denied contact

Hi amabazza I remember you and I'm delighted for you that things have improved for you since then. Thanks for returning to let us know. Like you, I and my son kept trying and he took the issue to court. We see my grandson all the time now, and he has just been on holiday with his dad and his new family. Once contact is re-established, the opportunity to strengthen those bonds can be taken, and we are all much more confident about the future. Best wishes

Hi All,
Not been on here for a while. Not sure if any of you remember me but I had a fall out with my daughter and she refused to let us see our 2 year old grandson because I couldn't get on with her husband (without going to much into it it wasn't with cause), anyway 6 months went by and like you the pain was unbearlable. I tried to end my own life.
We decided on going to court, it cost us £8k and was very traumatic.
Altho Grandpparents don't have any rights, the Judges are very much against parents using their children as weapons and wiped the floor with her. Things were very strained the whole of last year but she had another baby at Christmas which we assumed we would not be involved with but we see more of her and both grandsons than ever. The ironic things is Hubby has got worse!!.

Hang on in there, whether or not you decied to take the legal route or just send a text message like I did every week/month telling her I loved her as well as our grandson and would never giveup, I eventually got thru.

All my love

harrigran. Thank you for your message and the flowers, which I really appreciated. No, my daughter knows it was only a loan, but it is the first time I have ever had to ask for a loan to be repaid. In the past, I have always given her any money she has borrowed. I hope life is being kinder to you. You deserve them too.

Oh dear Cissie how sad. Did your DD think that she had received a gift and did not need to repay it ? Your DD is being unreasonable and needs to take a long hard look at her attitude. Cissie you deserve them.

I have been helped so much by reading what others have posted that I just had to write my own story. Like everyone else, I am devastated by what has happened. My own daughter has refused to see me or to speak to me for the past nine months. First of all, I was allowed to see my two grandsons during the school holidays but now, I am told, they will be going to their other grandparents and not to me. Until now, I have always been very close to my daughter and been there for her throughout her life - with unconditional love, loyalty, looking after my grandsons from birth so she could work and financially too, when necessary. This breakdown was caused when, due to a change in my personal circumstances, I was forced to ask for the repayment of a loan I had made to my daughter and her husband. She became hysterical and accused me of everything she could think of, including being a dreadful mother and trying to ruin her life - she even said I should sell my house. I have attempted on many occasions to reconcile things but she says she is too upset and cross to see/talk to me. The situation is getting worse and worse and I genuinely feel she is doing all she can to hurt me. I am truly heartbroken.

GreatnanYou have expressed that so well.- 'bereavement except no closure' and 'learn to put my hurt into a box I rarely open'.Thanks to you and other GNs for your support.

Mamaria - lots of us do know how you feel. It is just like a bereavement except there is no closure. At first, I lay awake night after night composing letters to my daughter and adult grandchildren, but gradually I learnt to put my hurt into a box in my mind and now I rarely open in.
My deepest sympathy and best wishes go to you.
I am lucky to have another daughter, who has also been totally cut off by her sister, and she is a great support to me. She has been able to move on and rarely thinks of them, but as a mother that is impossible to do.
It does get a little less painful. Do feel free to keep pouring out your feelings here - there will always be somebody to understand.

So sorry for every grandparent in this sad situation. There are others on here in the same boat and I am sure they will give you good advice.

It is like a bereavement, you are quite right.

Maybe this is the moment to back off a bit and let your DD sort herself out. The more you "beg" the harder she will find it to back down. Keep contact with notes through the door, a cake baked or whatever. She is likely to miss your input soon - just give her a bit of space.

Lots of good luck with this.

I've no idea how I've managed to get my message on two threads, does that mean I'm getting better on line or worse?!?

If you look on the 'no contact' thread MaMaria you will see my story, its the same as yours, I too was at the birth of both of my darling grandchildren and I too felt just like you when I was shut out 5mnths ago, I haven't seen them since and I too had said or done nothing wrong to either my daughter or my s.i.l

mamaria how devastated you must feel. I am always sad when I read these stories. I agree that backing off might take away the power your daughter has over you. Hopefully she will then realise what she and your grandchildren are missing by not having you in their lives. I hope things sort themselves out for you soon.

So sorry to hear your storyFlowerofthewest
My children's father left us when the littlest was just 3yrs old (the one we are having problems with now), we were in a foreign country, he left for another women. He never paid any maintenance from the day he left to now, the next winter after he left, he came round with a new cashmere coat and new shoes, I asked him to buy the children new winter coats as they had outgrown last years, and he just said "no" (no benefit payments there, so I had little money, apart from some sent by my family in the UK).
But even with all this I always let him see the children, as I knew it would hurt them as much as it would hurt him, and I never stopped his side of the family seeing the children. Consequently we are all still friendly, I went on a cruise with my s.i.l and m.i.l 2yrs back and went on a spa w/e the week before Easter with my s.i.l, friend and my daughter, and we quite often have Xmas dinner together!
I'm not too friendly still with my ex, but then he does live on the other side of the world now. He did make a surprise appearance at my son's graduation and my daughters wedding, which to be honest I wasn't happy about, as he'd never been there for them both financial or physically, but I kept quiet so as not to spoil their big days

mamaria How AWFUL for you. maxgran has put my thoughts into words. Patience may be the key to a satisfactory outcome. I'm sending you positive vibes. Keep strong.

Join the club.

Oh I am so sorry hunni. There is nothing I can say to help you feel better but sending you a hug

That is so sad.

It must be very difficult,.. but time may heal this and it may be best to 'back off' - don't be begging and pleading. If you had such an important role in their lives - and were at the birth of them both then your daughter will surely realise at some point that you are needed in their lives.
Hop eit all works out.

thankyou

mamaria if you go to the denied contact thread that is up and running, you will find some people on there who are in similar circumstances and there is mutual support for this awful situation that so many grandparents experience.