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Older grandchildren

(21 Posts)
follygirl Sun 09-Jun-13 20:13:58

Have cared for my two grandchildren since they were babies while their mum worked and also babysitting, weekend breaks, overnights etc, as my daughter and her family live nearby. The children are now teens, don't need collecting from school, and rarely need babysitting.
They all have their friends so the things we used to do with them they do with others now.
Beware grandparents, you must keep your own interests and friends because one day you may be redundant.

tanith Sun 09-Jun-13 20:26:15

Its such a shame you see it like that follygirl. I would say you have contributed to developing well rounded confidant children who have the potential to live life to the full, in no small way contributed to by yourself. They will realise they have a lot to thank you for in a few years time or when they have your great grand children. Relish the time you now have to pursue the things you've been putting off doing for a while.

Deedaa Sun 09-Jun-13 21:01:31

Actually I think my two got on better with there grandparents as they got older. They were certainly happy to lend a hand if needed or to join Granny for a shopping trip. It's just that the relationship changes, it doesn't necessarily stop.

glassortwo Sun 09-Jun-13 21:12:09

folly its sad that you are upset, try not to feel that you have been thrown aside, but that you have been a huge part in their upbringing and they will come back to you because they want to not because they have to.

My eldest GD is almost 19, from her being born until she reached the age where she wanted to be with her friends she spent every weekend/ holiday with us.
I always knew the day would come when she would move off into her circle of friends but I felt we were there for her when she need us but she knows where we are if she needs us now.

Its how it was with our children we bring them up to go off into the world and its a wonderful feeling to know they have grown into confident young adults who want to experience everything that life has to offer them.

glammanana Sun 09-Jun-13 21:12:23

How I love to be around my older Grandson's they have so much going on in their live's and enjoying what they are doing I can just sit back and watch them knowing my DD with our help has produced 4 amazing older boy's who have respect for their elders (they are not saint's by any means)we laugh and remember the things we did when they where small,our relationship has just moved up a notch and I love it.I've got another 15+ yrs for the others to catch up though grin

annodomini Sun 09-Jun-13 21:30:32

I'm just grateful for having had my oldest GD around throughout her childhood and teens. I have written about this on a very similar thread today and made the point that the relationship changes but my GD and I share so many memories that I think we shall always remain close, though not the way we once were.

grannyactivist Sun 09-Jun-13 22:01:32

follygirl please don't think that you're redundant. I'm sure you will find that as they settle down into university/jobs/relationships your grandchildren will be glad for you to keep in touch with them and as they get older they will start to initiate further contact. Like you my parents in law have been brilliant grandparents to my children who are now all adults. As an extended family we meet several times a year for family meals and usually take at least one annual holiday together and I do believe that this has contributed to the depth and continuity of their relationship. My in laws occasionally have lunch or dinner with their grandchildren individually and they keep in contact with them when the children are away from home (by card/letter/cheque grin ). About four years ago one of my sons (then 19) and his girlfriend arranged to go on holiday with his grandparents and they all had a wonderful time.
Hang in there and they'll be popping in for tea before you know it. smile

FlicketyB Mon 10-Jun-13 15:05:11

follygirl they are probably treating their parents just the same. It is part of growing up, doing your own thing with your own friends and living a life that marginalises parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the lot.

Then when they reach 25 they suddenly rediscover you. It was Mark Twain who said: 'When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

Your time will come again

maxgran Tue 11-Jun-13 14:52:27

I spent a lot of time with my Grandson who is now 6. We went for walks and I would play football with him. He used to phone me and ask if I was playing out! I love every minute I spend with him but last year I said to him-
'You won't want to play with Granny soon, when you are allowed to play out with your friends'
He was adamant that he would always want to play out with me.

This year - he is allowed to play out near his house with friends and our 'play times' have become less and less, so I reminded him that I told him this would happen - He gave a cheeky smile and said ' Its ok Granny, you can play out with my baby brother when he is a bit bigger!'

