Being a long distance granny

Thanks Jess. It was a great trip.

Thanks, when. My little granddaughter decided to call me 'grown-up sister' - well that's what we all decided she was trying to say. I was happy to go with that.

Welcome back f

Fabulous, ffinocchio. I love your description - rumbly-jumbly! So glad it all went well. I expect it wasn't long before they were heavily into the hugs, games and fun with you. Children know very well when we are thrilled to be with them.

I've just returned from visiting my son and his family in the States. I have two delightful grandchildren aged 5 and 3. It was a wonderful visit to a happy, carefree, jumbly-rumbly family. My 5 yr. old grandson is autistic.
I returned last Saturday, and am content and happy that they have a good life, with terrific support for their son. I was expecting the long-distance granny-blues - but they are nowhere in sight. I think that says a lot about their delight in having me to stay, and my delight in their happiness. Maybe I'm still on a high - I don't know - but long may it last.

I do know it get's me down some days, but on the whole not a lot.
We email and skype regularly.

Grandmalove - Yes! In my case it helps to have a wonderful son and daughter-in-law.

I too am a long distance grandma. My granddaughter is one year old and I have had a photograph or video every day since I left them in Australia just after she was born. It helps to ease the sadness of not having her closer and makes me feel I have shared all of the milestones in her life so far. It helps to have such a wonderful daughter.

Thank you for all your kind words im trying to be positive. It will be a year probably before i see them again so plenty of time for skyping etc.

I agree with Gally. It's heart wrenching to say good bye but it does get easier. You learn to, as Gally once said, "put it in a box" and focus your mind elsewhere when you have to make that separation.
The nub of the long distance GP thing came to me recently - you have all that love you want to give and you are largely prevented from doing so.

Storynanny

Speldnan Of course it's hard to say goodbye after a visit. Isn't it far better to visit, to get to know your granddaughter, to spend time with her and play with her for a few weeks and become close to her, than not? She will remember your visits from photographs and from the things you did with her and I am sure your son and DiL will talk about you to her after you have left. My GC's have photos of their late Grandad and me in their rooms, along with ones of their Aunts and cousins so we are a constant in their lives. I hate leaving them and my daughter but we have regular contact by Skype and phone and given the choice - seeing them or not seeing them because of being miserable at the thought of parting - I know which one I would make every time!

Storynanny so sorry the visit didn't go as well as you hoped. I think that the fact your DIL didn't trust you enough with the baby is another symptom of being a long distance GParent. Last time I saw my son and family he left my GD with me and my daughter while he and DIL went out for the day. He was telling me what I should and shouldn't do with her until my DD said ' you can trust Mum with her you know!' He then checked himself and said how unused to having that trust in someone he was. There are no relatives to help where he lives in NZ.
I also totally empathise with long distance GPs who are dreading spending time with their grandchildren because of the subsequent pain of separation. Everyone keeps telling me to go to NZ to visit the family but I know that if I go there and get close to my GD it will make it all the harder when I get back home. You get accustomed to their absence but visits just make it harder in the long run (selfish I expect but you have to protect yourself somehow!)

I understand the sadness of you long distance grannies.Enjoy the Skyping,phone calls,letters etc. Spare a thought for the GNs who are denied all contact with their GC even though they may be living nearby.

I really don't know what to suggest but I do understand exactly how you must feel. All I can suggest is to try to focus on your step grandchild who you have a wonderful relationship with and treasure that. So many people never experience that kind of love. The quote "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ...... etc " comes to mind. I recite it to myself so often but I find it so much easier to say than do! Hugs for you.

Sadly no as im too scared to rock the boat and spoil the relationship with my son. Not sure I would be brave enough to say anything other than " i was a bit surprised that DIL didnt trust me to change a nappy, push a buggy, give a bath, give suitable toys for playing with etc"
Im being very reticent here, to be honest it was beyond horrible.
Not sure where to go from here.

Storynanny I am so sorry. I can imagine how it felt for you. This is also my fear as the relationship with our DIL is strained to say the least. My other DIL was so generous and unselfish with her babies but not all mummies are like that. Did you manage to speak to your son about how you felt?

Well it was even harder than i imagined mainly because dil is not interested in her english relatives by marriage. Very difficult to bond with a little one when you are barely allowed to touch him. Dont know how to move on from this really.

