Gransnet forums


step grandparenting

(11 Posts)
lia Sat 07-May-11 13:27:51

Hi I am a newish working step grandparent. I have a good relationship with my step daughter but would like suggestions on the do's and dont's of being a step grandparent.

HildaW Sat 07-May-11 17:47:09

Not sure there are any....bit like being a step-parent (I am)....each relationship is different. Might sound like a cop out but take your cue from your step-daughter. The fact that you are worrying a little makes you sound perfectly fit for the job. There are plenty of 'natural' Grandparents...(my father for one) who have no interest in their grand and now great grand children!

pamplemousse Sat 07-May-11 18:42:38

I have a step grandaughter.(my sons step daughter)
The only difference in our case is that she does not (will not) call me grandma. I have no problem with this as this is her choice.

artygran Sat 07-May-11 19:00:36

My son has two teenage stepsons and no children of his own. While they rightly do not regard us as grandparents, we seem to have found some common ground and have a good relationship. I think that is all you can hope for. Just be yourself, take and interest in them and let things develop at their own pace.

GrannyTunnocks Sat 07-May-11 22:01:34

If the child is young enough he or she will accept you as a grandparent. We do not treat our step grandson any different from our other grandchildren and he calls us his grandparents although sometimes he calls us by our first names.

nannym Sun 08-May-11 09:51:29

I have three step children who have five children between them. At no time was it ever suggested that I be called Granny and I was happy to accept this as I have always had a somewhat uneasy relationship with my husband's children. However, when my son's daughter was born there was no problem as far as my son was concerned with my husband being called Granddad. This could be due to the fact that my ex has had no contact with the family since he walked out over 20 years ago and indeed has no idea that he is a grandparent. By the way, my son's relationship with my husband is good, which might go some way to explaining the difference!

IssysNanny Mon 09-May-11 21:30:37

I agree with HildaW take your lead from the parents. I have an amazing daughter who from day one wanted her stepdad to be Grandad to her daughter. You can never have too many grandparents and people that love you.

granmouse Tue 17-May-11 13:32:01

I have 6 step grandchildren and 3 'blood' grandchildren.My nickname on here is what my steps call me.I say they are the grandchildren of my heart just as much as the others.I feel a deep love for them all and this has been encouraged by their parents.Their dads are my husband's sons.The only problem I have had is with my husband's daughter who lives abroad.We have become estranged and we dont even get updates on her 5 yr old boy who is autistic.My own children have no problem with my husband as Grandad to theirs.I feel very lucky to have such a gorgeous extended family and would always say I have 9 grandchildren not 3.

mollie Tue 17-May-11 16:53:22

I've just realised that technically I also have two step-grandchildren although their mum isn't really my DIL ... yet. She's the mum of my only grandchild and I love her to bits so I hope they do get round to actually getting married. She has two older children, one is still living at home and we've had meals with him but I don't know how he thinks of me as he has his own grandparents still in his life. There is an older daughter too who I have never met... and my own husband is my son's stepfather which makes him technically my grandaughter's step-grandfather but he will be grandpa when she is old enough to know the difference...gosh, isn't this complicated!!!

I will always include DIL's son in all invitations and as he's in his middle teens I try to treat him accordingly. Since the baby arrived in January we have seen more of him so I hope a friendship will develop naturally over time...I can't expect him to think of us in any particular role but nor do I want him to feel excluded. I'd like to meet the older daughter one day but have no illusions about happy families...

rosemarie Tue 17-May-11 20:00:10

I have 3 children (blood) and 2 daughters i had when i married my husband the 2 daughters gave us 5 granddaughters and 1 great grandsons, my other3 children have given us 3 grandsons not bad when i am only 53. all of them are treated equally and we are nanny and grandad to them all thier choice. unfortunatly the granddaughter all live in england and the grandsons in northern ireland so we see more of the boys. I think if you love them it does not matter wether they are your direct blood line

Eleanorre Wed 18-May-11 21:22:00

We found ourselves with three almost grown up grandchildren 10 years ago and I can say we have come to be very fond of them . I thought it was very touching when we were talking about leaving things to our children and one of them said to her dad '' just leave me J///// who is my daughter.
We recently got a grandchild through our son and one of the step granchildren asked up to please remember they were here first. They have all enriched our lives a lot.