Are three grannies acceptable?

Quite a lot of us are "forum virgins" Goose - I'm glad that you've found words of wisdom from GN
Stay with us and let us know how things progress

Wow! thank you everyone for your messages and interesting discussions It's the first time I've ever used a forum, so I apologise for any mistakes I may have made (everything I don't know about computers I've taught myself). I feel, because of writing here and reading words of wisdom, I am able to cherry-pick some advice - points I'd not considered, and will act on them. Love can be short-sighted, but when it comes to my children and grandchildren, it's blind.

crimson - thanks crimson, now I finally know who I am but what's in a name:-) I'm not sure about a Hardy connection - it's more to do with a love of ornithology really

Apologies goose - - Good name.

Goose is a great name! There's something Thomas Hardy'ish about it....I think [but not sure why ].

Yes, that was definitely Nanban.

Phew! I'm pleased I've changed to Goose, it won't be quite so confusing

butternut don't think I've said anything on the lines of 'I would just like a day' (but I wouldn't mind a day either

That is Nanban!

Just want to be clear, Goose - Are you the nangran of I would just like a day...... - Just trying to link up the dots so to speak.

anagram I was nangran in a previous life! I changed to Goose and thought all previous nangran's would be changed accordingly (I am a bear of very little brain when it comes to the mystical world of forums). I don't know who Nanbam is! I'm pleased I changed my name, cos with all these nans/grans/bams etc, around I'm getting a bit of an inferior complex myself

It is a good idea to tell us when you change your name!

maniac OUCH. Yes, it does hurt. I sympathize with you

JessM of course you're right, it's only a word. But it's what my objecting to this use of the word has led to - being cut off from my GC, which seems very unfair punishment, this is my issue here. Using my GC as a weapon because I say something DD doesn't agree with feels, well, a bit - harsh. Will this mean if we are reconcilled that I must never disagree with anything she says/does in case she uses the same hurtful tactics? This gives her such power over me. I agree with you also that extended family members are more able to take a step back in 'explosive' family fueds, thus being seen as far more stable and distanced from the potential fall-outs, which I can understand must be an anchor in my daughter's life at the moment.

Ahhh! That explains the identity confusion. nanban is someone else altogether and hasn't yet appeared on this thread!

The OP is nangran

maniac Partly my fault:-( I decided I really didn't like the panhandle NANGRAN, so asked if I could change to a name I feel happier with - GOOSE - though I'm not sure who NANBAN is!

We seem to have a 'Nanban' and a 'nangran'/Goose. with similar problems.I'm confused.

Two of my GSs could get confused by all their GPs but seem to cope. Their mum's parents are divorced and both remarried, so on that side of the family there are Granny E and her second husband, Grandad F, Grandad J and his second wife, Granny M, plus Greatgranny. On our side there's me, Granny A, my ex, Grandad I and his wife, Grandma J. But doubt if that makes the family unique! And no, of course it doesn't matter. The more grandparental love there is, the better.

Goose, would it help you to know that as the maternal 'blood' grandmother of my grandson I don't feel I have any place in what you call the pecking order of his upbringing without the express permission of one or both of his parents? They have full responsibility for his upbringing. I am only an onlooker. Often a delighted onlooker, but an onlooker nonetheless.

Goose - are you nangran as well?

Petallus I don't really feel anything towards 'ex's partner, she's been around too long to feel anything negative over anymore. You seem to understand what I'm hurt about, ie: feeling so way down on the 'pecking order' in my grandchildren's upbringing. If I were treated with the same respect by the children as 'Ex' & SM then I wouldn't feel so pushed out. I fear that if I don't stand my ground now, then in years to come my GC's will be treating me with the same contempt as my children (who I love dearly) treat me now.

Hi whenim64 Your note leads me to realise just how quickly (or worse, slowly) relationships can disintegrate into mayhem. You're right - my hurt feelings are not a priority, but neither should DD's be! The problem is that we are failing to reach any solution or even compromise on a very thorny issue (the step-mother/granny name thing isn't the only problem). Picking the bones through everything, I think the biggest issue is that my DD and I have a (for us) huge rift that needs to be talked about, but all my efforts to talk have been rebuffed, accumulating in my GC's being withdrawn from my life, it's like they're being used as an ultimate weapon to punish me. Like in most Family Fueds there's a lot going on under the surface that more often than not is really the whole crux of the matter but is being ignored.
And, as you also point out, on paper nothing can take my parenting away from me - or them.

Yes, my grandchildren have an 'extra grandmother' in my ex-husband's partner. She is consistent and loving with them, so they all benefit

My DH is an extra grandad to my grandson, at the special request of the child's father, my daughter's partner. All three grandads are called Grandad+Firstname. As GS grows up, he'll know who is related to him by 'blood'. He'll also know who has been kind to him and shown an interest in his welfare. It hardly matters who any of these people are. What matters is how they relate to him and his parents.