Silly news reports.

Thank you all! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

MissAdventure

The new blind shop is to close, resulting in 100 job losses.
An anonymous employee told our reporter "I'm afraid it's curtains for us".

I had to read this one twice as it didn't make sense...
Then I realised it wasn't the RNIB shop 🙄

We're past the watershed, so.....
Ann Summers to pull their much acclaimed new vibrator.
Head of marketing, Stanley Sleeze remarked "i would say it just got off to a shaky start".

ClicketyClick

Male arrested after police spotted a suspiciously small package in his underwear.

Shouldn’t that be a large package?😁

Spurned Woman who Bombarded Ex with Yankee Candle Gift sets declares
"I'll always hold a flame for him even if it does get on his wick"

A prolific author was today ‘outed’ for copying other authors work.
A literary agent for one of the copied authors said she hopes they throw the book at him.

She worked in Greggs serving sausage rolls, when asked what she thought of the customers her reply came as a shock "puffed up, flaky and half baked"

A psychic knocked down by a car, told the police he didn't see it coming.

The Glazier who turned up to repair the broken window was a right pane! When he left I felt shattered.

Workers went on a protest march today, after big boss at brass instrument fsctory accused of "always blowing his own trumpet".

Police reported that the man who died falling from a 6th floor nightclub wasn't a bouncer.

Meanwhile, a bittet feud has ended with one plumbing company being forced to close
"Twenty years down the drain" said owner Usain Ubend, tearfully.

A photographer was injured today when a large block of cheddar fell on him. To be fair the people he was taking a photo of did try to warn him

Toilet Seat Manufacturer Goes Down the Pan!
CEO sadly admits this was "the best of all his Big Jobs"

Mr Salt has started a business building yachts from home. Sails are going through the roof

If life makes you the butt of jokes, don't crack up, smile and have a thong in your heart!

In the local newspaper today.

The village hardware store was broken into overnight by three unidentified males. It seems all they took was 10 metres of rope.

Police are looking for them but believe they have skipped town.

ClicketyClick

Police reported that the man who died falling from a 6th floor nightclub wasn't a bouncer.

ClicketyClick that's terrible 😂😂😂

He’d been a limo driver for 25years but never had a customer. All that time and nothing to chauffeur it

Cricket Pitch Streaker who became Vicar describes How He Tuned the Other Cheek!

A tribunal heard today how the c.e.o of a margarine factory told his secretary told her he "yearned to cover her in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"
When questioned about why she said nothing, she claimed "Well, he told me not to spread it,".

A milliner today was cheerful as his long standing rival revealed plans to open the worlds best trilby outlet.
Mr Stipple said "Well, I take my hat off to him"

Ivor Bucket, Winner of Britain's Best Cleaner mops up tears as Judges reveal "he absolutely wiped the floor with his competitors"