Silly news reports.

Some minor gym jokes:

A man walks into a gym and asks the receptionist, “What machine should I use to impress women?.....
............She responded swiftly, pointing outside the door, saying, “The ATM machine, sir.

Why was the farmer get kicked out of the gym?
He was destroying his calves.....

Why did the fish stop lifting weights?
He pulled a mussel.

Did you hear about the weightlifting vegetable?
He was a muscle sprout

"Exercise? Ah, I thought you said extra fries!"

Why didn't the skeleton go to the gym? He didn't have the guts.

A peephole was found in the gym locker rooms.
The police are looking into it.

Toilet Factory Robbery latest....Police have nothing to go on!

Police stated that following the abduction of dogs from a local park they were following several leads.

He was a political agiatator who loved his turntable it satisfied his desire for constant revolutions.

Diarrhea outbreak in local hospital. Doctors are trying to get to the bottom of it.

Clinical trials confirm that breathing is health.

Local authority sprays roads with water to stop them melting!

Oh sorry, that’s really happening!

Lorry carrying fruit crashes on motorway and creates jam.

MissAdventure

Eg - A local knicker factory has closed after fifty years service.
Simon Bloggs, the owner said "The bottom has just fallen out of ladies underwear".

My partner comes out with these all the time!
I did laugh at some of them.

You're probably sick of hearing them, if your husband comes out with similar?
Glad sone made you laugh, though.

A man robbed a bank with CDs stuck over his eyes. They were his disk eyes…

My neighbour has built his office in a tree house. He’s a Branch Manager

After an altercation in "Ye olde tea shoppe" Mrs Swallocks was unrepentant, having pushed a cream cake into the face of her colleague, who works serving hot drinks.
She has now left her job, after accusations of being a stirrer.

Prize winning farmer was outstanding in his field.

Thanks Grannybags. I've just twigged your Branch Manager joke.

A man was apprehended earlier today fom Miss Sylvia Wagstaffs garden, after being spotted "numerous" times, carrying binoculars, and loitering around her bungalow.

He explained to police that as a keen ornithologist, he was merely hoping to catch sight of some great tits.

MissAdventure

A man was apprehended earlier today fom Miss Sylvia Wagstaffs garden, after being spotted "numerous" times, carrying binoculars, and loitering around her bungalow.

He explained to police that as a keen ornithologist, he was merely hoping to catch sight of some great tits.

🤣🤣

Relatives of a cremated loved one are blazing after their loved one’s ashes were lost. One relative stated that any chance of locating the ashes had gone up in smoke.

People have recently been wearing skin coloured tight net clothing in a tik tok trend to appear naked whilst out and about.
It has been widely condemned as ‘fake nudes’.

Man wanders into his local electrical shop, can't find what he's looking for, seeks help from an assistant who tells him "sorry, don't have that, we only have the one item and you need to subscribe". "What!" says the customer. "Only Fans" here came the reply.

The BBC news reporter who updated us on petrol shortages during Covid was called Phil McCann

Mr Drew Pidoo intends to sue the Italian Star restaurant, after claiming that the food served caused excessive flatulence.

Owner of the Italian Starr dismisseed Mr Doo's complaints, by publicly calling them "A load of hot air".