The Alphabet Bar ( all welcome!)

Lawks a mercy! Is he afraid of the Russian Mafia or some other person?

Left hook! Lemon are you responsible? You appear to be such a dainty creature. But then, if Korky misbehaved during your cosy evening tucked away inside the broom cupboard...fair dos.

My mistake!

No it’s not the Russian Mafia lemon it’s Olga. She caught me an Korky ....talking... outside the bar. She threw a left hook at me but I ducked and Korky didn’t. Oops. She’s a mighty big girl, soop is that you behind the bar? Can I have a double of something please ?

The aroma of your coffee is to die for...tell me you don't serve that awful new decaffinated kind.

Oh! No! there's more walking wounded here than in A&E, drat!! I always miss the best bits of action. soop can I have some of what Doodle's having and add a dash of Lemon's secret hooch, the stuff in that bottle with the skull on the label that she hides in the juke box

Pleeeeease be assured Txquiltz, you'll never get decafinated stuff here, our boss is the coffee officianado... She's still got G Clooney secreted somewhere on The Alphabet premises...rumour has it ???

Quite where she's got him hidden though is anyone's guess..... do you think she's telling the truth? I've looked low and high and all over to no avail. I did find some body secreted away though, but he had been there a while ?. He had an axe in his head...

Really cherry that’s scary. Are you sure it wasn’t one of soop’s fireman fallen asleep with his little chopper?

Silly me ?, sherry, sherry trifle and sherry, sherry, sherry stupefied me and I sleepwalked dreaming a strange dream that the cellar was stuffed full of sailors' bodies ?. Sobering up now but I think I need a Sheridan's to get over the shock ?

Tequila sunrises coming up. Tuck into the tomato sandwiches. Slightly soggy but, it's the best I can do with the kitchen out back being in total disarray. There appears to someone sleeping under the sink. Any idea who he/she belongs to?

Under the sink ? oh that could be Korky hiding from Olga . She packs a mighty punch for someone only 4 ft tall. Are you sure it was sherry trifle cherry and not one that lemon made? You never know what she puts in it. Last time it was paint stripper mixed with custard powder.?

Vodka! A barrel has been delivered. Some chap says it fell off a lorry. Try it on Korky before you sample some yourselves. If he's still sitting under the sink tomorrow...call the paramedics.

Wee Willie Harris on the jukebox

Xanadu .....the next record up

You can’t say it’s a good vodka unless you lose your sight! I should know, having spent two years in a cellar bar in Moscow.I only went in there for an apperitif!

Zooming in for some of that vodka please lemon. Ooh Xanadu coming up on the juke box. Lovely, that’s me dancing then. Korky still under the sink. Wots he doing there? ? He’s not trying his had a plumbing is he.
Oh well I’ll dance round my handbag then.........yes I know it’s posh and you’re all jealous. Cost a fortune, real leather and gold with diamond encrusted handles......its an original ...I got from an old bloke down the market for a tenna. I think he was a bit surprised as he was expecting money. As I told him, you never know when those lady pads could come in useful?

Arghhhhhhhhh,, there's water everywhere ?. Korky, you idiot, what have you gone and done!!!! Quick gals help me bail this water out or the bar will be ruined and lemon's gonna need a new one. Oh heck! Oh s..t! What are we gonna do ..

Buckets!! We need buckets! Come on everyone. Where are the sailors when you need them. Bailing out needed. ....or the fire brigade with a big pump ?‍? ?

Commander Clive Clifford Carruther-Crinklebottom has phoned to offer help clear up the disgraceful mess we're paddling through. I don't know who he is. So, please laydeez, treat him with respect.

Don’t bother everyone.....this bar is now too far gone, luckily our old premises are available for rent just now, and will only require the rat man and his Jack Russell to spend a day in there.?

E x c i t e d !!! Not 'arf ...!!!

Fantastic! Yeah. When are we movin lemon? Oh I must start packing. Won’t bother with the crystal glasses we won’t be needing them or the champagne flutes. soop is the Commander any good at humping boxes? He could lend a hand. Where are we going lemon?

Going home Doodle ! We should never have left...this fine upmarket gleaming bar was never really us was it??

HOME! To The Argy Bargy Bar.....see you there, I am taking Korky there now to show him the cellar.