New Limerick

My postman's got lost in the snow
They’re searching for him, high and low
He fell in a drift
When he sneezed and then sniffed

My postman's got lost in the snow
They’re searching for him, high and low
He fell in a drift
When he sneezed and then sniffed
He finally decided which way to go

Sorry
After the snow came wind and rain

After the snow came wind and rain
The weather that seems such a pain

After the snow came wind and rain
The weather that seems such a pain
Just so depressing

After the snow came wind and rain
The weather that seems such a pain
Just so depressing
Don’t feel like dressing

After the snow came wind and rain
The weather that seems such a pain
Just so depressing
Don’t feel like dressing,
But spring's coming, let's not complain. .

I'm taking my mother to France

I'm taking my mother to France
To take part in a jolly dance

I'm taking my mother to France
To take part in a jolly dance
Is it the Cancan?

I'm taking my mother to France
To take part in a jolly dance
Is it the Cancan?
At night, with a toucan?

I'm taking my mother to France
To take part in a jolly dance
Is it the Cancan?
At night, with a toucan?
Take care, don’t end up in a trance

My twin sister makes my life hell

My twin sister makes my life hell
She says that my clothes have a smell

My twin sister makes my life hell
She says that my clothes have a smell
So I told my mum

My twin sister makes my life hell
She says that my clothes have a smell
So I told my mum
But she said that was dumb

My twin sister makes my life hell
She says that my clothes have a smell
So I told my mum
But she said that was dumb
So I pushed them both down a well

My neighbour has started a fire

My neighbour has started a fire
So won’t be singing in the choir

My neighbour has started a fire
So won’t be singing in the choir
He'd be smelling of smoke

My neighbour has started a fire
So won’t be singing in the choir
No extinguisher near

My neighbour has started a fire
So won’t be singing in the choir
No extinguisher near
Inferno, I fear

My neighbour has started a fire
So won’t be singing in the choir
No extinguisher near
Inferno, I fear
Although he's most likely a liar

The truth is, his singing is awful

The truth is, his singing is awful
It might not even be lawful

The truth is, his singing is awful
It might not even be lawful
His notes are a din

The truth is, his singing is awful
It might not even be lawful
His notes are a din
It must be a sin

The truth is, his singing is awful
It might not even be lawful
His notes are a din
It must be a sin
I don't s'pose he's even remorseful

My auntie has got a new cat

My auntie has got a new cat
I don't think he'll ever get fat