Gransnet forums


and so the pain continues

(17 Posts)
hopefulnanny Sun 30-Sep-12 13:39:07

Hi all.
Thanks for all you support last time I posted with regards to missing my dear Grandson who lives in Australia. I had mentioned how we were planning their visit in March and hiring a hall to celebrate our DGS first birthday.Unfortunately life events have taken another turn. Our DD is pregnant again which is lovely but this now means that she cannot make the journey home in march and will n ot get home next year at all. I cant tell you how devastated we all are. I am trying to put a positive spin on it but it is causing me so much upset . I know it is wonderful news but I also know this means that our chances of seeing her get less and less. We are contemplating a visit after the new baby is born next year but we have to consider my disabled son and the journey effects on his welfare. I just feel like it will never end. All this heartache . I honestly cant see how we can ever be part of their family in the true sense. As I mentioned before her in laws are able to get out there annually and are planning to go out to help before and after the birth. I know that is great as I could not do it due to committments here but it is also so hard to hear. I always imagined grandchildren would be a huge part of my life but it seems it is not to be.
Thanks for listening

absentgrana Sun 30-Sep-12 13:56:25

hopefulnanny I do understand how hard it is to be separated from your daughter and grandchild by so many thousands of miles as I am in the same position. I am not trying to hurt your feelings but when she visits the UK she isn't coming home. Her home is in Australia now. She has left this country and has new responsibilities, commitments and priorities. It is part of the role of parents to slip down the pecking order over the years. To be brutal, you are no longer her main priority or the most important person in her life, just as I am not in my daughter's. No doubt you are still a massively important and much loved mum, but things change as life goes on. It is probably wiser to stop worrying about how you are going to figure in her life and that of your grandchildren in the future – which you wouldn't know for sure even if they lived next door to you – and simply concentrate on keeping in touch now and planning that precious time, however far distant, when you can be together. If your daughter is anything like mine, she will tell her children about you and her life with you and have lots of photographs around the house. (My grandchildren say goodnight to a photograph of Mr absent and me. Brings tears to my eyes, but it is also reassuring.)

Greatnan Sun 30-Sep-12 13:58:05

Perhaps this could be linked to the first post, so we can all remember what encourgement and advice we have already given.

glammanana Sun 30-Sep-12 14:01:20

Such lovely news and such sad news all at the same time hopeful do you have skype so you can stay in visual contact I know it is no where near the same as being there but at least your DGS will see you and look forward to your virtual visits.Don't let the travel put you off with regards to your son the airlines are so so helpful and go out of their way to make the trip pleasent.Feel proud of yourself for backing them in the decision to make their life in another country the letting go must be very hard but they will always thank you for helping them make the decision to enhance their

soop Sun 30-Sep-12 14:02:12

hopefulnanny I'm so sorry for you. You were planning for a wonderful reunion and must have felt so elated at the prospect of a visit from your family. Now that your dream has evaporated, it is natural to feel a sense of disappointment...even in the light of news that a new grandchild is expected. In your position, I would feel exactly as you do. I wish that I could say something to make you feel less sad. We're here for you whenever it is you want to get things off your chest. We'll be here for you when, in time, you'll have something marvellous to celebrate. flowers

glammanana Sun 30-Sep-12 14:04:53

Such wise words soop

hopefulnanny Sun 30-Sep-12 23:14:20

Thanks for all your support and comforting words and especially big thanks to soop and glammanana. I wish I were emotionally stronger but life is such a roller coaster at the moment. But I will try to stay positive and start working on some dvds and photo books to send out for xmas. Myself, my oH , my son and dad are all going away for a few days to suffolk so hopefully this will be a welcome break and give me time to reflect and to work on new ways to deal with the seperation,
Thanks again and I will stay in touch

Joan Sun 30-Sep-12 23:31:32

hopefulnanny On a question of practicalities, my old linguistics professor Roly Sussex moved 1000 miles away from his little grandchildren, but keeps in touch by reading them bedtime stories on skype. He buys two copies of each book, one for him and one for the little one, then their Mum perches them in front of the computer with their book, and Roly reads them the story.

Skype is there for all of us, and it is free. All you have to do is decide on a time when both sides are online.

We moved from Yorkshire to Australia with our new baby - it must have been awful for Mum and Dad but we had to put the child's future first. It was 1979 and the Thatcher woman had just been elected. Nuff said about that. We had another boy in 1982.

Mum visited twice: 1984 and 1988, so our lads have good memories of their Gran.

Greatnan Mon 01-Oct-12 08:09:40

hopeful - your daughter loves you and keeps in contact - I envy you. Just read the 'Denied Contact' threads and you will realise how lucky you are. Emotional separation is much worse than geographical separation. You have been given some very practical advice about how to keep in touch and I know from my own experience that it is quite possible to have a lovely relationship with your grandchildren, and in my case great-grandchildren, even if you see them very rarely. I think it is important that you do not let any of your pain be obvious to your family - it will only upset them and they really are doing their best to keep everybody happy.
I hope you have an enjoyable break and come back with new renewed determination to look at the good things in your life - happy and healthy grandchildren who will be taught to know and love you.

elana909 Mon 11-Feb-13 14:58:11

Hi, I'm new to the site and keep seeing the mention of looking at the denied contact thread. Can somebody direct me as to where this is as I can't seem to find it, thankyou

glammanana Mon 11-Feb-13 15:17:39

elana909 Go and click on Forums at top of this page the go to the Relationships section you will find "Denied Contact" in that section. Best of luck.glamma x

Faye Mon 11-Feb-13 19:48:36

hopefulnanny you must be missing your daughter and anxious to see your grandchildren. Would it be possible to make the journey on your own, when there are no other visitors staying at your daughter's house. That way you could spend time with your daughter and grandchild/grandchildren without other interruptions. Also Skype and FaceTime are wonderful to be able to see your grandchildren. Best wishes flowers

Yogagirl Mon 20-May-13 17:44:24

Ah, poor hopefulnanny, I do feel sorry for you, as the others have said, you can use skype, what I would give to be able to see my beloved gc on skype!! Its a good idea of Fayes, to go on your own, that would be wonderful!

nanaej Mon 20-May-13 18:02:14

Hi hopeful I did not see the other thread re your situation so am not sure what disability your son has that prevents him from traveling. But I agree that perhaps you should plan a trip for you to go and visit a couple of months after the new baby arrives. If your son needs care I am sure that respite or temporary carers can be arranged. Hope you can enjoy skyping meanwhile.

annodomini Mon 20-May-13 18:47:59

As the OP was nearly eight months ago, perhaps hopefulnana could up-date us on her decisions. smile

hopefulnanny Sun 13-Oct-13 01:33:58

Hi everyone
How strange that I came across this . I have just put a post in. We did get to finally visit. In fact just returned from Australia. Was lovely to see the grandchildren and the 18month old was so at ease which proves Skype really does help. However my daughter was another thing altogether. Am feeling pretty sad about how she was . Emotionally distant and it made the trip quite uncomfortable especially as they had moved to a new house and asked us to stay with them . I think you will see my post. Any advice appreciated when you have read it,
Hope you are all well
Best wishes

hopefulnanny Sun 13-Oct-13 01:36:40

the post is in the being a long distance granny section x