nearly 73 but science is now proving that we do not all age at the same rate and I am what I am. The only time I got a bit irritated was when a friend in her 50's wondered if I was okay with two flights of stairs, when I was getting up them quicker than her - and without the handrail. But maybe it was her that was struggling - it's always as well to try not to assume!!

My late partner called everyone darling, sweetie and dear much to my annoyance as he called me the same, it never felt special to me when everyone had the same pet name, yet it was automatic and did not mean anything to him, he was amazed when I mentioned it. He used to be in charge of 90 women and not one ever took offence he said. He also touched peoples arms and backs when speaking to them, I told him so many times not to touch people as he could get in to trouble, but he could not stop himself, just repeated I have done it all my life, I can't stop now. My best girl friend holds your hand all the time she is talking to you, I hate it others love it, she cuddles you constantly and kisses you when she comes and goes, again I dislike it, but that is her, I told her during Covid that I would never let her kiss me again, she still does it, you can't change peoples habits, they are just being friendly and they have different habits and opinions to what I have.

It's not what is said (terms of endearment etc) but the way it is meant which can be offensive, though of course what is offensive to one person may be acceptable to another.
This discussion has arisen through the feeling of patronising or ageism from younger people towards older people, but aren't many of us guilty of similar towards younger people? Of using terms or forming judgement based on their youth compared to our own age? I am guilty of this, in that having finally bit the bullet and accepted I need to get dental treatment and get to grips with my fears and phobia of dentists. I was somewhat concerned to find that the dentist I had been assigned is young enough to be a grandson, recently qualified and I was expecting a patronising attitude from some whippersnapper of a whizz-kid! How wrong I was - he has been very supportive of my fears and issues, not a patronising or condemning word has been said, and his up to date knowledge, imparted with factual patience to me, is going a long way to helping me face up to the treatment I'm about to undergo.

One of the girls in my hairdressers says “aw Bless” to almost everyone who look elderly and I make a point to saying it to her at every opportunity I get lol! As long as people are friendly and polite, that’s all that I really care about!

It happened recently- on phone and i had explained how some such had not made it very clear- (but it did not either to younger members of my family!) and the young lady on phone said "aw bless" as though i'd not understood because im 60 and have a mobility issue- thats the only time its annoyed me really as that was'nt the reason the letter made no sense.

*Helpful😂

It seems to be what the young 'uns are saying nowadays to everyone.I dont worry about it too much.Just use it back to them if theyre helpful.They also (even older than younger ones) like being told "oh thank you, youre a star"! (or an angel) for being particularly helful in some way.

I really dislike the word "elderly." At 78, I think I am certainly "old," even thoughg I don't think of myself that way.

Theexwife

^Maybe not, and I can't say I have been spoken to like that either, although I'm a lot younger than you, but it happens often on here, which is particularly annoying, as it is a site for older women.^

It is a site for people over 50, nowhere does it say that it is just for older women.

My mistake. It is a site for anyone who wants to use it, but is primarily aimed at older women. Assuming that you consider 'over 50' as older, and that you assume 'grans' to be female, that is. Of course not all users are 'grans' (I'm not), and not all 'grans' are over 50, which is, of course, not necessarily the case.

You are correct when you say that nowhere does 'it' say that the site is just for anyone at all - in fact 'it' is at pains to be inclusive - but as the topic is people stereotyping and making assumptions about older people, then the fact that the target demographic (as evidenced by adverts and the introduction to the site written by the GN staff)* is the over 50s is surely relevant?

* Gransnet is the busiest social networking site for the over 50s. Launched in May 2011, the site has been described by the Telegraph as "a new dawn in grey power".

I had occasion to see a GP and was given an appointment with one I hadn't seen for some time. He stated Mrs??? at the beginning then I went on to explain issue. He was looking at me a bit puzzled, I was beginning to think I wasn't making sense when he asked me my date of birth. Gave him info and he commented he had to check as he thought I was much younger. He didn't ask which moisturiser I used

Ageism. Just shortsighted and very annoying. Dear is particularly patronising so perhaps the recipient can reply with the same term and watch the reaction.

Nobody has ever said this to me. I think it's just one of those phrases that have caught on with people nowadays and not meant to be patronising or to particularly refer to someone's age. The phrase might make me cringe a bit but wouldn't bother me. Like others have said, not really worth getting worked up about.

Maybe not, and I can't say I have been spoken to like that either, although I'm a lot younger than you, but it happens often on here, which is particularly annoying, as it is a site for older women.

It is a site for people over 50, nowhere does it say that it is just for older women.

I’m a wheelchair user , l
Often get patronised it drives me mad when people stop and ask my DH how I am .
I always say excuse me I’ve lost the use of my legs not my faculties.
There’s a lady in our village who always stops looks down at me and says a long drawn out Hello .
The trouble is the lady must be in her late eighties and I’m only 47

When they say something like Awwww, or Bless You - say it back at them.

Doodledog

GrannyGrunter

To be honest, I am 81 years of age and have never, ever been spoken to in that way.

Maybe not, and I can't say I have been spoken to like that either, although I'm a lot younger than you, but it happens often on here, which is particularly annoying, as it is a site for older women.

Where and when do you see this happening Doodledog? How do we know "it happens often"? Occasionally in life I see offence given, occasionally I see offence taken where it was not intended. Hasn't this always been a problem including, but not exclusively, an untergenerational one?

GrannyGrunter

To be honest, I am 81 years of age and have never, ever been spoken to in that way.

Maybe not, and I can't say I have been spoken to like that either, although I'm a lot younger than you, but it happens often on here, which is particularly annoying, as it is a site for older women.