Limericks 17

She fell in love with Billy from Bognor
A chap who kept on spouting dogma
So she bought ear plugs

She fell in love with Billy from Bognor
A chap who kept on spouting dogma
So she bought ear plugs
Gave him loads of hugs

She fell in love with Billy from Bognor
A chap who kept on spouting dogma
So she bought earplugs
Gave him loads of hugs
But she was soon back on the vodka.

Then she fell for a rapscallion

Then she fell for a rapscallion
Who spun her tales of his galleon

Then she fell for a rapscallion
Who spun her tales of his galleon,
He sailed the high seas

Then she fell for a rapscallion
Who spun her tales of his galleon,
He sailed the high seas
Bragged of expertise

Then she fell for a rapscallion
Who spun her tales of his galleon,
He sailed the high seas
Bragged of expertise
Pity he's got fleas, a battalion.

But he brought home some gold dubloons

But he brought home some gold dubloons
His mum said they`d make nice teaspoons

But he brought home some gold doubloons
His mum said they'd make nice teaspoons
So sparkly they shine

But he brought home some gold doubloons
His mum said they'd make nice teaspoons
So sparkly they shine
By rights they are mine

But he brought home some gold doubloons
His mum said they'd make nice teaspoons
So sparkly they shine
By rights they are mine
They’re perfect for eating my prunes

There was an old Colonel from Crewe

There was an old Colonel from Crewe
Who jumped when his wife shouted "BOO!"

There was an old Colonel from Crewe
Who jumped when his wife shouted "BOO!"
He’s always on guard

There was an old Colonel from Crewe
Who jumped when his wife shouted "BOO!"
He’s always on guard,
Lives on bread and lard,

There was an old Colonel from Crewe
Who jumped when his wife shouted, "BOO"!
He's always on guard,
Lives on bread and lard
His frugality he may rue.

His wife's always up for a laugh

His wife's always up for a laugh
And she’s more fun than him by half

His wife`s always up for a laugh
And she`s more fun than him by half
She`ll dance on the table

His wife`s always up for a laugh
And she`s more fun than him by half
She`ll dance on the table
Shame it’s unstable!

His wife`s always up for a laugh
And she`s more fun than him by half
She`ll dance on the table
Shame it’s unstable!
Now she's upside down in the bath.

Mickey the mouse married Minnie

Mickey the mouse married Minnie
Although she'd been after Winnie

Mickey the mouse married Minnie
Although she`d been after Winnie
She took second best

Mickey the mouse married Minnie
Although she`d been after Winnie
She took second best
As Pooh’s not impressed

Mickey the mouse married Minnie
Although she`d been after Winnie
She took second best
As Pooh’s not impressed
But he's such a daft old ninny.

If you go down to the woods today

If you go down to the woods to play
And those grizzly bears come out to play

If you go down to the woods to day
And those grizzly bears come out to play
Don’t turn tail and run