Beyond a joke

The shopping to her was the bad part, the coffee the treat. Coffee gives you the energy to face the rest - and quarter to twelve is perfect as you then slot in before everyone wants lunch. Her logic is different from yours, is all. I sympathise with both of you, I have to be very precise with DBH when I want to do something. Intuition is not his strong point.

Does this sort of thing happen often? Maybe it's her frustration at having to rely on you so much, coming out. You both need to sit down and talk about it sensibly, not have a sulky silence instead. I don't know how often you both get out of the house, but if she doesn't get out much, I suspect a coffee out was an anticipated treat.

Noting that you also seem to have expected her to read your mind about the right-turns. Some people think ahead about that sort of thing, others don't.

roseq

Lefthanded an apology now will certainly avoid the prolonged non-talking. And then, after a few days when things have calmed down, you should sit down with your DW and talk to her, explain how bewildered you felt and how you wish she could simply say what she wants instead of expecting you to somehow intuit her wishes. Tell her why you chose to visit Lidl first, according to the logic that you explained very clearly for our benefit in your OP.

I really do think that an apology without this conversation a few days later will achieve little; she will continue to think you're being deliberately obtuse and you will continue to be frustrated by her apparent belief that you should be able to read her mind!

Lefthanded I get this lack of communication all the time from Mr Moser who appears to exist in a parallel universe. I can rarely get a sensible direct answer to any question. He talks like a cryptic crossword.

I shop separately as much as I can.

I have a hoist fitted to my car that I can operate one handed unaided. It lifts my big scooter in and out in one piece.

Do you mean that situations like this crop up a fair bit, and you can't see them coming?

My view is that your DW should have said clearly what she wanted but, if she usually doesn't do that, it will have to be up to you to ask.

In the OP you don't mention anything being said after the 'quarter to 12' remark and before going into Lidl. It was a chance for you to ask what your DW would prefer.

Could you try to foresee this kind of thing and ask your DW, in advance, what she would like to do?

Best thing to do now? Apologise. It won't hurt you and might avoid the 3 or 4 days of not talking.

Lefthanded "I just don't understand" Why on Earth do you expect to UNDERSTAND her ?. After 52 years Mrs P's mind is still a wonder to me on occasions. Is this not the mystery of a woman's intellect, which is why we love them.

Rose

Or as DH would say:
"Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas variat"

Hope you are friends again now

Oh dear, not 3 or 4 days not speaking I hope.

An hour is long enough.

For you lefthanded!
9gag.com/gag/a2P0BvE?ref=fbp

You're just no good at mind-reading

hmm. I can see both sides.
Except I never agree with someone not speaking to another for 3 or 4 days. I think that they do it because they are so annoyed and dont trust themselves to speak. or are largely unable to sort out an argument.

When myself and DH have an argument , it always falls to me to sort it out. I realised a few years after we were married, that that was because DH just does not know how to sort them out. Which is a bit annoying, if he is the one at fault!

- Open up your laptop/tablet, whatever you use for Gransnet.
- Bring up this thread.
- Pass laptop/tablet to your OH and tell ask her very nicely to read this thread
- While she is reading it go in the kitchen and prepare her favourite snack/dinner/alcoholic beverage

Simples

Or - as Jane said, shop on line and go for a nice coffee at a nice place with a pretty view. And cake.

What Lona said - except 'do tell us' so we can all pitch in and hopefully you get it off your chest

As it has annoyed you.... what I'd do.... """I wonder do you realise how snippy you were with me today when I suggested we get our coffee in the Range? It wasn't very nice and it wasn't fair. I'm not a mind reader. Let's remember to be kind to each other and let's not waste time with hard feelings and not speaking"""

My DH does the cooking - so he food shops. Makes sense. Does your Best Beloved need to come shopping with you, or is this just a nice little outing? (Careful how you answer this!)

Why don't you just talk to her, quietly and calmly, and tell her how you feel instead of telling us?
If she gets annoyed, just tell her that you aren't psychic and if she doesn't explain what she wants, how are you supposed to know?

Have you ever asked her exactly what she wants? I realised long ago that it was no good expecting my OH to understand my way of thinking. I now tell him, even so far as to make out an itinerary, for every outing we take together. I am fortunate that he works in a supermarket, we never have to go grocery shopping together!

Ok this is a serious suggestion lefthanded

Internet shopping is your friend.
If you are reasonably well organised and shop for a whole week or two, you won't get charged for delivery.

Then you can save your outings for nice things like going out for coffee, or visiting a garden. It must be frustrating for your wife not being able to drive and depending on you to take her out.

Up to you to make sure the purpose of the expedition is clear, and there's enough time to do it, before you set off!

She doesn't drive these days, I'm afraid, but she has done in the past and should understand the right-turn thing. She is disabled and relies on me to assemble her wheelchair when we arrive at our destination and to disassemble it and stow it in the car when we return.

I am her sole carer and while I don't object to doing these jobs (I do all the cooking, cleaning, and everything else as well) I just don't understand why she can't tell me precisely what she wants rather than leaving me to guess.

The merlotgran handbook of How to Survive 40 yrs of bloody mindedness Misunderstandings states quite clearly that she should have said, 'It's quarter to twelve so we'd better go to The Range first because I'm gagging for a coffee and can't face Lidl without one'

Do a 'Basil Fawlty' from now on and keep saying things like, 'Would you like your coffee NOW, dear??'

I love The Range and we don't have one anywhere near us so I'm

I can definitely see her logic. You failed to pick up the clues - a capital offence in my book!

OH and I never ever ever ever go shopping together.

Lefthanded I am amazed that after all of those years of marriage that you cannot read her mind, shame on you! I agree with others, let her go by herself, especially if she is a driver.

The answer is to drop her off, go find a cafe , have a coffee & cake and watch the girls go by, until she is finished, then she can join you. On second thoughts that tack got me into a lot of trouble on another thread

What you describe is pretty much par for the course with us as well, I just roll with it.

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