Guests for dinner. How much attention do you pay to likes and dislikes?

thatbags - if there's a hoof on your plate it will be horse. Or it could be cow, I suppose.

I'm one who panics when people have to be fed. Everyone seems so fussy these days and DH is particularly fussy. I have learned to cope with his fussiness but if others turn up who are fussy in another direction I throw my hands up in horror. I never have a dinner party if I can help it, horrid things. I prefer to meet up with friends and go to a restaurant - let the chef cope with all these fussy people if the menu can't. I once had a friend who sent back a salad for goodness sake. I think she found a spot of red pepper in it.

I posted on page one of this thread that my friend would probably still give DH chicken casserole even though I have dropped heavy hints that he really doesn't like it. We went there last week for lunch and guess what!! His face fell a mile when she produced it at the table. Did he eat it? Of course he did.

Well, got to the next stage now! A young friend and her DH are coming tomorrow with the 2 kids - so she said because of their intolerances, allergies and dislikes - she'd rather do the cooking herself!!!

Now I could get all uppity and upset- but honestly- she is welcome to it- and I'll eat what I am given. But it is funny ...

I love my family but they are not that easy to feed when we're all together.

Four are vegans (very strict vegans -I have just been told that rice crispies are not vegan because they are fortified with vitamin D and some vitamin D comes from sheep)

One has very serious allergies to all dairy products, eggs and sesame (a popular ingredient in vegetarian food)

Two eat fish but not meat.

One of the enthusiastic carnivores likes his meat pratically raw and another likes his burnt to a cinder.

Two of the meat eaters don't like ham.

One of the omnivores is diabetic.

One of the vegans doesn't like aubergines, celery or parsnips.

One of the omnivores won't have cucumber or dessicated coconut.

One of the children doesn't like anything "mixed up" - all the ingredients have to be seperate and recognisable.

Two of our family have recently been diagnosed with celiac disease so have to have gluten-free.

I don't like sago, semolina or tapioca (thanks to school dinners) but since I am the cook these things are never on the menu.

Fortunately I really like cooking. I spent hours last weekend trying to make gluten-free flat breads which turned out more like chipattis but they all got eaten.

Actually Christmas in our house is not too difficult. Most things are vegan (eg roast potatoes cooked in oil etc) but we have smoked salmon and roast turkey. In the turkey is a sausage based stuffing but we also have other vegan stuffings cooked in their own dishes.

It does take a bit of careful planning but shopping is so much easier than it would have been for a family like ours twenty or thirty years ago.

sluttygran I was reminded by your post of the time the elder of my two stepgrandsons brought his girlfriend to visit us. I was taking them to an art exhibition in town and wanted to give them lunch first. I knew she was a bit of a picky eater but he said that roast chicken would be safe. She was very polite but pushed the food around her plate and ate very little. She was fairly uncommunicative most of the afternoon, and we have not found much to say to each other at subsequent meetings since. DH says he doesn't think we are "her type of people", but I think it was just me.

We have lots of people round for meals, many of whom I don't really know so I can't always check in advance if there's anything they can't eat. On those occasions I tend to stick with vegetarian meals with a side salad that can be added to if there's something in the main course that might be a problem. I never plate food, so people can help themselves to what they like from the choice on the table. People who eat here are usually just glad to have a meal in friendly company.

There are very few foods I don't like, but I would always make an effort to eat whatever's put in front of me. Famously we were once served apple and liver for breakfast when staying with friends abroad and I was very proud of my two plucky young sons who ate it without saying a word - except to decline second helpings!

I cannot rememeber when I last gave a dinner party, decades ago. Now, we just have friends round for a meal, usually lunch time, or staying for a day or two.

Not being a vegetarian does not mean consuming meat at every meal, or indeed, every day. It is perfectly possible to provide a meal that can be shared and enjoyed by everybody, while respecting the dietary constraints of those present. We rarely have more than four people around at the same time (unless it is family)

Vegetarian myself as long as I'm not given meat or have my dinner covered in meat gravy (yep had that happen) I'm happy. I've had meals where I've basically just been given potatoes and veg, it's one meal it's fine.

But equally I'm happy (but not very confident) to cook meat, my only concern is as I've been veggie my entire adult life I've no idea if it's cooked properly/tastes ok so I worry about that. Luckily dd happy to be a test subject and is very honest!

I haven't done dinner parties for some time so mostly cooking for daughters friends now and it tends to be last minute and they're just joining in on our dinner.

Occasionally for family members (which include veggies, vegans, Jew and Moslem so can prove...interesting).

But yes I agree people who are just picky/won't try things are annoying. My ex was horrendously fussy glad I'm not dealing with that any more.

I find it's easiest to check beforehand with guests but usually if you know someone well you are aware of allergies or being a vegetarian and general likes and dislikes. For veg, I would tend to put in dishes and have a variety so people can help themselves to what they want. If I'm a guest, one of the few things I don't eat is hot curry - I can't cope with very spicy hot food.

Of course you should, if you ask people to eat with you then you must like them so why would you want them to have an unpleasant experience at your table. I always check if there is anything they don't like, do bread to accompany the 1st/mains, 2 puddings and cheese - don't think anyone has gone hungry even if I got it wrong.

