Please help! would you drive an hour to mind your grandchildren?

Nan ban and maniac how I heartily agree if only !

Before our rift I happily agreed to mind our little granddaughter once week 90 mile round trip and got used to difficult drive at my daughters insistence !

I am not in the position a lot of you find yourselves in , but i do feel for you as it can be very tiring looking after toddlers . It is a young womans game basically .

We go to Bournville to see family quite a lot , but the parents are there except when they pop off for a weekend and we have the "nips " to ourselves , which is nice for us and them .

On a weekly basis though , I wonder if it would be the same ?

it is relentless Muttimama I do agree! as said previously I look after my GS 2 days per week. While I'm there I clear up the kitchen, sort washing, cook meals occasionally for the little one and even do cleaning. I know my daughter is grateful but she also seems a bit jealous of my relationship with my GS and annoyed with me for being efficient in domestic matters (which she isn't).
I love looking after the little boy but I do also feel, as you do, that there is a lot of giving which seems eventually to be taken for granted.

The comments on this thread are very positive! I'm afraid I have a less positive take on things.
I look after my DGD, 20 months now, 3 days a week, and have to stay with DD and her partner 2 nights as they are 70 miles away. Of course I love our DGD to bits and its lovely sharing her early years like this, but its HARD WORK and while I'm having a peripatetic life there's no freedom to spend with my DH who is running the home ship alone. It feels like time spent apart from him now is too precious sometimes!
My own mother is nearish my DD so I visit her for one of the evenings for a meal (40mile round trip) which kills 2 birds with 1 stone as I normally wouldn't see her as much. She lives independently and is fit and well at 89.
However all this GIVING is pretty wearing! Also I cook a meal for DD's family (and me!) one night, having bought all the food etc, also take pudding to my mother for our meal the next night. I also pay for activities with DGD. I feel guilty that its my DH who is funding all this, and he is on his own at home! He does come with me once in a while, but DD's house is small, there's more catering, and there seems even more to do! And the home ship contains a dog, 2 cats, 4 hens and a demanding veg plot, all too difficult to abandon easily.
Now my DD is talking about settling permanently near her partner's parents (even further away). I just wish she wanted to come nearer to us! A lot nearer!
Is there anyone else out there who sometimes feels equivocal about all this giving? or am I just a selfish so and so!

I walk to and from school to collect my granddaughters twice a week - 30 minutes each way. We play memory games, such as "my aunt went to market", on the way home so that the walk seems shorter.

This weekend, the one-year-old is going to be included in the sleepover at grana's while mummy and daddy get on with getting their brand new house ready to move into it. I have some trepidation about this.

it is brilliant being closely involved but just occasionally the responsibility weighs heavily. Trying to make sure my GS is fed properly and sleeps at the right time and doesn't fall over and hit his head now that he's 'toddling'-sometimes he seems so vulnerable and trusting it is scary to be looking after him.
It's not the same somehow when its your own children you just take the care for granted and only have yourself to answer to. This week I felt so bad when I didn't notice his dirty nappy in time to stop him from getting 'burnt' by it! you really beat yourself up over any little mistake when you're a grandparent doing the minding.
Even so I look forward to every day with my GS and know that my DD appreciates me.

Nana01 - I do hope your DD is well again soon - well done for taking on the GC - I am sure it is greatly appreciated.

Nanban - your post is so sad. Sending love and kind thoughts.

I am privileged to see lots of my GC, especially the 3 who live locally; but I do feel sad that they are forking out for childcare. I had hoped that we would be able to play our part, but my lack of mobility and my OH's PD make that impossible at the moment. It must be lovely to be so closely involved in their care.

Speldnan you must do what you feel is best for you and the child. My preference is that if the mother has to go back to work for whatever reason then the child is better off with a family member and who better than their grandmother but it must be your choice. I would travel any distance to look after my grandaughters if required to but we each have different circumstances to live with. I am sure you will do what you feel to be right and best wishes to you.

Nana01 - sending you and your family very best wishes. Your situation doesn't bear thinking about, hopefully things will improve for you very soon

Best wishes to you Nana01. I hope the situation soon improves for you all.

Nana01, what a difficult time for all of you. Your family is lucky to have you there but must be terribly worried about your DiL. Good wishes for her recovery.

I have been in Dubai (from SA) for two weeks now looking after my granddaughter of 5 years and grandson of 2 years whilst my daughter in-law is in hospital (in a critical condition). We do have assistance and so far, things seem fine with the children. I fetch and carry my granddaughter to school everyday which is an hour round trip. She could go by bus but during this difficult time prefer to fetch and carry. Thank goodness for air-conditioning. We are taking it one-day at a time...

I work on Monday and Tuesday then travel a 160 mile round trip once a fortnight to look after grandchildren - one daughter's 2 girls on Wednesday and other daughter's 2 boys on Thursday. So to cut down on fuel costs I stay overnight. My husband does the same alternate weeks. Yes its tiring but more than worth it. We have loved sharing the childrens' ealy years and have built a really strong bond with them all. That's even more important as the boys are moving to Barbados for 4 years so visits are going to be less frequent but I'm retiring so that we can visit often.

Yes, would love too.....

I did about 45 mins travelling into Bristol to do the baby minding once a week but have to say I was relieved when they moved to be closer to us. It can be tiring and difficult over winter but so worth it to be with the grandchildren.

As others have said you need to talk it over with your daughter, have contingency plans and do a trial. The decision should be between you and your daughter. Good luck.

Nanban How I agree and feel for you.I too would travel many miles to look after my GS.over 2 years since I was able to do so though he only lives a mile away.

so sorry Nanban... I appreciate every minute with my grandson, knowing how lucky I am.

I would drive to the ends of the earth for just the chance to look at our grandchildren - if only we knew which end of the earth they occupied.

Enjoy yours for me.

Is it feasible for you to help out on just one day, or does the nursery stipulate a minimum number of days? You say that your daughter is reluctant to leave the baby with anyone other than family, but surely she realised that if she has to return to work then some sort of arrangement would have to be made for child care. Whilst you obviously want to help, it should not be expected of you.

It is tiring looking after a young child on your own, plus having to travel back and forth.

Is your partner willing to help at all - go with you and maybe help a bit?

We enjoyed looking after our granddaughter 4 days a week, (and would still be happy to do so if our son and his partner had not had to move), but it was a joint enterprise. I would have found it tiring managing entirely on my own.

Don't you just love the air of triumph when they take those first steps!
when, haven't those twins made tremendous progress! What strong little girls they are.

Speldnan fantastic! One of my twin grandaughters has taken her first steps today, too! I'm hot-footing it over there in the mornng to enjoy watching her

Yes indeed, Speldnan!

I witnessed my GS's first steps today while on minding duties (much to my daughter's chagrine!) not only that, we were on the Ipad talking to the little one's Great Grandparents so they saw it too! indeed I think my GS was showing off to us all as he was so excited by his achievement!
makes the effort worthwhile!

Maybe you could do it for a time while your grandson is so small. Could you stay overnight or anything for the second day?
We babysit our grandson for a few days each half term and holiday. It's a five hour journey but not too frequent. It is quite tiring and he is school age.

speldan I am pleased you are enjoying the time with your DGS, it does get easier as they get older