Just got congratulated for being able to use my debit card!

We get a new app on the phone every week these days, my latest came with the new car that talks to the phone. I just handed the phone over to the salesman to set up, it took him 4 tries.

To someone in their 20’s, 80 must seem ancient, I don't think they mean to be patronising.

Mamie

I always pay with my Apple Watch and it is not unusual for people on the checkout to say they have never dared to try it.
No need to get a card or phone out and I always have my wrist to hand. 😂
In France everyone used to say "c'est très moderne".

I have a friend who often stops when we’re out somewhere and mutters into her wrist like a CIA agent.😁

I’m nothing like your age Monica but at lunch out in a pub yesterday the teenage waitress brought me a glass of water saying ‘here you are Lovely’ that wouldn’t have happened years ago am sure.Of course to her I was ancient 😂

I am a month short of 83 and it is only in the past year, since we moved, that I have found myself regularly being treated like an old lady - which I am - . I find it faintly disconcerting.

I always pay with my Apple Watch and it is not unusual for people on the checkout to say they have never dared to try it.
No need to get a card or phone out and I always have my wrist to hand. 😂
In France everyone used to say "c'est très moderne".

fancyflowers

I am yet a spring chicken at 72, but I have some mobility issues and I find that when I walk with my stick, drivers often stop and wave me across the road.

If I see anyone with a stick, frame, pushchair, toddlers, I always stop for them if I safely can, regardless of age. Just consideration. Appreciate if people do the same for me.

I think it is possible to be too sensitive and to ascribe ageism when kindness was intended. When I had my replacement shoulder op and was in a sling, I was carrying home some heavy shopping, one driver stopped to ask if I needed a lift and another young man carried it for me for the ten minute walk. I was struggling on that occasion, I’m 71, but was very grateful to both people for their kindness.

keepingquiet

What is wrong with accepting help when needed?
I love it when people show their caring side and watch out for me.
Following hand surgery I struggle with opening carrier bags. At the till the other day the check-out assistant asked if I would like her to pack the bag.
I said yes please, and she did.
I didn't feel patronised because I was 'old,' I thanker her for her consideration to me as a person.

I agree. I rarely need help, but I expect polite behaviour.

Witzend

CabbageWars13

Maybe you should be grateful she didn't pat you on the head and gush "good girl!"

(She didn't pat you on the head, did she?)

Not to mention, ‘Aw, bless!’

I wonder, has anyone ever been fined/prosecuted for thumping a person guilty of such patronising remarks?

That made me laugh. Ha Ha!

What is wrong with accepting help when needed?
I love it when people show their caring side and watch out for me.
Following hand surgery I struggle with opening carrier bags. At the till the other day the check-out assistant asked if I would like her to pack the bag.
I said yes please, and she did.
I didn't feel patronised because I was 'old,' I thanker her for her consideration to me as a person.

Huia

I’m not dementing and as far as I know I look and sound quite normal. I’m sure my middle aged daughters would let me know if I didn’t !
The supermarket checkout woman congratulated me on being able to use my card! “Most old people fumble, so good for you”. 😳
I said “I’m not old” . Shocks me that we are perceived as so feeble -I’m 80 next month . I manage the club web site -bet she couldn’t do that!

I'd have been tempted to give her the death stare and a few choice words!

How rude!

What a cow!

Most comments pass me by. If really patronising I might react with my Paddington hard stare, more usually I smile and add thanks when appropriate,

What did trigger a reaction was a car salesman assuring me I didn’t need a particular item in a car that I had specified as essential. He had been generally very patronising. At one point wondering how long we’d be driving for. I snapped and pointed out I’d been driving longer than he had been alive and was perfectly aware of what I both wanted and needed in a car. Mr C rapidly decided we’d be best go elsewhere! Perhaps I should have remonstrated with myself afterwards - I didn’t.

Negotiating the mayhem of Stansted airport for the first time, I hesitated momentarily to ascertain where I should be going. A young staff member approached me immediately and kindly guided me through fast track to security. I sailed regally by the grumpy youngsters in their queue and was through in no time. The sweet gal apologised saying that she hoped I wasn't offended. Offended!? I was chuffed!
My dear late Dad started announcing his pensioner status immediately on reaching 65...just to capitalise on the perks. He then also got compliments when people said he didn't look his age! It's a win win.

Oh dear! I have to say that some of these comments have made me laugh! People think they're trying to help, but yes it can easily come across as patronising, or make you feel that they think you're decrepit or lacking in the little grey cells. I think I would have been tempted to snap something back, like I've been using one for years and using computers for decades, but then afterwards I would probably have been cross with myself and thought, well they were only trying to help.

Me either BlueBelle

Old is not a four letter word. I'm 76 and have been treated like I'm demented. At a community senior lunch, this gal who was probably 40 started treating the rest of us like we were stupid. I told her, we've known the stuff she was telling us for a long time and we were not stupid. I wanted to kick her in the whatchit, but I refrained.

ReadyMeals

I think I might have complained formally. That's not just thoughtless it's actually rude and I am sure her employers wouldn't expect those sort of personal comments to customers

Let’s hope the new guidelines come in soon which will state that there will be no law against offending someone.
Whether we like it or not those of us of an older age look old.

Ah, ageism. One of the remaining frontiers.

I am 80years old and have recently updated to an iPhone 13.
So now I pay with my phone.
So much easier than faffing around with a card.
With debit cards they quite often fail to register, so then you have to put your code in.

Try it.

An example of the folly of youth.
She will be be old one day!

Reminds me of the first time I ever sent a text. My DD replied with "You texted - I'm so proud of you!" It was quite a big step at the time and I hasten to add was about 20 years ago. However I'd be really insulted if someone said that to me in a shop now!

I think we should make allowances for people who are younger than we are and are just trying to be nice to us.

I've never worked on any busy supermarket tills so I'd have to take the assistant's word for it that many old(er) people do fumble with their cards.
She was acknowledging that you weren't one of them, that's all. Trying to show you her appreciation too perhaps?

When I was 75 , leaving a crowded shopping centre eatery, a young man with a crowd of his friends told them to "watch out. Let this old lady through" - me!
I have never forgotten reacting like that and regret it to this day - but I whipped round and said "Who are you calling old?"
From his point of view I was of course. What a horrible impression of old ( to him ) people I gave him. I wish I could apologise.
Today I'm 87, and would thank him kindly for sure.