Used to entertain a lot but nowadays seems to be a group of friends going to a restaurant so no dietary problems. However Grapefruit is banned by my medication (yippee)and I haven't been able to face any form of rice/milk pudding since school 60 years ago and spending every Monday afternoon facing a soup bowl full that had to be eaten. It seems to have become a popular item on many restaurant menus, though not hopefully cold and solid! A local restaurant now serves Muntjac. I know it is only deer but as they regularly trot down our road (and eat my tulips) it would somehow be like eating a neighbour's labrador! Have no problems with venison however.

In 1955 we were told about the possibility of horse meat prior to French exchange visits. I was in fact offered some and it was fine, however I haven't had it since! I hated hot milky drinks with skin on and didn't like coffee so I was greatly relieved to have a bowl of hot chocolate each morning!

maggie273 This is the wrong thread to seek help about your sad predicament. Go back to the Forums page, click on 'Relationships', then 'New discusssion' then start a new discussion called 'Need help' or something like that then enter there what you have entered on this thread. I am sure you will get lots of help from people who have had the same problems as you.

This thread is about feeding visitors and not everyone who can help you will read it.

DD in 6th form brought a lovely friend to tea. As he was Jewish and it was Passover he brought matzos and his mother's delicious homemade lemon curd which he left with me. If a 17 year old can be so thoughtful and avoid awkwardness I think adults can make their needs/preferences known!

That wasn't just pickiness, sluttygran, just plain old very bad manners. So glad she didn't join your family.

I always check if anyone has strong food preferences or dislikes, as I prefer my guests to have a pleasant meal free from anxiety or embarrassment, but some people are just plain difficult!
I remember a nightmare meal years ago when I served citrus cocktail, followed by chicken casserole, then chocolate mousse.

My brother-in-law's new girlfriend wouldn't touch any of it because the first course might give her a rash, she didn't fancy the second course as she wasn't in the mood for it, and chocolate mousse might have given her a headache.

I have a strong suspicion that she had taken a dislike to me and that may have been the reason for her 'performance', but I thought she was very rude to other guests present. I made her a cheese salad and she grudgingly picked at that with a disdainful look on her face. After an hour or so she asked to be taken home as she was bored.
The evening was not an unqualified success and I was quite miserable as I cleared up afterwards.

I'm very glad to say that my brother-in-law didn't marry this awful person, but found instead a delightful girl, who is happy to eat anything as long as it's vegetarian, and that's just fine by me!

I always ask if there is anything they can't eat as if anyone put coconut in any form in front of me I would be ill. Revolting stuff -even the smell makes me heave! My DH is allergic to seafood (not actual fish which he likes) so I understand the problems.
I was veggie for 25 years & always offered to bring 'something with me if it was easier'. Never got taken up on it though.
I do love cooking & entertaining & I'd rather ask first than have a spoilt evening serving something people could not or would not eat.
I think if you have real allergies or hates you should mention them- mind you if you have a huge list- maybe stay at home!

I need some advice my family had fallen apart since I got divorced been married for 40 years. My daughter and son not talking to me my fault did some awful things when I was at my lowest. Maggie

We don't ever entertain, as DH does not do people. I know if anyone likely to be invited has diet issues, but would check if someone new came into my social circle! I am virtually veggie (do not like meat, but family, especially MIL expect me to eat it!)

I check that there are no allergies or absolutely hated foods and do not serve offal or very strong flavours. That said, I don't cater for picky eaters. People can leave what they don't like and I would never take offence.

I think that vegetarians are often a little sanctimonious though I am happy to cater for them and love food made with vegetables and fruit.

Vegans. A step too far. Welcome but bring your own. 0.03 of the world's population - for a reason.

I always try to cook according to which friends/family are coming for a meal.
It is part of making them welcome.

Definitely ask what people can't eat when you first ask them, and keep a note of it for future occasions. It makes sense never to serve molluscs, tentacles, offal, or curries unless you know your guests enjoy them. Having people round for a meal shouldn't be an occasion to show off your culinary skills, rather a chance to give your friends (and yourself)a pleasant and relaxing experience.
I will try to eat everything put in front of me as that's the way I was brought up but I draw the line at treacle or in fact any kind odf steamed pudding. Just tell the hostess I'm too full up!

I an very allergic to Bi-valves, Mussels etc, and also to Red Wine, I have twice been to a friends for lunch who has made Paella and picked out the clams an Mussels for me,,,.
When I am catering either here at home or outside I ask people to tell me if they are Vegans, Vegetarians have allergies or severe intolerances. At home I ask for real dislikes too.
Had a large lunch to do last year(250) where a woman had a phobia about Cucumber, became quite hysterical even seeing it on the table ???????.
I quite enjoy catering for different needs and tastes, and I know people really like to feel they have been catered for specially.
I am doing a welcome supper here at the end of July and will ask the organisers to ask when sending out the invitations to ask people to tell them of any allergies etc, I will do the same Buffet as planned but can put little labels on things which people may have problems with.

I always take the cheat's way out, I do a hot and cold buffet!
Meat, fish and vegetarian dishes, with lots of different salads, and in cold weather, at least two different soups.
It all gets served up in the kitchen, from insulated serving dishes, folk wander back and forth and it's all very informal......I'm not the 'formal dinner party' type!

I don't tie myself in knots, or go off food myself when entertaining, as my mother did. I do find it hard work having people to dinner, however, as I always feel everything should be from scratch.plus I always seem to leave the shopping and house cleaning til the day or day before. Last time I served curries, but made sure they were mild.

DH won't eat meat for no obvious ethical or medical reason, but will eat it if it is minced or processed. As I made lamb koftas as a starter, guests must wonder way he happily chomped his way through that, then get told he doesn't eat red meat at theirs