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Everyday Ageism

Just got congratulated for being able to use my debit card!

(89 Posts)
Dontcallmelove Mon 22-Dec-25 09:42:34

I’m 63 and decided to embrace my grey. Since then I’ve found that men in particular are patronising. I listen to the mansplaining and then ask them if they felt the need to do that to reinforce it in their own heads. One friend’s husband spent ages explaining to me how data can be stolen when using an open network. Not sure it needed explaining, I taught IT in a college and my specialism was cyber security, and he knows that!

Lathyrus3 Mon 22-Dec-25 09:32:20

80 is old.

Sorry if that upsets anyone, but it is😬

yogitree Mon 22-Dec-25 09:27:56

BlueBelle

I m afraid I wouldn’t have smiled quietly
Patronising git

I agree Bluebelle. I'd have to walk away and restrain myself.

Grantanow Mon 22-Dec-25 09:19:52

But there are fumblers, alas more of the old than young. Sometimes when in the queue behind someone of my own age taking a long time to find her card, etc,, I have to remind myself inwardly : "understanding, tolerance, smile." No doubt I'll be fumbling one day, hopefully not soon.

Aldom Mon 22-Dec-25 09:19:15

Helterskelter1 it's probably not an age thing when vehicles stop to let you cross the road. The Highway Code rules regarding pedestrians crossing the road changed in 2022. In certain circumstances, junctions for instance, drivers are required by law to stop for pedestrians. In others drivers are advised to stop to allow pedestrians to cross.
I've noticed more drivers stopping for me, but I think it's because the rules have changed in my favour when on foot. smile
Huia the assistant on the till hopefully thought she was paying you a compliment. What younger people don't realise is that many people in their 70's and 80's worked with computers etc. in their younger years and have kept up with technology since retirement. smile

Doodledog Mon 22-Dec-25 08:52:36

It’s probably one of those situations where shock takes away the right response until five minutes too late, but it would be good to smile brightly, and say ā€˜Thank you dear. And most younger (or middle aged if appropriate) people have good manners. It’s good to be different, isn’t it?’

HelterSkelter1 Mon 22-Dec-25 07:50:40

I am 76 and the for last few months I have noticed more cars stopping to let me cross the road. I do pull a shopping trolley. A smart one. Black and white stripes. My hair is grey, but a fairly decent bob cut. I walk quickly.
Is it the trolley? Would they stop if I were pulling a suitcase and off on holiday. Is the Grim Reaper walking behind me?

I am not complaining as it means I can get across the road. But am quite prepared to wait for a space.
A friend of 82 said to me yesterday that this is the first year she has felt old. Is it the weather or state of the counry/world?

The debit card malarkey would have had me growling. I may even have said "glad to see you can use a till"- but probably not.

Cabbie21 Mon 22-Dec-25 07:20:23

Yesterday I popped into Aldi for a few things. I used the self service till, but as often happens, I needed help twice- not my fault either time: one item had no bar code, another was rejected as overweight. Somehow I failed to finish and pay! I walked out with a bag in each hand. The same assistant came running after me. Not cross, not trying to arrest me, thankfully.
He just said ā€œ I’m afraid your shopping didn’t go throughā€. So I went back to the machine and paid by debit card, as I normally do.
I daren’t tell my daughter as she will think I am getting dementia. I’m not. Just got distracted.
I am just relieved that the assistant dealt with the situation the way he did!

BlueBelle Mon 22-Dec-25 06:18:59

I m afraid I wouldn’t have smiled quietly
Patronising git

Grammaretto Mon 22-Dec-25 06:01:07

Ouch! How very patronising.

Yesterday, in Lidl, I was struggling to lift my heavy rucksack onto my back in preparation for walking home in the rain, I apologised for holding up the queue at the only non self-service checkout. I had a full bags in each hand too and muttered about not having a car.
The young man said "it's good exercise".
Maybe I should have been flattered but I said "is it? wait until you're nearly 80".

I volunteer at a till once a week and serve all ages. Most people pay with cards but if they use cash, the machine calculates the change. I then have to find the right coins. It's a sad fact that the young volunteers cannot add change quickly.

Dorrain Mon 22-Dec-25 05:36:13

How patronising!

I would have tried to look wise and calm, nodding my head and saying "Yes, your turn will come."

grandMattie Mon 22-Dec-25 05:14:36

I’d thank her profusely and inwardly fume. Or make a comment like I had joined the 21st century despite appearances…

CabbageWars13 Mon 22-Dec-25 04:36:08

Maybe you should be grateful she didn't pat you on the head and gush "good girl!"

(She didn't pat you on the head, did she?)

Huia Mon 22-Dec-25 02:04:21

I’m not dementing and as far as I know I look and sound quite normal. I’m sure my middle aged daughters would let me know if I didn’t !
The supermarket checkout woman congratulated me on being able to use my card! ā€œMost old people fumble, so good for youā€. 😳
I said ā€œI’m not oldā€ . Shocks me that we are perceived as so feeble -I’m 80 next month . I manage the club web site -bet she couldn’t do that!