Silly news reports.

Two men hijacked a lorry containing thousands of pounds worth of viagra this morning.
Police are now looking for the two hardened criminals.

21:43Oreo
ClicketyClick
Male arrested after police spotted a suspiciously small package in his underwear.
Shouldn’t that be a large package?

@#£%&--+

I think he was being accused of budgie smuggling....

These have been really good. I laughed out loud at the ones about the cheese and the skipping rope.

Baggage handler sentenced after cctv showed him stealing from the luggage carousel.
Police spokesperson quoted as declaring it an open and shut case.

I'm killing myself laughing at all of the above!

Police are investigating a break-in at a sweet/confenctionary factory in Cumbria.

They apprehended the suspects, and when asked what they were after, they replied, " All sorts, really!''

Sorry! I'll go into the naughty corner!

HA HA HA! I love his humour!

There was a break in at Costa Coffee last night. Suspects described as a fat white and an Americano. Both were steaming they'd been caught without a bean!

Sleep tight.

Thieves have apologised to Mr Kipling after 'Cake Break In'
saying it was " a half baked idea" and they "only did it as they needed the dough"

Goodnight all, thanks for winding this hot day up with laughter!

There have been reports of a dangerous new way of ingesting the party drug, ecstacy, in Yorkshire.
Users are injecting the drug pipularly known as "E," directly into the soft tissue in their mouths..
This is known as "E by gum".

(Its just a joke - not really!)

MissAdventure

A film about Roy Rogers is due to premier tomorrow.
It will come with a trigger warning.

I'll be gunning for him!

A film about Roy Rogers is due to premier tomorrow.
It will come with a trigger warning.

MissAdventure

Cinema goers queued to see the new film, which is a sequel to both free willy and my left foot.

Its called my free foor willy.

No sure how saucy we are allowed to be! Apologies if this is not suitable!

A woman had a designer vagina operation. After the op she received three bunches of flowers. One from her husband, one from her surgeon and one from a grateful burns victim thanking her for his new ears.

Cinema goers queued to see the new film, which is a sequel to both free willy and my left foot.

Its called my free foor willy.

Man arrested for breaking into a dog Treat Factory Claims
"I have a right to Choose"

top thread

A policeman gets an urgent call that a body has been found in an ice cream van. Upon rushing to the scene, he discovers a man covered from head to toe in hundreds and thousands, with chocolate flakes up his nostrils, and raspberry sauce all over his head. A puzzled onlooker asks the officer what happened, and the policeman replies: "It looks like he topped himself."

Ha ha these are brilliant! 😁

The manager of a vintage record shop today denied claims that Elvis Presley songs are being targetted.
Asked to comment, he dismissed it as "Suspicious minds".

You're great at this.
There's a feather in your cap, eh?

Ivor Bucket, Winner of Britain's Best Cleaner mops up tears as Judges reveal "he absolutely wiped the floor with his competitors"

A milliner today was cheerful as his long standing rival revealed plans to open the worlds best trilby outlet.
Mr Stipple said "Well, I take my hat off to him"

A tribunal heard today how the c.e.o of a margarine factory told his secretary told her he "yearned to cover her in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"
When questioned about why she said nothing, she claimed "Well, he told me not to spread it,".