Help me to understand

Sorry, gillybob I had got the impression that you were talking down satsun's problem, when you were really softening some posters' reaction to it.

elegran

Yes. It may not have been a big problem compared to many, but I can certainly remember not knowing what to do about small but tricky situations where I didn't want anyone to get upset but I was upset about something myself. It was sensible and brave of satsum to ask for advice and I'm very glad that responses on GN were helpful to her. The beauty of such threads is that you can read them all and decide what suits you, then act accordingly.

satsum

64 our GS called Mumeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and my DH went in. Next time he woke up he wanted Gandad, Gandad, Gandad. Didn't take him veyr long to change his loyalties!

Gilly and 64 I think we were all concerned that MiL was being made out by some GNs to be something much worse than we felt she was and were trying to tone things down a bit.

gillybob Your problems may be bigger than the one satsun is having to deal with (so are mine) but if she feels something needs addressing, then that is how she feels. No need for you to solve it for her if your attention is fully occupied elsewhere, just say briefly what you would do and then keep away.

Or even keep away without saying anything at all. I have avoided getting into several threads where I have no helpful advice to give. No-one wants to hear me say, "Oh get over it, there are worse troubles at sea"

But satsun felt boxed in by the situation and asked for our opinions. That was not making a mountain out of a molehill, it was asking how we would deal with the moles. A problem does not have to be life-threatening for it to be shared with others and for the OP to gain confidence from replies from others.

Give satsun a break.

Like gilly and others have said - it was a molehill that could have been a mountain if not addressed with a few kind words and a bit of resolve. Didn't need to become anything out of proportion as MIL clearly has her heart in the right place, and learning that grandma is not mum, and only mum will do sometimes, is something we have to accept.

Wait till little one is stood at the safety gate to her bedroom an hour after she should have been fast asleep, wailing 'want my mummee-ee-ee-ee (sob) ee-ee' and MIL won't be able to hand her over to mum fast enough!!

Thank you very much AlisonMA It is good to know that at least you understand.

I have so much rubbish going on in my life (actually I don't have much of one at at the minute) that I really can't see the point of fretting the small stuff anymore. I would move heaven and earth to avoid a confrontation and a show down.

Why make a mountain out of what was clearly smaller than a molehill and could have been easily sorted with a little bit humour and a few kind words. Family wars are started by blowing things out of proportion.

Thanks again Alison You have really cheered me up.

gilly we may be unpopular with our wish to defuse the situation but I am with you all the way.

Am just catching up having been awaySatsum well sorted, I do thing Gransnet is fabulous in these situations, providing an objective sounding board.

There was a problem, it was a gran who was not putting the needs of her GD over her own and making parents anxious!
Not a big issue but could have become one if not sorted thoughtfully and promptly dealt with. It has been and MiL still a bit raw by the sound of it but she will heal! GD and DiL happier.. and relationships all round appear in tact ...that has to be a good thing!

gilly, If satsum saw it as a problem, then it was one.

I realise that my opinions have proved very unpopular but having read satsums most recent post reiterates what I always thought. The whole thing had been turned into an issue when clearly there was never a problem.

Your child ,your decision sometimes you just have to be assertive ..and that seems to have been all that was necessary in this instant..hope you can continue to have a lovely friend in your MIL ...children get different things from different people and your little one will get so much love over many years from her Gran that it was worth getting this sorted...It may not be the only time you will need to assert yourself but you know you can now and that it can work for the best...

Bravo - and onwards and forwards. Great news.

Pleased to hear that, satsum.

High five, satsum

Fantastic! Well done.

I am so glad it has all worked out, she is a good person and you can continue your great relationship whithout angst.

satsum - there's no greater compliment than to say that in 20 - 30 years' time you will make a marvellous gran!

Good news. Thanks for letting us know!

Good for you satsum,hope it all works out

Well done, satsum. I hope your new-found confidence goes from strength to strength!

satsum well handled, it will improve

Yes, that's true Anagram. I thought about asking her why she did it. But then I thought what's the point. It might be something simple or it could be something deeper than that. Either way I just wanted it to stop.