Help me to understand

Glad it is working out so your little girl is happy. That is what was needed. Am sure MiL will appreciate it in the long run. well done!

I'm very glad it worked out well, satsum! As you've read, we all have strong opinions but it's your family and you have to work it out your way - well done!

Thanks for letting us know the outcome - much appreciated!

Thought I should provide and ending to this story. After reading your posts again and again and again, I decided to be firm and confident and invite my MIL a round for a chat. Well, it turned out that when she arrived I was so confident and empowerd by your posts; I was able to take my daughter when she was crying and then give her back when she was settled. I did this and didn't take on her emotions and it made for a nicer visit. Was she upset? Yes she was but I am sure that with time she will learn the difference between being a mother and a grandmother. Thanks gransnetters x

I agree, Annobel - I'm exhausted by the way the sympathy is swinging from DIL to MIL and back again....!

I suggest that unless/until the OP gets back to us, we now give this thread a rest! We have probably done it to death!

As far as I can recall, no member of the family offered me [as a new mother] advice or a helping hand. Although I made mistakes, I still managed a pretty good job overall.

So the mature and sensible gran takes that on board and deals with it, doesn't she? I expect most of us were a bit touchy at times in early motherhood.

My DiL takes offence at the slightest thing said in jest e.g. 'I could run off with him' has beccome 'you wanted to take my son away from me at 3 months'. 'How are you going to deal with him not eating pork when he is old enough to go to parties on his own and they might have sausages?' has become 'you want to feed my son sausages even though you don't eat them yourself'. Actually I do but not when she is around obviously.

An insecure older mum who has issues with even her own family. I just say this to point out that there are 2 sides to everything and sometimes it is actually the DiL who is being unreasonable.

soop, nope, just a bit of harmless, jokey teasing

anno,

Alternatively: '^One can't change one's feelings, perhaps, but one can change one's behaviour^'.

Bags...was that a case of oneupmanship ?

And if one may retrace one's steps a little way, in difficult situations where feelings were inclined to get the better of one, my mum used to say: You can't change your feelings, perhaps, but you can change your behaviour.

One does!

Does one Jeni?

Absolutely! One couldn't agree more! I think a goes better with one than a

One does Bags!!

Ones are jolly useful things, one finds.

I use ONE!

You seem to be thinking along the same lines as I am, happygran. All those emotions are perfectly understandable, arent they? But one does has to remember one is only the gran, not the mum, and to notice if the mum is a bit – how shall I say? – 'put out' and take a step back, so to speak. It's all about sensitivity in the end.

tongue in cheek apologies to whoever it was who didn't like the pronoun 'one' – how they do slip out!! Tut, tut!

Satsum can I ask if your MIL is still quite young?

The reason I ask is that I am still only 47 and no sign of menopause yet so could still possibly, maybe conceive another child of my own, and when I first picked up my lovely newborn grandson I felt exactly the same emotions as I did when my own babies were born, that sense of wanting to protect for ever and an almost spiritual love that is hard to explain unless you are a mum yourself, you will know what I mean lol.

I am just wondering if your mil is somehow feeling broody for a baby of her own to love and nurture and if her emotions are somehow taking her back to when her own children were babies, that she temporarily forgets that she is granny and not mummy.

Only a suggestion but I personally see how easy it could be to slip back into the mummy role.

I am, however, fully aware that my DIL is the most important person in the world to little Harry and I will never step on her toes consciously!!

Alison...it would help, wouldn't it?

What a shame we can't here what the Grandma thinks about all this. 1

And now that this baby is 8 months old, it would be good if both mum and granny got down on the floor together to play with her. This would give her another view of her GM, rather than the one who is anxious for her to appreciate her cuddles.

Sometimes grannies can be comforting - though this one evidently isn't. Is she a bit anxious to make the baby like her? And does this stress communicate itself to the child? My mum was great when DS2 was miserable, which he often was - she usually got him off to sleep with his head on her comfortable shoulder, for which I was profoundly grateful, even though we were often at loggerheads over other issues!