Dinner time probs

Thanks everyone this has helped a lot. Next time I'm visiting then (if that ever happens....!), I'll not say a word, ie, just chat about their day!

They could be just slow eaters and the more they are chivvied the less likely they are to want to eat.

The au pair and the DP sound as if they are creating problems for the future by making such an issue out of this.

Ahh One of my favourites and so true.
Only children and retired folk.

Those in between are on spinning in the proverbial hamster wheel

Life is all rush these days; I feel sorry for children rushed and chivvied from pillar to post as parents both try to juggle work, family and leisure; perhaps remind them of this Retr0gran:

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Jalima1108, its not just the au pair, its the parents who get annoyed about the slowness of eating. I'm just backing them up, but also looking for other suggestions, thanks for those you've given here! I could say its better for their digestion and they should let it go, but that might appear as criticism! Like walking on eggshells! Prob best to say nothing.

As granny, you could ask the children for an honest answer about how kind, or otherwise, the au pair is when no-one else is around.
Children do exaggerate but you could sort out the truth.

Does the problem lie more with the au pair and how they feel about her?

Thanks, polyperkins! In my defence, I couldn't reply then as I was on holiday and travelling with no internet access for about a week, and was using data for only essential things.

pollyperkins - I think Retr0gran got rather unsympathetic replies to her posts because she asked about slow eating children, then went away and didn’t respond for a couple of weeks so some people thought it was a ‘wind-up’ post like another from Retrogran (different poster) about whether to stop the car for a child wanting to pee!

Posted not losted!

It seems to.me that Retr0gran has losted twice and had very little help/sympathy either time, yet other posters have lots of sympathy. I don't understand why this is. Yes the advice has been there but the tone has been very critical. A lttle understanding would be nice.

A little more information in the original post then would have been helpful. I stand by my comments but it appears they should be directed at the au pair /parents.

Many, many adults wolf their food down and hardly taste it. Fast eating can lead to overeating. Be grateful they are slow eaters.

I am not Retrogran posting re car journey and needing to pee. I spell mine Retr0gran. I only mentioned the eating slow problem as I am an occasional visitor as I live far away, and the parents and au pair are the ones concerned about it. Thank you for all your comments.

Mcem, its the parents who are complaining, also the au pair who makes their food, I'm just looking for a solution to what they see as a problem.

Then someone needs to put the au pair straight!

Twiceasnice et al, I only get to visit them a couple of times a year, I live in N Ireland. The au pair makes the meal, the parents are both still at work (London) and adults eat later.

It was the au pair pressurising them to eat that made them cry, and the parents seem to get annoyed by their slow eating, im only there occasionally observing.

I can't see why it is a problem - definitely can't see why it is a grandparents problem- unless you have sole, full time care. Just chat to them - eating is a social occasion.

For Gods sake don't pressure them to 'eat up'. Apart from rampant eating disorders we have an obesity epidemic in this country. Half our problems originate from this situation. Let them eat what they want, then leave the rest. A lot of our weight loss problems are related to portion control, and the subtle pressure to 'eat up'

Sorry, just to clarify, I didn’t mean chewing slowly, but rather leaving the table and “ messing about”, as mentioned previously.

Being a slow eater is NOT attention seeking.

if there are problems with the relationship then making slow eaters cry is not going to go down well.

I suggest put a selection of food in serving dishes and let them decide how much they fancy.

I have a son who was a terrible eater when he was very young .He was over 11 weeks prem and wouldn't feed so we had to cut a bigger hole in the teat and virtually pour milk down his throat .Once he was weaned there was a very limited amount of things he would even put in his mouth and I used to spend most days cooking constantly trying to find something...anything he would eat.When he was 15 months and we were at my SIL 's wedding he weighed less than 15 pounds and wore clothes for 3-6 month old babies.
I never lost my patience with him and disregarded peoples "advice" about force feeding him..apart from the hospitals advice re his milk .He is still very slim at 30 ,just over 8 stone though he will eat anything put in front of him.I know from experience how hard it is to have a very slow eater.You will just be lining up problems though,if you make them cry over food .

I must disagree with you Daddima - if children are 'messing around' at the table that is one thing, but being a slow eater then being pressured to eat quickly is quite another thing. And I should also add that, as I know from personal experience, receiving attention is the worst thing that can happen.

Sorry, but I always take situations back to attention seeking, especially where food is concerned. I’d leave the table, and then, if they’re not eating, I’d remove the plates.