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Very concerned grandma

(7 Posts)
RuthieNeill Tue 02-Jul-13 19:06:26

Have always been very involved with my first grandson now aged 7. His parents separated when he was 2. Mum suffers from depression and copes about 60% of the time. She is a gentle loving person but does not offer much stimulation. Dad works away and although loves his son dearly and sees him regularly cannot take on board the impact of home life on his son.

My grandson is becoming a 'young carer' for his mum. Is sometimes bullied at school and finds school work difficult. I intervene with school and parents. Getting the balance right is tricky.

I worry a lot about his future and being a widow miss being able to discuss and share concerns with my husband.

If there are any other grandparents who are shouldering some parental responsibilities for parents who have limited coping abilities i would like to make contact.

Bags Tue 02-Jul-13 21:32:40

I'm afraid I can't help you, Ruthie, except to offer sympathy. What a difficult situation for you! I'm sure other gransnetters will talk to you about this if they possibly can. All the best flowers

Humbertbear Tue 02-Jul-13 21:47:00

I don't have experience of this but I feel for you. You don't say if the mother is your daughter but I think you have to put your grandson's well being before the feelings of his parents. Could you have him to stay for part of each week or could he come to you after school on some days?
I hope that people who have more experience of this will be able to advise you.
Best wishes

FlicketyB Wed 03-Jul-13 11:03:15

I too have no personal experience but I do have a friend whose daughter is a single mother and suffers from depression. Her daughter has Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism.

Essentially he and his wife do what Humbertbear suggests. They have simple become an integral part of their DD's and DGD's life. They do a lot of the ferrying round to the specialised activity groups DGD belongs to, she spends a lot of time with them doing the things her mother isn't always able to do and they include their DD in family life.

It is so much easier when their are two of you to share things. It must be very difficult being on your own. Below I give websites devoted to helping young carers and with help lines you can ring for advice and assistance

RuthieNeill Wed 03-Jul-13 20:19:53

Really helped having your thoughts and comments. sometimes just sharing anxieties reduces them, big thankyou to Bags, Humbertbear and FlicketyB for getting back to me. Onward and upward!!!

Bags Wed 03-Jul-13 20:36:02

Sharing does help, doesn't it, Ruthie? It's as if you take some part of the problem off your shoulders and put it somewhere else to get some perspective. Keep chatting on gransnet when you need to, and I hope you have some fun times with your grandson smile

soop Thu 04-Jul-13 13:56:24

RuthieNeill Sharing a personal problem on this forum has helped many Gransnetters, including myself. FlicketyB's information could offer you a positive starting point for the assistance/support the family needs. I wish you, and those you love, a satisfactory outcome. smile