I have been a long distance grandmother to my two grandchildren since they were a few months old as I moved to live in Dubai with my husband. All I can say is thank goodness for Skype! We Skype every week and fortunately for me, as I'm not working, I'm able to visit the UK every few months.

My son has lived in Holland for 12 years and is now in Qatar for 3 years. I had almost got used to having three grandchildren in Holland but now they feel so far away I have been feeling low since they went in January. As usual it is difficult to contact them by skype, poor internet connections, time difference, busy lives etc. I always try to plan to have something interesting to tell or show them. I send photos of things I have been doing and I look at their things on Facebook. Presents are now a problem as postage to Qatar is astronomical and things go astray. I am visiting in November but weight restrictions mean that presents will have to be tiny so imagination has to be used. I am very lucky to have two grandchildren 4 miles away and my relationship with them is very different, I looked after them for two days a week from when their mum went back to work to them starting school. I know their preferences, foibles, and love in such a different way. No amount of trying to be brave can ever make up the missing times with my three in Qatar but I know that their lives are enriched by the new experience and that my son has a wonderful opportunity to enhance his career.

Beautiful post there Absent which gives hope to those of us struggling with long distance grandparenting.

I can totally understand how you feel about the possibility of them moving away. We have a son, daughter, and a grand- daughter there which is like an ache that never goes away. Here we have another son, his wonderful wife and two grandchildren who we see almost every day. I live in fear that they might decide to join the others in the "New World". We cannot even bring up the subject with them and I just don't know how we would cope if they said they were going too.
Try just to make the most of them while they are here. Everything is temporary I'm afraid.

So many of these comments echo my thoughts and the separation hasn't even happened yet!!!. My daughter and her Australian husband have a beautiful daughter now 18 months old. Although they live a 4hr car journey away, we mangage to see them all every 4-5 weeks. We even go away on holiday together. We cherish the time we spend with them all so much and I know my daughter and her husband value the support we have been able to give them, because we are both retired now..... But.... the 'elephant in the room' is always when will they return to Australia? They plan to do this sometime in the future and are chosing not to buy a property over here for that reason. Yet no date has been decided on and it may not be for a few years.
Logically I know I should 'love them enough to let them go' but when I think about it happening, I feel so sad and if the subject creeps into the conversation, the feeling is like being kicked in the stomach and I just go quiet. I know I shouldn't and I should embrace their plans but its soooo hard.

So true absent and so glad it is working out.

What a lovely post absent.

DD3 lives only 2 miles away and sometimes I wish it was a little bit further as she has two under 2 and is setting up a business with a friend. . But, I am aware that this time will bear fruit as they get older and feel so at home here.

for people who don't have the chance to be exhausted by their grandchildren on a regular basis.

Life is all checks and balances, hellos and goodbyes. I have sat at the back a plane sobbing my heart out after bidding goodbye to my only daughter and whichever grandchildren, if any, existed on that particular visit. I have stood at the departures gate watching her/them go through – the first time she was only 17 years old – biting back the tears, smiling and waving bravely. Better that every time than never seeing them.

I have also listened to friends and read posts on gransnet who feel that their sons or daughters demand too much childcare, take them for granted in a casual way and who are finding it exhausting/interfering with their own lives/just too much.

I have now emigrated and live 15 minutes' drive from my daughter's house instead of some 39 hours or more travelling time. My choice. I do quite a lot of childcare but then I am making up for lost time. Sometimes it all gets out of hand and I know Mr absent (step father) sometimes finds it a little hard having never had much to do with young children. Absentdaughter suddenly announced that she has a full day course tomorrow, so I have five grandchildren arriving for breakfast and returning at the end of the school day. Mind you, they absolutely adore Mr absent's porridge (I should have bought a bigger microwave).

I have spent all my savings getting here, getting my beloved old cats here and setting up home here – about £20,000. I am living in rented accommodation for the first time since I was in my twenties. My clients are a bit uncertain about asking me to do work for them, although I have written books (or part of them) during previous visits to New Zealand.

I reckon all blessings in life are mixed.

I am lucky that my three children live in the same country, but Australia is big. I do travel as often as I can to see two of my children and their families and now live next door to my youngest daughter. I miss that we don't all live close anymore as we used to do lots of things together and my grandchildren were very close.

From this coming Thursday we will finally be spending a week together. I have been looking forward to this time and my grandchildren are very excited at seeing each other.