Gransnet forums


Effect of divorce on my GC

(5 Posts)
plinkplonk Thu 07-Feb-13 13:25:38

I don't usually post but I couldn't think of a better way of getting good advice. My son and daughter-in-law have announced that they are to divorce. I am very upset by this but at the same time can see that they are not happy and that it is probably better to do it now than wait until they can't stand the sight of each other. They have said that they will do all they can to help the children through it but I would love advice on what I can do to help - particularly as I don't want to be see to take sides (I am very fond of DIL) The children are 4, 6 and 9.

floribunda Thu 07-Feb-13 13:29:44

Sorry to hear that pinkplonk. I am in a similar situation myself - although in my case it is my daughter and my son-in-law has left her for someone else which makes it harder to stay positive and upbeat about it all being for the best. Obviously he is still the children's father (and he is a good father even if a lousy husband) but I don't want to upset my daughter by going on about this - but I do want to help my GC through it all and to retain a relationship with him. I'm at a loss to be honest so will be interested to see what advice you are offered and will hopefully gain something from it myself

specki4eyes Thu 07-Feb-13 14:03:42

My darling GCs are going to be told about their parents' divorce this weekend and I am distraught at the thought of the impact it will have on them. I can't be there for them, making it doubly worse. I too will be waiting to see wise words from other Gnetters.

HildaW Thu 07-Feb-13 14:13:25

Not been through this but from experience of living with parents who were not happy together I do remember adoring the safe haven my Grandmother gave me. She never really interferred just let me 'be' at her house. She would let me moan on and on and then produce tea and cake. It was just the right approach for me.

nanapug Thu 07-Feb-13 15:05:46

My DD divorced her OH when her son was two and a half, in a way it was harder as he was too young to understand the reason, which now at seven he does. However the best advice I can offer is to make sure both you and they NEVER say any thing against the each other. My DD and her ex have been very hot on this, and it is all very civilised and I think this helps a lot. I always say to my GS when he goes off for the weekend with his Dad "have a lovely time " and ask him if he had a good time, and then listen to his stories when he gets back and comment positively. It is terribly hard when he cries for his Daddy, and we are very aware that he may well choose to go and live with his dad when he gets older, which is distressing. I just make sure I tell him how much we love him and when he cries agree that it is hard.
The other thing my DD and her ex always does is to be very flexible about the times he is at his Dad's house to suit every one so that it fits in with my GS's clubs, friends, parties, holidays etc. This makes it easier for my GS I feel as it is all more relaxed.
They actually live with us so I can give him plenty of love and be there for him and also he has my OH as a male role model, which is helpful too.
I feel for you plinkplonk, especially when the papers are full of all the ideas about how divorce affects children. I am not convinced that it has to affect them badly if it is handled well xx