Teenage drinking

Thank you all so much - I feel reassured and better able to make suggestions to my daughter.

I think testing out is a natural part of growing up and having that first drink is a bit of a "right of passage" . I think I was 16 when I accompanied my new work pals to the pub one Friday afternoon. They were drinking cans of "Breaker" (can you still get that?) which was very strong lager. I had one can which was disgusting although I didn't have the common sense to leave it (showing off) and felt quite ill. The hardest part was getting home and into the house without attracting any unusual attention as my dad would have had a fit!

I know of 3 of my 4 children getting drunk enough to need looking after by friends at that age. They haven't gone on to have a drink problem, and all are responsble adults in their 30s now. They only told me how drunk they had been years later. This, despite all the information-giving and dinner table conversations about controlling alcohol use.

The only incident that did cause me concern was when one of my sons went clubbing with uni friends at the age of 19. They drank some shots and a lager, and when they got outside my son felt ill. They tried to get back in the club with him, but the doorman took a look at him and refused them entry, so just one went back in to get him a soft drink. His stomach reacted and next thing he was on the pavement, so his friends asked for help. Both ambulance and police car arrived, but because he had red stains down his shirt front, they plumped for the ambulance.

An hour later, I received a phone call from the mother of one of his friends, saying can you come to A and E, he will be ok but needs you to bring him home. She had been brought to the hospital because my son kept saying 'please don't tell my mum, she'll go mad!' I arrived and was horrfied to see my blood-stained son on a bed, protesting he was ok and very, very sorry. The bloodstains were tomato juice, thank goodness. The doctor came along, clipped him round the ear and told him next time they would pump his stomach!

It gets brought up every now and again, if he pontificates about anyone else drinking too much as a teenager.

I think all young people do it once. Sometimes parents find out, sometimes they do not.

What matters is that he learns from the experience. As a grandparent, I would be inclined to avoid rubbing salt into the wound - as you mention, his parents are providing the "cross" factor. Disappointment, plus a gentle comment ....perhaps that everyone has done it at some point, and smart people learn the lesson.... will be far more effective than more anger, from a grandparent .

granof6 At 15 he will be listening to his piers and trying to impress but as he has found out it doesn't work very well does it? I have been there with my two boys,your DGS may have not had much to drink but he may have mixed a few hense him being so poorly you may find he does not go down that route again,if it's any consulation my boys now keep a distance from having too much to drink DS1 if he drinks more than 2 glasses of beer he can talk fluent "Russian" and DS2 goes to sleep.

At the end of the day SOME young people will drink. Is is not a given that teenagers will all get drunk and I get a bit fed up of hearing it. I am not naive, nor do I wear rose coloured spectacles, yet I know very many teenagers who are horrified by the drinking habits of some of their peers. My sons never got even remotely drunk in their teens and they are far from unique. One of my daughters did, once. She never did it again and there were particular circumstances that led to her being drunk in the first place.

Back to the OP. Express your feelings and remind him that he does have choices when it comes to how much alcohol he consumes, but really I think it's probably down to his parents to talk to him about his drinking habits.

The fact he was sick will help him not want to repeat it in a hurry.. but lest be honest, an awful lot of us were drinking at that age - in the 1970's

It's important just to let them know that you don;t need to drink to have a good time, and that being drunk can lead to really bad decision making...

I think the way to go is advisory rather than angry. Have you got any stories from your own teenage years of awkward situations caused by alcohol that you could use as examples of things we all grow out of, taking the attitude that we all do stupid things sometimes. If you're lucky this may put him off for quite a while. Our friend's daughter made herself horribly ill on greek brandy on a family night out and it was years before she touched alcohol again.

I agree, Tegan - it's the same with smoking. All you can do is give them the information about the harm these activities can cause and hope they'll take it on board eventually. Forbidding or condemning doesn't work.

I learned more and more of my childrens drinking habits as they got older and they told me of what they used to get up to. I'm glad that they learned how to deal with being drunk before they went to uni. As the mother who always did the early morning pick up after nights out or parties I carried a bucket in the car, but always insisted that they came home, no matter how late [or early in the morning] I had to pick them up. I think if you get angry with them they just hide things from you. Difficult to get the balance right of not exactly encouraging them to drink but being tolerant when they do. At the end of the day young people will drink no matter what their parents say or do.