Limericks 17

Such a sporting weekend to come
There`ll be cheering and lots of fun
Great if you like sport
On or off the court

Such a sporting weekend to come
There`ll be cheering and lots of fun
Great if you like sport
On or off the court
For me, it’s tea and currant bun

At school, I skived off PE class

At school I skived off PE class.
The teacher would shout
where's that lass?

At school I skived off PE class
The teacher would shout "Where's that lass"
I hid in the loo

At school I skived off PE class
The teacher would shout "Where's that lass"
I hid in the loo
For an hour or two

At school I skived off PE class
The teacher would shout, "Where's that lass?"
I hid in the loo
For an hour or more
Hoped no-one would miss me in class.

But my feet showed beneath the door

But my feet showed beneath the door
I tried lifting them off the floor

But my feet showed beneath the door
I tried lifting them off the floor
And he smelled my fag

But my feet showed beneath the door
I tried lifting them off the floor
And he smelled my fag
He began to gag

But my feet showed beneath the door
I tried lifting them off the floor
And he smelled my fag
He began to gag
Said, "That habit I do deplore"

"Do you know it will stunt your growth?"

"Do you know it will stunt your growth?"
I said "That`s true, you and me both"

"Do you know it will stunt your growth?"
I said, "That's true, you and me both"
So young, I was hooked

“ Do you know it will stunt your growth?"
I said, "That's true, you and me both"
So young, I was hooked
My health overlooked

“ Do you know it will stunt your growth?"
I said, "That's true, you and me both"
So young, I was hooked
My health overlooked
Now I am quitting that's an oath

I have turned over a new leaf

I have turned over a new leaf
Don’t want to give my body grief

I have turned over a new leaf
Don`t want to give my body grief
From now on it`s mints

I have turned over a new leaf
Don't want to give my body grief
From now on it's mints
I'll take all the hints

I have turned over a new leaf
Don't want to give my body grief
From now on it's mints
I'll take all the hints
My family feels huge relief.

And think of the money I'll save

And think of the money I'll save
Cant take it with me to the grave

And think of the money I'll save
Cant take it with me to the grave
So I’ll use the cash

And think of the money I`ll save
Can`t take it with me to the grave
So I`ll use the cash
To have a good bash

And think of the money I`ll save
Can`t take it with me to the grave
So I`ll use the cash
To have a good bash
But not go as far as a rave

Agoraphobic I’ve become!

Agoraphobic I’ve become!
And it isn't a lot of fun

Agoraphobic I've become
And it isn't a lot of fun
To be so fearful

Agoraphobic I`ve become
And it isn`t a lot of fun
To be so fearful
Instead of cheerful