July 23 Limerick (continuation of July 21)

Cedric used to snorkel and dive
At least, while he was alive
It's hard when you're dead
And don't have a head
Can not get in the car and drive

His car is just rusting in the garage

He'd bought just after his marriage

His car’s rusting in the garage
He’d bough just after his marriage
His wife’s phobia

His car’s rusting in the garage
He’d bough just after his marriage
His wife’s phobia
Bright green Fabia

His car’s rusting in the garage
He’d bough just after his marriage
His wife’s phobia
Bright green Fabia
She preferred a horse and carriage

He googled where he could find one

He googled where he could find one
He got some contracts and signed one

He googled where he could find one
He got some contracts and signed one
The horse was a bay

He googled where he could find one
He got some contracts and signed one
The horse was a bay
Needed lot more hay

He googled where he could find one
He got some contracts and signed one
The horse was a bay
Needed lot more hay
As husbands go, Cedric's a kind one

It's more fun than taking a bus

It's more fun than taking a bus
Standing in queues is too much fuss

It's more fun than taking a bus
Standing in queues is too much fuss
They often run late

It's more fun than taking a bus
Standing in queues is too much fuss
They often run late
I'm left to my fate

It's more fun than taking a bus
Standing in queues is too much fuss
They often run late
I'm left to my fate
And for miles, they can hear me ‘cuss’

My foul mouth has been washed with soap

My foul mouth has been washed with soap
I'd said I would f*cking elope

My foul mouth has been washed with soap
I'd said I would f*cking elope
Mum said ‘bxxxxr off’

My foul mouth has been washed with soap
I'd said I would f*cking elope
Mum said ‘bxxxxr off’
But I'm not a rich toff

My foul mouth has been washed with soap
I'd said I would f*cking elope
Mum said ‘bxxxxr off’
But I'm not a rich toff
So I’ll just have to stay and cope

My friend Peggy’s an almighty bore

My foul mouth has been washed with soap
I'd said I would f*cking elope
Mum said 'bxxxxr off'
But I'm not a rich toff
So I sneaked to have a quick grope

(Sorry done it again.)

My window box is full of weeds

My window box is full of weeds
That’s because I bought the wrong seeds

My window box is full of weeds
That’s because I bought the wrong seeds
Cornflowers are blue

My window box is full of weeds
That's because I bought the wrong seeds
Cornflowers are blue
Harebells are too

My window box is full of weeds
That's because I bought the wrong seeds
Cornflowers are blue
Harebells are too
The garden, more colour it needs.

Next door looks so cheerful and bright

Next door looks so cheerful and bright
But alas, it is haunted at night

There's a rather rude ghost