Limericks 15

I fancy a ride on my bike
Though I’d be safer on a trike
With the wind in my hair

I fancy a ride on my bike
Though I'd be safer on a trike
With the wind in my hair
And the weather set fair

I fancy a ride on my bike
Though I'd be safer on a trike
With the wind in my hair
And the weather set fair
It's kinder on the legs than a hike.

Ten years ago I was really quite fit

Ten years ago I was really quite fit
Ran marathons but then had to quit

Ten years ago I was really quite fit
Ran marathons but then had to quit
Now my sport is macramé

It drives me quite barmy

Ten years ago I was really quite fit
Ran marathons but then had to quit
Now my sport is macramé
It drives me quite barmy
But I don't want to crochet or knit.

So I'm twisting and knotting those strings

Causes aches in my old bingo wings

So I'm twisting and knotting those strings
Causes aches in my old bingo wings
I must do some physio

So I'm twisting and knotting those strings
Causes aches in my old bingo wings
I must do some physio
As my limbs I must throw

So I'm twisting and knotting those strings
Causes aches in my old bingo wings
I must do some physio
As my limbs I must throw
Like a gymnast, hence the painful old twings.

So I'll take up opera singing instead

So I'll take up opera singing instead
Making sound as I fling back my head

So I'll take up opera singing instead
Making sound as I fling back my heaD
Verdi, Strauss or Puccini

So I'll take up opera singing instead
Making sound as I fling back my head
Verdi, Strauss or Puccini
Offenbach or Rossini

So I'll take up opera singing instead
Making sound as I fling back my head
Verdi, Strauss or Puccini
Offenbach or Rossini
Will all help boost my street cred.

The orchestra made such a racket

The orchestra made such a racket
The conductor just couldn't hack it

The orchestra made such a racket
The conductor just couldn't hack it
He threw down his baton

The orchestra made such a racket
The conductor just couldn't hack it
He threw down his baton
Put coat, scarf and hat on

The orchestra made such a racket
The conductor just couldn't hack it
He threw down his baton
Put coat, scarf and hat on
Found a nag at the bookies and backed it.

Well, he won such a huge pile of dough

Well, he won such a huge pile of dough
That he bought a nightclub in London Soho

Well, he won such a huge pile of dough
That he bought a nightclub in London Soho
The drinks were so dear

Well, he won such a huge pile of dough
That he bought a nightclub in London Soho
The drinks were so dear
And you must wear the right gear

Well, he won such a huge pile of dough
That he bought a nightclub in London Soho
The drinks were so dear
And you must wear the right gear -
Black leather from head to toe.

But the nightclub failed after lockdown

But the nightclub failed after lockdown
Which caused shareholders to frown

But the nightclub failed after lockdown
Which caused shareholders to frown
Their dosh all went phut!