Although its sad when things change, its inevitable and its lovely to see him now becoming a confident boy mixing with friends his own age.

annodomini Tue 11-Jun-13 14:58:41

Just had lunch with senior GD and sure enough she has volunteered to go shopping with me to choose my outfit for her graduation! smile

PRINTMISS Tue 11-Jun-13 16:58:58

There does come a time when it is possible to just sit back and enjoy what is happening and be really satisfied with the results of the hard work that went into helping them grow into independent young people. We all know its a hard life out there, and we sometimes ache for them, but they will always know that we love them, and they perhaps think of us more often than we know.

follygirl Fri 14-Jun-13 17:04:12

Thank you everyone for your wonderful, kind and supportive messages, it has really helped me. Oddly it's not so much the grandchildren as our daughter and son-in-law who prefer to spend time with their friends rather than us. It's as though we have just been brushed aside now that they don't need us so much. I am a really cheerful, jolly person - not usually such a moaner and wouldn't share these thoughts with anyone else.

PRINTMISS Sun 16-Jun-13 08:39:42

follygirl that is true about sons and daughters - although our son depends on us a lot, and our daughter is the light of my husband's life, BUT today, which is Fathers day and his birthday, she is 'fitting us in' with her schedule, which admittedly is a commitment with her choir, but I think it is hurting a bit. - You might like this little bit of information she gave us about the choir and it's performance today - Health and Safety have decreed that no member of any choir shall be within 60 metres of the keyboard - as she says, "You couldn't make it up".

Tegan Sun 16-Jun-13 08:55:54

I wonder if what's happened follygirl is that as you've got older you find you can't do as much as you used to [it creeps up on you, doesn't it] so you've probably done less and less outside of looking after the grandchildren? That happened to me last year when I was working and rushing over to help with the granchildren at the drop of a hat. It resulted in a temporary blip in my relationaship with my daughter and the children, in retrospect due to me pushing myself too hard to be always available. It didn't leave me any time to go out and do interesting things. I also think that when children reach theit teenage years the closer they are to their parents and grandparents the further they have to push them away [temporarily that is] to establish their new found identity. My daughter now pays a babysitter and I sometimes want to say 'I could do with that money, let me do it instead' but it's all about them not wanting to feel beholden to me and we both know that I wouldn't be able to accept money for doing it [the babysitter always has my number in case of any problem]. I hope you feel better for offloading how you feel on here. When I was very unhappy last year about my relationship with my daughter gransnet kept me afloat [thanks guys!]. Whereabouts are you based, by the way? Check out for a local gransnet meet up.

janerowena Sun 16-Jun-13 12:06:23

I went back to my grandmother more when I was older, had my own transport and in a steady relationship. I remember her being a little hurt that i couldn't see her more often, but I was working and as i tried to explain, she wasn't the only one who wanted me at weekends. I had three younger sisters all living at a distance, my mother in one direction, my father in another, new inlaws and Ex's sisters too, let alone the other grandparents. So we counted them all up and she realised that actually by seeing me four times a year she saw more of me than anyone else did.

j08 Sun 16-Jun-13 13:30:41

To be honest, I don't need my two here all the time now. (Do love 'em!) Just so long as they keep me in the loop about what they are getting up to, that's ok. Had a postcard from 11 yr old from school holiday - was inordinately delighted! grinWouldn't want to go too long though without seeing 'em though.

Having said that, they are due here any minute so better got off here!

j08 Sun 16-Jun-13 21:02:29

It's sad when they have to go home. sad

PRINTMISS Mon 17-Jun-13 15:52:27

I have just heard that our grandson has gained himself a Bursary of £2000, for work he is about to do during his 'holiday'. All to do with environmental issues. He is not the brightest spark, but has worked really hard to get himself to University and is sorting out all his own problems. Such a relief, he was so shy and nervous as a baby, and the years have flown. I think perhaps supportive parents have had a lot to do with it, but they can't take all the credit.

whenim64 Mon 17-Jun-13 15:59:14

What an achievement, PRINTMISS. Your family must be thrilled to bits smile

annodomini Mon 17-Jun-13 16:19:36

That's great news, Printmiss. You must be very proud of him - and of his parents.

PRINTMISS Tue 18-Jun-13 07:38:01

Yes to both of those, it is very satisfying, particularly as I have probably been proved wrong on many issues regarding the way they have been brought up - but I kept my mouth shut, and just supported whenever I could. Our grand-daughter got a job as soon as she left school - before that she worked as a Saturday girl and was constantly called in during her school holidays to 'cover' and served on the Customer Service counter. She again is not a bright spark, but well presented (which our grandson is not!) and can hold an intelligent conversation. She now works in a bank, and appreciates how well she did, considering the job market. We do know how lucky we are to have such a family who care about us as well.