Limericks 17

There once was a sleepy old dog
Who missed thieves-he slept like a log
Not even a bark
To scare the wee lark
When he wakes his mind’s in a fog

A little Jack Russell from Rye

A little Jack Russell from Rye
Was tempted by my rabbit pie

A little Jack Russell from Rye
Was tempted by my rabbit pie
He begged for a slice

A little Jack Russell from Rye
Was tempted by my rabbit pie
He begged for a slice
With a helping of rice

A little Jack Russell from Rye
Was tempted by my rabbit pie
He begged for a slice
With a helping of rice
He gobbled it up, do or die.

I’m not Pru Leith by any means

I’m not Pru Leith by any means
My usual food is toast and beans

I’m not Pru Leith by any means
My usual food is toast and beans
Tried Pizza today

I’m not Pru Leith by any means
My usual food is toast and beans
Tried Pizza today
And really must say

I’m not Pru Leith by any means
My usual food is toast and beans
Tried Pizza today
And really must say
It's almost the food of my dreams.

But the best is Sunday roast beef

But the best is Sunday roast beef
From my mum’s book I’ll take a leaf

But the best is Sunday roast beef
From my mum’s book I’ll take a leaf
Yourkshire puds, a must

But the best is Sunday roast beef
From my mum`s book I`ll take a leaf
Yorkshire puds a must
I`ll make `em or bust

But the best is Sunday roast beef
From my mum`s book I`ll take a leaf
Yorkshire puds a must
I`ll make `em or bust

The mirror gave me a fright today

what happened to the last line Crazy

The mirror gave me a fright today
Do I really look that old and grey

But the best is Sunday roast beef
From my mum`s book I`ll take a leaf
Yorkshire puds a must
I`ll make `em or bust
If they rise t'will be a relief

The mirror gave me a fright today
As my hair, it looked just like hay

The mirror gave me a fright today
As my hair, it looked just like hay
Could do with a trim

The mirror gave me a fright today
As my hair, it looked just like hay
Could do with a trim
Be a bit less grim

The mirror gave me a fright today
As my hair, it looked just like hay
Could do with a trim
Be a bit less grim
Use conditioner, come what may.

I've grown a tyre around my waist

I've grown a tyre around my waist
It's very much to my distaste

I've grown a tyre around my waist
It's very much to my distaste
Unlike chips and cheese

I've grown a tyre around my waist
It's very much to my distaste
Unlike chips and cheese
On which I do feast

I've grown a tyre around my waist
It's very much to my distaste
Unlike chips and cheese
On which I do feast
To get them all down me, post haste.

I used to be like a matchstick

I used to be like a matchstick
Calories I’d burn fast and quick

I used to be like a matchstick
Calories I'd burn fast and quick
But sadly these days