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I know the answer but ......

(2 Posts)
Flowerofthewest Tue 02-Apr-13 23:33:45

My DS and his wife are expecting their first baby in the autumn. It is wonderful new and we are all thrilled. He has two teenage children who he has been a fantastic parent to - having them week about with his first partner since they were babies. It has worked well and the children are fantastic and well adjusted.

My problem is that his lovely wife is the daughter of my best friend who sadly passed away 17 years ago. I have known my DIL since she was a 'bump' and love her to bits although we all lost contact when my friend died and only renewed contact when the two got together. This baby is much wanted but I am aware that she has no mother and will miss this dreadfully when the baby comes. I want to give as much support as is needed but don't want her to think I am trying to take the place of her mum. I want to offer my help in a practical way but don't want her or my DS to think I am interferring in any way as there is no other granny to support or be there. She has a wonderful sister but she lives many miles away and a great brother who is married with a lovely family. My DS and wife will be moving about 10 minutes walk from us in the summer. I am just not sure how to handle this as she is very sensitive about not having her mum around, she was only 17 when my DDF passed away. She is a very independent girl with a great career, she has almost brought herself up since her mum died and I am so proud of her. They are both proud people and I know they will make wonderful parents. My son is a very hands on dad and will only be working round the corner from their new home so will probably pop in every lunch time anyway. I just don't want to step on their toes in any way. Just want to help out where and when I can. That doesn't necessarily mean grabbing the baby. I have a lot of experience of new mums (with almost 11 grandchildren) and have always only given advice when asked for it. I never offer advice and never interfere in my grown childrens' lives. I respect them too much for that.

glammanana Tue 02-Apr-13 23:46:11

Flower she is very lucky to have a MIL like you who can understand that you need to give them plenty of space and time to themselve's,your son sounds delightful and caperable as a dad so she will have his reassurance also in the first few days,I would speak with your DS about her maybe being sad as to her mum not being around and tell him you are available when ever she feels she needs any help,then stand back and enjoy your new arrival envy