Tantrums

I must say our own children were well behaved, and I only remember a couple of tantrums from DS aged about 3-4.So, I was lucky. However, the DGS1 and DG2 are another matter.Distraction does work, and so does saying anything but NO [ I realise we have to say it sometimes though] but we'll see, or maybe later, or something of that nature helps.Or you could say, 'No, because.........' but once the full blown tantrum happens, it is a dilemma.Walking away [a little way] may help, I suppose each child is different, but you have to find a way for them to come round with some 'dignity' still left, give them a way to get back to normal.It's tiring for Grandmas when everything becomes a battle though, isn't it?

My youngest two grandchildren are rather prone to tantrums. I do try to pre empt them with a distraction. I clap my hands or point to the sky and say "wow look at that" it works but you have to be very quick. I'm a very indulgent Nanna but I will not be blackmailed by tantrums. I walk away to a distance where I can see them and sit down looking completely unconcerned. They can be very determined but not as determined as me. Eventually they get bored and creep over to me. I simple ask them if they are "o.k now" hold their little hands and move on. I generally get a kiss on the hand and I bend down and we both have a nice cuddle. It can be very wearing though. Last week my grandson had 6-7 in one day. I didn't give in and he still said at the end of our outing' I don't want to go to mummy's house I want to go to nanna's house' so he still loves me.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to call a "pow wow" between all of you. You could explain that your grandson's tantrums are causing you concern and you are worried he may hurt himself.

It is really important that all those involved in the care of a child follow roughly the same rules and you need have a non-blaming conversation between you in order to sort out why these tantrums are happening and how you are going to work together in the future to deal with them.

I think my grandson is getting very mixed messages about his tantrums. His mother tries to reason with him, his other grandparents give in to him, and I say no to him. Any suggestions?

I also find I am not physically strong enough now to hold him if he has a tantrum outside where he could hurt himself.

He's far too cute, Elegran. He's building sand castles in Egypt. A well deserved holiday for a hard working mummy.

That ploy won't work, then!

Elegran A few months ago, I was about to read the Wee Man his bedtime storyies when he became very fidgety and kept looking anxiously towards the window. Finally, he got out of his bed and ran to the cutain, behind which, was a kitchen timer. He said, 'I don't want this...' and took it back to the kitchen. He returned to bed and snuggled against me, all soft and warm and sleepy-eyed.

I have started a thread on the psychology of attention. This can apply very well to tantrums and sulks. And other things.

There's some really good ideas here, which I would have found helpful years ago. nanapug I really like the approach you suggest re empowerment - and especially agree about "picking your battles". Wish I'd had had the sense to do that when my daughter was a teenager - I made a big issue about everything and in the end, understandably, she just "tuned out".

On the tantrums front - I think there are different sorts of tantrums. Sometimes it's just I want that and I'm going to kick up hell till I get it - best ignored. Other times, when the reason for the tantrum is ridiculous and trivial, I think it might be caused by tiredness, feeling unwell or being upset about something (I find picking up and a big cuddle often helps). Do you think he's getting a good night's sleep?

It's exhausting coping with tantrums and if the situation couldn't be resolved I too wouldn't feel able to carry on helping.

If it is something that can be timed, a kitchen timer set to go off a few minutes before the deadline sometimes works. Then it is not grandma's fault to be rebelled against, grandma is having to obey the clock too. Time and tide and all that.

I always give the little GC notice about what is going to happen and when and then remind them its now 5 minutes before PJs go on.. and if there are then any 'tantrums' or objections, I ignore it, however, the PJs go on regardless ;)

That sounds like a very effective parental strategy, terri

*throw

Harrigran - couldn't agree more - arggghhh - do people really breed kids like this? (rhetorical question). However, the earlier one of the toddler had me laughing! Just to add to what I said earlier, though, my other two DID know how to through tantrums, although as toddlers they were short-lived. As teenagers, it was quite another matter......

My eldest has never really got the hang of throwing tantrums - it's not her nature, either now at 27 yrs old, or when she threw one at the age of 3. What stopped the 3 yr old attempt to rebel against having a bath was to tell her that the bathroom window was open and all her friends were outside and listening. It was the equivalent of turning off the radio - we didn't see much in the way of rebellion ever again!

A piece of advice that I have always remembered from one of Penelope Leach's books was to think very carefully before saying "No". If you say no about something that doesn't really matter you are much more likely to give in faced with the convoluted arguments culminating in a full blown tantrum. Limiting the use of No underlines its importance when you do use it and, hopefully, you will not be worn down by days of endless arguments and so more able to enforce it.

Now that DGD1 has seen her sister in a tantrum it has stopped hers!

That video clip is vile, I would be ashamed to have a child/grandchild so spoilt.

With my GS (just gone 3) its not tantrums but huffs ! Anything he doesn't like the arm comes up and he covers his eyes and lets out huge sighs. If there is a wall anywhere near he will lean against it too. He eventually comes around but can be awkward depending on where you are. I have taken photos of him in one of his huffs and when I show them to him he even says grandma that is me in my huff

But did her trantrum work?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbPvE7miKpY

Some parents.......................

Of course some people take a lot longer to grow out of it, such as this little darling

www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5jxvEs3hYk

I really like the phrase "picking your battles" too olliesgran. My DD has to remind her OH to do that frequently as he goes in to nag mode and nags at everything.

I gave that book to my daughter and SiL Snoozy. It's funny as well as helpful

Our toddler grandson could be quite challenging and someone recommended that we read the book "Divas and Dictators". One suggestion from the book was to give at least 6 bits of praise for every bit of criticism. That really worked for us. We gave lots and lots of praise for good behaviour (no matter how trivial!) and he did seem to respond to it. We felt better too and enjoyed looking after him more.

I think most schools would raise an eyebrow if children turned up in pyjamas. Children have to learn that life isn't always fair and sometimes you have to do things just because you must.