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Not sure what to do.. help!!

(16 Posts)
tanith Mon 07-Jan-13 12:32:22

I've written about our delight at the news we'll have a new grandchild next year, my son and girlfriend are expecting. The told us the news on Friday night having been in the UK for Christmas and New Year it was the first time we'd met her although they have been together 18mths and have bought an apartment together abroad where they live an work.
Well it was such a suprise and we were all beaming and happy about the news but they were busy packing and getting an early flight home on Saturday morning so we hardly had time to express our joy let alone ask questions and as we only just met I didn't feel I could ask too many questions about how things were going with the pregnancy etc.. we are strangers to her after all.
She is such a nice girl and they are obviously so in love but now I feel like I maybe made her feel that it wasn't that big a deal her being pregnant, she did say 'another grandchild on the way', (we have 7 already) but of course its a big deal , and I need to convey my feelings to her and my son..

So Grans do you think I should write to her or to both of them and what should I say? I'm not good at expressing my emotions I'm afraid although I did blub a little when we hugged at the airport . I'd be grateful for any input because I feel like I let them down .

gracesmum Mon 07-Jan-13 12:39:12

A card or similar just to repeat your congratulations, perhaps, saying how happy you are for them both, but not anything too specific like questions . I'd play it by ear for starters. flowers congratulations to you too!

Movedalot Mon 07-Jan-13 12:40:52

Yes of course you should write or skype. You have nothing to lose and can explain that it took a little while for everything to sink in. Her hormones may be all over the place and she might need lots of reassurance - go for it!

glassortwo Mon 07-Jan-13 12:44:51

tanith you have not let them down, presenting you with the news as they were more or less backing out of the door did not give you time for the news to register.

I would send a letter to them both and mention how pleased you are with the news and that the baby wont just be no 8 but will be as special to you as the others. Congratulation on another

Nelliemoser Mon 07-Jan-13 12:52:56

I am sure its not so easy when its a virtual Dil and you don't really know her. When my daughter rang to tell me she was pregnant I said Oh that's wonderful and promptly burst into tears! DD did understand I was delighted, a person you don't know so well might not.

Its a hard one, perhaps a card with a note saying how pleased you are and is she well etc?

specki4eyes Mon 07-Jan-13 13:02:48

oh yes definitely send a note or a card saying how thrilled you are and apologising if you had given the impression of being casual. Or how about a nice email saying above and asking her to email the scan photo (always thrilling moment) and offering any help or support she may need? don't worry Chuck - you will get to know her better over the coming months!!

janeainsworth Mon 07-Jan-13 14:23:45

tanith Firstly congratulations smile. It's difficult when you don't know your son's partner that well - my DDiL is American and we had only met her twice before the wedding. She's quite shy so it has taken a long time to build the relationship.
I echo what others have said - tell them how thrilled you are and if it's a possibility, why not offer to stay with them after the baby is born to help out, if that would be appropriate, at whatever stage they would like? Obviously this would need to be done tactfully as there's a fine line, I have learned, between 'helping' and interfering' smile
Although DDil's parents live only aboput 20 miles away from them, we were invited to go when our DGD was 3 weeks old - we stayed for a fortnight and I did everything from cooking meals, shopping, washing & ironing, and even getting up to give bottles in the middle of the night and DS and DDil really appreciated it.
And of course I fell in love with DGDsmile

moomin Mon 07-Jan-13 14:46:09

Personally tanith I'd send a card addressed to them both with excitement and good wishes for the pregnancy, birth and welcoming a new grandchild into the family. I wouldn't apologise for seeming to be indifferent or whatever it is you feel you may have conveyed, just concentrate on how positive your feelings are, ask to be kept up-to-date with the exciting developments and offer any help needed when the time comes.


glammanana Mon 07-Jan-13 14:59:08

tanith how wonderful for you all congradulations on the good news another baby in the family for you I am so envy.
I would just write a note saying how wonderful it was to meet her and how happy you all are to hear their good news and if she needs you tell her not to hesitate and tele/e-mail/skype you.

Ella46 Mon 07-Jan-13 15:00:07

I'm with moomin and congratulations! sunshine

Marelli Mon 07-Jan-13 15:01:13

What lovely news, tanith! I think I'd send a card to them both. You can still convey in words the emotions that you didn't have time to pull together on the day, and it's something they can keep.

tanith Mon 07-Jan-13 15:12:50

Thanks everyone for the encouragement , I will look for a nice card and put a note inside too as you've all said to congratulate again and tell them how thrilled we are.. she has an extensive family (Spanish/Gibraltarian) plus Mum and Dad living closeby so not sure how welcome help from me will be but I'll offer all the same.
Showing the scan photos was how they broke the news , with son handing a folded piece of paper saying you ought to take a look at this.. a wonderful full profile pic of a precious baby. A wonderful moment we all shared they looked so excited to be telling us , the reason it was so late in the visit was because she wanted to tell her Mum first before telling us (in case it got blabbed on FB) so they'd travelled up to Scotland for Hogmanay and then back to us just for the one night, so I do understand why it was last minute..

Its going to be hard to get to know her at a distance and of course her own Mother will be on hand at the time of the birth which I fully understand having been with my own daughters at that time.. a girl wants her Mum around..

Thanks for the good wishes and the input I knew I'd get excellent suggestions here.

juneh Sun 20-Jan-13 12:51:23

Sometimes knowing the best thing to do makes decisions difficult doesn't it? I think sending them a message expressing you joy at another grandchild. One can never have too many, also expressing how you are looking forward to getting to know your son's partner .

Grannyknot Sun 20-Jan-13 17:05:32

tanith you should write and explain it as you do in your OP! My DD got engaged last weekend and her fiancee's parents live in Australia, so the best I could do was write an email to his folks (we've never met them) and I received a lovely long email in reply from his mum, in which she (amongst other things) started to suggest all sorts of things for the wedding, and then backtracked saying 'Oh, no, I only have sons, not sure how it works with mums and daughters, so sorry if it seems I am intruding and if you want to keep it all to yourselves, but I am just so excited'! Because she expressed her feelings so naturally, and didn't delete it all from the email (which she could so easily have done) I could completely understand where she was coming from. Not that I would have minded anyway.

Grannyknot Sun 20-Jan-13 17:07:06

... and of course, congrats! What a lovely way to find out. We also had to co-ordinate who was told when so as not to have it all blabbed on facebook and the news reaching some of the Australian family before they had officially been told.

j07 Sun 20-Jan-13 17:09:53

I think the blubbing at the airport most likely said it all.

I wouldn't fuss. Would just continue usual correspondence, plus asking how things are going.