Patronising comments about mature love

PetitFromage

Dickens - that’s exactly what I meant but you said it so much more eloquently!

Well, gee, thanks! But it took me ages to think how to explain the very simple principle of 'there's a time and a place'.

AI could've deciphered my jumbled thoughts far better, but I know if I go down that route, my ageing-brain will just sit back and take it easy...

But, seriously - there are some very nice people around who would never intentionally offend anyone, and I wouldn't ever want to offend them by being too precious. However, those Silly Billies in Richmond Park angered me because - and of course, they didn't know this - that long-ago picnic was a pivotal point in the relationship between Mr Dickens and me, both of us having come out of abusive previous relationships, it was the first time we were able to relax with each other, so it was a very private moment.

Dickens - that’s exactly what I meant but you said it so much more eloquently!

To clarify.

I think there are times when interacting with complete strangers is acceptable.

If, for example, a couple (or family or group of people) are walking along smiling at people who pass - watching the world go by - then they are already engaging with the outside world, so it wouldn't be inappropriate to say something.

But if said couple/family or group are clearly involved in some private moment, perhaps deep in conversation or just existing in their own private world, then inserting yourself into their space is unacceptable.

PetitFromage

Whereas the intention may be well intended, I believe it's rude for strangers to feel entitled to comment but I appear to be in the minority here.

That was my initial reaction too. Even if well intentioned, why do complete strangers appear to feel compelled to comment at all?

My late partner and I were enjoying a picnic in Richmond Park. We'd just recently met up for the first time - we were then in our early 50s. It was a lovely afternoon, one of those halcyon days... warm with a gentle breeze. Clearing up the plates and debris spread across the blanket and putting it all back into the picnic basket, we paused for a moment, sat shoulder to shoulder with arms round each other.

A noisy group of young 20-something people recently positioned a short distance away kept turning to look at us. "We-know-what-you're-doing" someone said in a sing-song voice and they all laughed.

We ignored them, of course. But I remember feeling a flash of anger... it had been such a perfect day and their behaviour felt intrusive. Why couldn't they just simply mind their own damned business?

OH - as he became - a placid and philosophical man, told me to not give them a second thought because these "Silly Billies" as he called them, are everywhere in life and should simply be ignored - as they hadn't yet fully matured...

Sorry, I meant 'mildly' annoyed not 'madly annoyed'! 😂

I am not upset just madly annoyed because I do think it's patronising, which doesn't mean that I am not grateful for the relationship, not at all. That is why I posted under the Everyday Ageism forum.

It's all part of society's prejudices and expectations of older people, such as being unable to use technology, fiddle with their credit cards, beyond the age of wanting or indulging in love, sex, passion etc. Whereas the intention may be well intended, I believe it's rude for strangers to feel entitled to comment but I appear to be in the minority here.

However, I am very pleased that I posted as I have been alerted to the books by Hilary Boyd. I have almost finished Thursdays in the Park, which I am really enjoying, and am trying to decide which one to order next.

It doesn’t sound like those comments were meant to be patronising at all. With so much negativity around us these days, it’s actually lovely to see people respond with kindness and affection. Their words seem genuinely congratulatory, as if they’re simply happy to see love in someone’s life and hoping they find the same for themselves.

Completely agree with you.

I meant your life!

I was naive when I married aged twenty six after courting five years. That was a disaster, I had my two children that made up for it.
I remarried at forty I was mature enough then to know it was the real thing.
You life live it don't concern yourself with other people's opinions.

My mum asked if I was having mid life crisis when I finally fell properly in love in my late forties.

I think people are happy to see “older love”. It gives them hope that one day they might find the love of their life. I didn’t get married (fall deeply in love) until I was 59. My friends, family and strangers were delighted for us / me. I have never felt patronised. The image is that older people do not experience intense love. So I would say revel in it and the admiration of others xxx

Thanks MissA - can’t wait 😂

Well, you never know, CrazyH

Some old bloke might give you the glad eye, and you'll fall - hook, line, and sinker.

Lucky are those who can find true love, at whatever age.
My friend once told me, ‘H, you are lucky in most things , but you are definitely not lucky in love ‘ - how right ! And btw, I was married once and divorced. It’s not that I loved and lost many times 😂

I love Hilary Boyd too marg 75.

Ahh, how lovely and sad, all at the same time.

My great aunt married at 82, to a well kept, upright, intelligent man, and within around a year they hated each other, and were considering divorce.

My gran was widowed with young children. She married again in her 40s and lost him 20 years later.

She married George aged 75, the same year as me. They adored each other. So much so that she had a stroke aged 80 and ended up in a geriatric ward. George aged 91, took a bus every day for nearly 5 years to sit with her, and when she died, he followed her 2 days later.

Spoilsport!

Oreo

It isn’t that you have found love again OP it’s the fact you’re holding hands, which many couples still do even at Golden Wedding age.
We sometimes hold hands but have never had any comments, but in any case I would have just laughed if we had done.
Am now tempted to have a public full on snog just to see if anyone reacts😄

No tongues though 😂

Speaking as a 67 woman in love my beloved 72 year old husband, I think you are being oversensitive. It’s not patronising at all. What you describe is young adults struggling to find their ‘one’ saying that seeing you reminds them that there is plenty of time i.e ‘there is hope for me yet’. Stop looking for negatives!

Ignore the young folk comments as they gave no idea how life develops and as for older people, not worth even commenting on. You have found happiness so enjoy.

Agreed. Why would anyone take offence?

Camry1952

I have a widowed sister in her 60's who found love again and is now remarried. They are very affectionate in public but not to the point of being obnoxious. They have had strangers tell them that they are such a cute couple. Recently, strangers noticed their sweet affection in a restaurant and paid for their meal. There will be people who are happy for you so try to ignore the rest.

Who’s not happy for the OP? The comments she mentions are teasing/ affectionate and hopefully having read many of the posts, she’s just counting her blessings.