Gransnet forums

Genealogy/memories

Remembering a loved one.

(18 Posts)
Nansypansy Sat 11-May-13 07:45:12

It is 10 years since my eldest son died of a brain tumour at the age of 34. I pondered over how best I could deal with this poignant date. I thought about putting an 'in memoriam' in the local paper, but as his life expanded to other parts of the country, I decided to make some teabag holders enclosing a teabag and a poem and posted them to relevant people so that they could join me on that day by making a cup of tea so that we could all remember him. I love sewing so making the tea bag holders was therapeutic as was the poem I wrote.

baubles Sat 11-May-13 07:53:10

Nansypansy that was a lovely thing to do in memory of your son flowers

Butty Sat 11-May-13 08:04:50

That's so thoughtful, nansypansy. A simple moment to spend for those remembering your son. flowers

gillybob Sat 11-May-13 08:09:44

I am so sorry about the sad loss of your son Nansypansy and so very young too. I love your idea about the tea and that everyone who knew him and loved him could sit down for 5 minutes reflection at the same time. I would love to read your poem if you are happy to share it with us. Although if it is private and personal that's fine too, I understand. flowers

petallus Sat 11-May-13 08:25:24

So sorry about your son.

I think the way you are commemorating the 10th anniversary of his death is lovely.

Grannyknot Sat 11-May-13 08:27:05

Dear nansypansy how sorry I am to learn of your loss, your boy, how brave you are to face this sorrowful anniversary in such a positive way.

Your teabag memorial is such a good idea, I have a friend who is one of 5 sisters and they get together each year on their late mum's birthday and have a tea party in her memory (they celebrate her birth and her life). I would love to adapt your idea and send a teabag to all my old aunties (my mother's sisters) and my brother and sister when it is the anniversary of my mother's death. We are scattered all over the world but the idea would work very well, especially as my mom was a woman who sewed!

Please if you want to, could you share how you made the teabag holders - did you use fabric, what fabric did you use, and did you fill them with leaf tea? Did you make pyramid teabags?

Lots of love x

Nonu Sat 11-May-13 09:22:06

Kind wishes to you Nansypansy + a hug.

whenim64 Sat 11-May-13 09:40:09

I really like your idea, Nansypansy. Such creative results that come from experiencing grief. My sister's son died last year, only 38. She has taken up painting after a 40 year gap, and has produced some beautiful pictures, including a portrait of him for the anniversary of his death. She has found it therapeutic, as she had been searching for some meaning to help her through. Your idea will help others in your situation, too flowers

Mishap Sat 11-May-13 11:01:51

What a lovely idea - I am sure that all those who received one will treasure their 5 minutes with a cup of tea and thoughts of your son. We will all be dirnking a cup of tea and thinking of you today too.

Sook Sat 11-May-13 11:41:57

What a lovely way to remember your darling son. When I make my next brew I will raise my cup to him and to you for being such a loving mum xx

Gorki Sat 11-May-13 12:00:05

Agreed. I will too.

gracesmum Sat 11-May-13 12:33:11

[FLOWERS] to you, Nansypansy.I think this is a lovely idea and I hope all the friends and family touched by his life will draw strength and comfort from being together in spirit. Every sympathy to you too and may I say how I admire your generosity of spirit in thinking of others on this sad anniversary. I hope the memories of the good times over the years can sustain you but nothing ever truly makes the pain go away. Time doesn't heal, in my experience , but it can enable you to"grow" another layer of skin to help to cope with it. Thinking of you and yours flowers

Aka Sat 11-May-13 13:19:39

Anniversaries are so hard, aren't they? I love your idea to remember your dear son nansypansy and to offer other the chance to remember and share his memory with you too flowers

yogagran Sat 11-May-13 13:42:30

flowers for you Nansypansy at this difficult time. Your teabags are a lovely way of linking up with your son's friends and the family

sunflowersuffolk Sat 11-May-13 13:53:25

Thinking of you Nansypansy, flowers how lovely that you and your loved ones spread all over, are all stopping to have a cuppa at the same time, especially to think back on happy times spent with your beloved son, all together in spirit. That is a lovely, creative, personal idea which I'm sure will inspire others too.

It will be three years this Thursday that I lost my darling Dad, and I will be en route to Dorset. I've already talked to my siblings about it - this time I will just take his ring, and hold it close while I think of him.

In the last month two of my friends in their 60s have both lost loved sons, one very unexpected. It has made me realise that we shouldn't take anything for granted, and should express our love and feelings to loved ones now, and not wait. Lots of love to you x

Sbagran Sat 11-May-13 14:39:22

I can only echo the above posts Nansypansy on what a wonderful way of remembering. The poem is also a lovely idea and so personal.
We lost my Mum in November nearly four years ago and every year since she died we have had a family Christmas lunch in early December in her memory paid for 'by Nana' as I take it from my inheritance. All 12 of us are there - DH and I, DD, her partner and two GC, DS1 and his partner, and DS2 with DIL and two GD. I know Mum would love to see us all together.
We drink a toast Nana and we all talk about our memories and funny experiences. Two of my four grandchildren never knew her as she had died before they were born but they will grow up knowing about her!
I am so lucky in that all my family live within about a ten mile radius so this is easily achievable, but your lovely idea is great for those who are further apart and in November I may well copy your idea with the extended family and friends.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as the anniversary appears to be in the near future flowers

nanna7 Sat 11-May-13 19:22:34

What a lovely thing to do. I'm so sorry for your loss but am sure your beloved son will live forever in your heart.

Nelliemoser Sat 11-May-13 20:26:18

Nansypansy I am sorry about the loss of your son flowers Your memorial was a good idea.

On Thursday I went to the funeral of my late Mils youngest sister. They were a close family of six, with two boys and four girls, with the last two aunts not very much older than the cousins.

This aunts oldest daughter happens to be a bereavement counselor and wrote the vicars talk about her mum. This was a very funny and loving account of Auntie Ps life and exploits and all about her sense of fun and adventure.

Her daughter also provided several of the family photograph albums for the wake. I have never seen done before. Looking at these pictures of the grandparents and the other aunts and uncles at various family gatherings also helped with the happy memories.

There are only two of Auntie P's siblings left now, but lots of nieces and nephews came with bringing their children and food for the wake.
It turned about to be a real celebration of the happy parts of P's life. Very sad times but a good way of expressing the love in the family.