VERSATILE VERSE 3

I'd love a No 1 in the Classical Charts
something cheering which would reach our hearts

It could be performed at the Albert Hall

It could be performed at the Albert Hall
I'll stand on a box as I'm not very tall.

But I would feel tickled pink to be there

But I would feel tickled pink to be there
A special effort is needed for my hair.

It’s long and dry, and brittle too

It's long and dry, and brittle too
It looks like a brush you'd use for the loo!

I long for my hairdresser to perform her magic

I long for my hairdresser to work her magic.
Tried it myself and the outcome was tragic.

Shorter on one side, fringe all askew

shorter on one side, fringe all askew
trying this out I certainly rue

I need to try a home colour to revitalize the grey

I need to try a home colour to revitalise the grey,
Or really good dye that will hide it away.

You must try a patch test in case of reaction,

You must try a patch test in case of reaction,
DIY at home, the cost will be a fraction

Of what you’d spend in a fancy hairdressing salon

Of what you’d spend in a fancy hairdressing salon
They charge the earth and then it's all gone.

So practise your skills and you'll be surprised

So practice your skills and you’ll be surprised
Your efforts at coiffure will not be despised

Maybe after the virus a new career starting

Maybe after the virus a new career starting
Could probably open a salon in Barking.

They say the ladies there, tip very well

They say the ladies there, tip very well
but there's no way my hairdressing skills are going to sell

I'm far more likely to end up sued instead

I'm far more likely to end up sued instead
Then my bank statement will be totally red

Perhaps I should try my skills out on my friends

Perhaps I should try out my skills in my friends
And limit the cutting to trimming split ends.

I can do a good colour, that’s well in my power

I can do a good colour, that’s well in my power
My rate is good at twenty pounds an hour

It includes a good cut, blow dry and finish

It includes a good cut, blow dry and finish
And manicure with gold tipped nail polish

I’ll build my clientele with age old flattery

I'll build my clientele with age old flattery
keep cake and coffee flowing as if they're in a granary

They'll have such a great time they'll never want to leave

They’ll have such a great time they’ll never want to leave,
And they’re asking for spray-tan booths would you believe!

So I’ll introduce cubicles, goggles and thongs

And beers, wines and spirits are throwaway bongs

Pretend it’s the sixties where love is all you need

So I’ll introduce cubicles, goggles and thongs
When they're tanned enough they bang on big gongs

When they emerge they look just like Trump

Ah.. sorry Nanna8

Pretend it’s the sixties where love is all you need
Well, I was there and it's not true, indeed

Love isn't always enough, as I found out

Love isn't always enough, as I found out
My beloved died and left me with nowt!

After paying for his funeral there was very slim pickings!

After paying for his funeral there was very slim pickings
And we’re all getting older, I hear the clock ticking.
Oh stop! Let’s be positive! But not with that!

Oh stop! Let’s be positive! But not with that!
Let’s hope I find a bundle under his hat

Often wonder what it’ll be like

Often wonder what it'll be like
to set off on an adventure on my old bike

I'll need somewhere flat so I'll give the Lakes a miss